View Full Version : Bad day today
I have done nothing but cry since yesterday and this morning my anxety is kicking around, i want to just make this all go away today, i was doing ok as well this last couple of weeks, now i feel like crap once again. I want to hurt myself but not by cutting or anything, although yesterday i did want to smash a glass in my hand, i've not felt like that for while. I hurt myself by turning it on into me, i feel empty, lost and low again. I feel alone so alone, I am missing someone a hell of alot it still hurts like mad, i wish they where here now, but there aren't they have a new life with someone else, has taken me a while to come to terms with a lot of things, but i still miss them, i miss them lying in bed, the bed is empty, there is not another head on the other pillow, i lay awake last night and just kept on touching it and looking to see. Now am sat trying no to cry again... I feel like a failure today. I hurt someone i didn't mean to hurt and they think i have just used them, like a fair weather friend, perhaps i have, but i didn't not really. But i have hurt them. I have said sorry today again to them, but don't know what will happen, if am honest i feel at times that i do use people and then cut of from them to a point, i don't know why i do it, maybe am just selfish at times, there is only one person i tend not to do that with and never will with her, she a good mate and also a ex who i with with for 3yrs, we are still very much good friends.. I want the other one back, and i can't get them back, and its not because i feel so alone and crap, maybe a little, its because i still love them, care about them and for me, i like being with them, not all the time, but i know we had problems and tried to sort them out...
This is for you as i can't say it anywhere else.... I bloody miss you so dam much and want you to know, but can't tell you. To much has happen.
Hi Indie :hugs:
I am not exactly the best at giving advice and certainly not when it comes to advice about relationships, however, I read your post and you sounded so down, that I decided to reply. It is perfectly normal to feel as you do after a relationship has ended. It can take a long while sometimes for those feelings to go, especially if you loved that person very much.
You said you felt like a failure? You are not a failure! Why would you think that? because of the way you are feeling and acting? - how you are feeling and acting is normal considering the circumstances and that does not make you a failure!
Maybe the way you are treating people, as you said, is due to you being so upset, hurt and missing your ex. You sound like you are in a state of inner turmoil over it and obviously that is bound to show itself externally in how you behave towards others.
From my own personal experience, I can say that the hurt & the pain do eventually fade, but we have to go through all the upset before it does. Its very similar to grieving and all the different stages of grieving.
Relationship breakups can be one of the most painful experiences there are. It does take time but eventually the hurt and pain do fade.
Your anxiety is bound to be aggravated but even a non anxious person would get anxious and depressed over a relationship ending.
Please do not hurt yourself in any way. Be kind to yourself. You sound like you have been through a lot, so be good to yourself. You are taking your unhappiness out on yourself and you are already hurting enough so why beat your mind and body up even more?
Get the anger and unhappiness out - go and punch something (make sure its soft!) :wacko:) Punch the pillows until you cant punch anymore.Do you go the gym? Take it out in the gym. Go for a long run. Shout and scream, with music on (so the neighbours dont hear!) You have a lot of hurt and anger inside you it sounds like and you need to get it out. I tend to cry forever & turn into a real drama queen and get really down before I start feeling a bit better again. I have to get all the emotions out before I can start to move on. I find talking about what has happened gets it all out too.
Do you have others around you that you can turn to for help should you feel really desperate? I am sure lots of the people on this site will be of a big help to you.
I am sorry I cant offer any better advice, just keep on going and be good and kind to yourself, get your emotions out, talk to people, cry when you need to cry, just dont hurt yourself because you are already hurting enough - keep posting on the site and I am sure you will get a lot of help and reassurance.
Hugs to you.:hugs:
It sounds like you are going through a real tough time and you also sound as though you have some regrets, (maybe Ive got that wrong). It is natural to feel the way you are, but no less painful, the good news is and there is some, is that it will get easier and you will become more independent, strong and confident again, don't rush it, maybe speak to a doctor who can refer you to a counselor, (just a person to listen to you and maybe offer some practical advice) Im sure you will get there and my best wishes go with you, Steph.
Hey Poppy and Stephyuno and ty for the replys
I am feeling a little better tonight, have calmed down a bit since this morning and yesterday. It does take time to get over anything, i think most things for me just came to a head a couple of months back, over a year ago myself and my ex had finished things, i then met someone esle, and liked them, but for a lot of the time we were together it was that great, to much to go into here so am not going to. I have ended up feeling very hurt by some things that have happen before and after we finished things. But i think that because of breaking up with the first ex who i was with for over 3yrs and then this one who i was with a while as well, just hit me, hard. To be honest my head is getting there with it, just some days everything hits home. Its always the little things to that get you. I just wish the anxiety would get a bit more under control some days or my depression.
I hate tonight, and have hated most of today, and tomorrow well, am getting anxious about that. Hate it hate it hate it hate it..
I look around me and i look at this house, i look out my window, i looked out of the upstairs window of the view i have, and i cried, and thought why the hell don't you have the courage to end this all. I hate my life, I feel so alone with everything today. And tomorrow i have to pretend that its ok. Am not ok not today, i feel like my head tonight is just going crazy, am so upset and hurt and am so fed up that these feelings keep coming back i hate it so dam much. Why is it that i sometimes when everything is just to much, i feel really really stupid like I can't cope with it, and I think am just odd. I want to scream, I want to cry till i can cry no more, I want to be free of this and happy, just happy and i mean really happy deep down, happy with me, with my life, instead of just getting by and not being happy deep down, even when i am with someone i am not always happy, its like something is always missing from me or my life and i have no idea what it is, so what to do, i have no idea, just get through tonight, tomorrow and hope it gets better in the next few days.
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