VERY bad day and feel anxiety is here again

[mini_mog]

Hello

bit of background first of all, i am 14 weeks pregnant, and i stopped taking citalopram 10mg last tuesday under my gp's guidance. since then ive felt ok, had a few head zaps (withdrawal) and also felt irritable (possibly preggy hormones).

Today i had a what felt to me as an absolutely awful day, i didnt get my morning work done till the end of the day as i had so much to do. towards the end of the day i could feel that my face was hot, the stress levels were definately elevated and i really just wanted to cry. i know that on monday ill be told off for not finishing till so late.

since getting home ive noticed that things that shouldnt worry me are again. an example being i rubbed my eye and then wiped the sleep from my eye from my jeans. i had to change them cos was panicking about passing on any bugs from me to other people and put them in the wash. i stopped short of getting an antibac wipe on the sofa! ive not done anything like this in probably around 6 months and i know that its the stress thats caused it. im just so disappointed in myself:weep:

im not sure what to do, im seeing my midwife on thurs and ill mention to her i think that i dont feel amazing off my meds. im not sure whether to see the gp as well.

i wanted to add too, that none of my worries are centred around my pregnancy, im over the moon about it and cant wait to be a mummy, i just wish i could be more relaxed. i should be looking after myself now and not allowing the stress to get to me.

i just wanted to get this off my chest really and wondered if anyone had any advice, i really want to cope with stress without medication if i can.

:hugs:

[emma81]

hey hun

i dont really know if i have some words of wisdom or not but i will try. i take it a lot of your anxieties are centered around cleanliness? well i have anxiety as well but mine is centered around being agoraphobic. when i fell pregnant in sept 06 i was over the moon, like you i was on citalopram and from 5 wks preg to 8 wks preg i cut my dose from 40mg a day to zero. i also felt a bit weird not being on them but the excitement of being pregnant seemed to really help my moods and keep me positive and focussed. however i had a massive fear in the back of my mind that i was going to have to start going for scans in a place i just could not travel too at all and hadnt done for years. i was absolutely terrified and had massive panic attacks just thinking about it. i remember feeling so annoyed with myself that i couldnt be strong enough even for my baby to face my problems and be stress free, then i would beat myself up thinking i was hurting my baby because of all the stress i felt. well when it came to the 20 wk scan somehow i got there, it was not pleasant one bit but the second i saw my baby on the monitor everything all the stress that had built up just left me and i travelled home with no fear at all. im not really sure how i can relate this to your experience as its a different type of anxiety but i think what im trying to say is that what your feeling is normal. your hormones are all over the place which makes even the most calmest woman in the world act irritable and a bit all over the place when pregnant. combine this with your anxiety and is is a bit of ocd im guessing? well combine pregnancy hormones, anxieties, withdrawing from medication and you have the perfect recipe for stress. but what i found really helped me was reading loadssss of baby books all about the little ones development, the more i read the more it distracted me, focused me, and made me feel somehow like i was bonding with my unborn baby. take time out and just relax, read a book, listen to music anything to distract yourself. im sure your work will be more understanding than you think if you try to explain a little about already having a problem with stress and the pregnancy hormones as well are making you stress out a bit, im sure they will be nice about it. i could have sat the whole way through my pregnancy thinking how the hell was i going to cope with agoraphobia and a baby and got myself so stressed out but i just kicked every negative thought out my head and concentrated on all the positives and everything i was looking forward to and constantly distracted myself and pampered myself. i was very honest with my midwife about my depression and agoraphobia and explained about coming off my meds and everything and they were so so nice about it and told me i could ring them at any time if i just wanted a chat if i was worrying about anything. if you really cannot cope without ur meds, u can take them throughout ur pregnancy, citalopram are not advised as they can cause birth defects, but thats for u and ur GP to decide whether the benefit of them outweighs the risk. sadly for me my pregnancy wasnt meant to be and i lost the little one 6 months into it in preterm labour but as promised as soon as he was delivered within days they started me straight back on the citalopram and would have done regardless of whether he was alive and healthy or had been born in that way. i feel like im waffling a bit here and not really sure what im trying to say! i guess its that i think what u are feeling is very normal, i think you should make the most of the support that is available to you through your gp or midwife, if u dont already see a counsellor you should ask for one to talk about ur anxiety concerns with. keep distracted, keep focused on that little miracle inside you and the months will fly in. if u really cant cope without the citalopram talk to ur GP there are options. but most of all dont ever feel disappointed in yourself because u are coping with a lot and its not easy, dont beat urself up if u have some slip ups here and there, just try and accept its part of the condition and if u are planning to bottle feed and not breast feed they will most likely put u straight back on the citalopram (even as a preventative method) when ur baby is born.

best of luck hun and feel free to drop me a message if u need to chat about anything

emma:hugs:

[mini_mog]

Hi Emma:hugs:

Thank you for your message. im so sorry to hear of your loss, i cant imagine what you must have been through.

i wanted to come off the citalopram for my baby and reduced from 20mg, down to 10 and then off over a few months. i think with today being particularly stressful, its triggered the anxiety off and im just hoping that i can somehow calm myself over the weekend. i think i will do some relaxation exercises tonight and see how that helps.

my anxiety is mainly centred around making mistakes at work, and im worrying now that my work today was ok and i didnt make any mistakes etc, and i know deep down that of course it was fine and i did my best so theres really no need to worry! the fussing over accidently causing illness to other people with bugs off me (doesnt make any sense at all- i know this, im a perfectly healthy person!) began later on. its like my mind just loves to find things for me to worry about:wacko:

i just find the whole thing incredibly frustrating, and i dont understand why im doing this to myself, its all so annoying and makes life so much harder than it should be:weep:

i really hope that a good nights sleep and a new day with no work will make me feel loads better:)
x x x