What is wrong with me

[unknown]

am so annoyed with myself.
My partner is going out tomo afternoon and evening, just meeting old freinds, one of which is her ex - which i am ok with - ex now married, no threat, i know my partner loves me.

The feeling i can't shake is how awful it will be if she comes in drunk and shouty and what would i do if she did anything behind my back - when she drinks she turns horrible, not phsycially, but calls me names etc. she has promised she wont drink lots -its a 3.30 start though! and she said she wont be home for diner so i don't have much faith in her when she says she wont get hammered. i have other stuff going on right now and i don't want to have to deal with her calling me names. we have been through this so many times, she promises she won't drink too much, but she always does. there has never been a time when hasn;t come home shouting.

i think im also worried about the fact i'll just be sat at home like a loser whilst she is out with freinds. we moved 5 years ago, i have people at work i know but not well enough to go out sociasing with- that said i am meeting up with one tomorrow but she always cancels at the last minute. i have lots of frineds from school/uni who i can talk to online, but none live near me. i'm sick of feeling like i never have any freinds, i don't go to any clubs etc cos of my anxiety.

i haven't had a panic attack for about a year now, i;m worried im going to have one tomorrow. im scared it will all become too much and i'll panic, hurt myself. i hit myself in anger when i can't control the feelings of anxiety and not being good enough.

I have told my partner how i feel but not the full extent cos i don't want her to feel bad about going out, she shouldn't feel bad about going out with freinds after all! This is my issue. not the drink bit- that's all hers!

am just posting to get it all out of my head! :blush:

[mini_mog]

hi there:hugs:

i dont really have any advice, but i can relate so much to what you have said i had to reply.

i am exactly in the same position as you, have moved away from home town to live with partner and i dont have any close friends around here.

and also, like you i used to panic when my partner went out without me. in my case it was basically a fear of him coming home drunk and being sick and me having to deal with it. and it did happen a couple of times, which was i have to admit pretty horrible.

but...since falling pregnant, ive had awful morning sickness and i think its made the fear of seeing other people being sick go away.

Like i said, i dont have any advice, but i just wanted to let you know that i completely understand, and most likley its part and parcel of anxiety.

please dont panic and wind yourself up about it. does your partner know how you feel? one way i used of coping was asking my partner to stay at a friend's house after a night out. this also solved the issue of me being woken up at silly o'clock on a work night! maybe this could be a possible way of coping for you too? just a suggestion but it was really helpul to me, even it probably sounds over the top and a little mean to the other person, my partner understood and agreed it would work for us.

I hope that this post has helped:flowers:

[melody]

i have the opposite problem. i am the one that gets 2 drunk & shouty. then i get anxiety the next day. i feel like a loser. i do it to try to block out the sadness i feel. i always hate myself 4 it

[unknown]

hi both thank you for your replies.

i dont think asking her to stay with a freind would help me as one of my fears is her not coming home! but it does sound like something i could work towards as that would cut out the shoutyness- someone else would have to deal with it! so thank you for you suggestion. i don't have any issues with sick, its more the fact she gets so angry and hurtful.

melody- its so great to hear someone one from the other perspective! thats exactly what happens to her she gets anxious the next day and sits around crying and saying "why arn't i good enough" "why am i such a loser".

Anyway, she has cancelled this afternoon her ex girlfriend decided not to go and she felt like she didn't know anyone else. i did encourage her to go anyway cos she did go to uni with these people so she does know them, but she said she would feel awkward esp if she's not drinking much.

she has a work do next friday, but i am going to try my hardest not to get so wound up about it.

Thanks guys

[mini_mog]

is there a trigger for why she gets angry and shouty or is it just how she is after a drink?

I think maybe if you can work out what the trigger is, maybe it can be avoided and you can have a more peaceful and relaxed night?

try not to worry too much about next friday. i dont know if shes anything like me, but i tend to hold back alcohol wise on nights out with work as i dont want any gossip or 'amusing' stories going round on monday morning! so she may not drink as much anyway.

if you feel you can, talk to her about how you feel and how much the fear of what will happen when she comes back upsets you and causes anxiety. I often find as well that the fear of something is usually far worse than the reality.

I think you should also be proud for trying to encourage her to go out, even though it scares you, that takes a lot of courage:hugs:

[unknown]

well tonight is my partners night out with work. i had a complete meltdown yesterday re family issues, but on the whole am feeling more chipper about it today. that said i will no doubt be online later in a stress!!