unknown
17-04-09, 11:40
am so annoyed with myself.
My partner is going out tomo afternoon and evening, just meeting old freinds, one of which is her ex - which i am ok with - ex now married, no threat, i know my partner loves me.
The feeling i can't shake is how awful it will be if she comes in drunk and shouty and what would i do if she did anything behind my back - when she drinks she turns horrible, not phsycially, but calls me names etc. she has promised she wont drink lots -its a 3.30 start though! and she said she wont be home for diner so i don't have much faith in her when she says she wont get hammered. i have other stuff going on right now and i don't want to have to deal with her calling me names. we have been through this so many times, she promises she won't drink too much, but she always does. there has never been a time when hasn;t come home shouting.
i think im also worried about the fact i'll just be sat at home like a loser whilst she is out with freinds. we moved 5 years ago, i have people at work i know but not well enough to go out sociasing with- that said i am meeting up with one tomorrow but she always cancels at the last minute. i have lots of frineds from school/uni who i can talk to online, but none live near me. i'm sick of feeling like i never have any freinds, i don't go to any clubs etc cos of my anxiety.
i haven't had a panic attack for about a year now, i;m worried im going to have one tomorrow. im scared it will all become too much and i'll panic, hurt myself. i hit myself in anger when i can't control the feelings of anxiety and not being good enough.
I have told my partner how i feel but not the full extent cos i don't want her to feel bad about going out, she shouldn't feel bad about going out with freinds after all! This is my issue. not the drink bit- that's all hers!
am just posting to get it all out of my head! :blush:
My partner is going out tomo afternoon and evening, just meeting old freinds, one of which is her ex - which i am ok with - ex now married, no threat, i know my partner loves me.
The feeling i can't shake is how awful it will be if she comes in drunk and shouty and what would i do if she did anything behind my back - when she drinks she turns horrible, not phsycially, but calls me names etc. she has promised she wont drink lots -its a 3.30 start though! and she said she wont be home for diner so i don't have much faith in her when she says she wont get hammered. i have other stuff going on right now and i don't want to have to deal with her calling me names. we have been through this so many times, she promises she won't drink too much, but she always does. there has never been a time when hasn;t come home shouting.
i think im also worried about the fact i'll just be sat at home like a loser whilst she is out with freinds. we moved 5 years ago, i have people at work i know but not well enough to go out sociasing with- that said i am meeting up with one tomorrow but she always cancels at the last minute. i have lots of frineds from school/uni who i can talk to online, but none live near me. i'm sick of feeling like i never have any freinds, i don't go to any clubs etc cos of my anxiety.
i haven't had a panic attack for about a year now, i;m worried im going to have one tomorrow. im scared it will all become too much and i'll panic, hurt myself. i hit myself in anger when i can't control the feelings of anxiety and not being good enough.
I have told my partner how i feel but not the full extent cos i don't want her to feel bad about going out, she shouldn't feel bad about going out with freinds after all! This is my issue. not the drink bit- that's all hers!
am just posting to get it all out of my head! :blush: