LostBug
18-04-09, 11:33
I'm not really sure if this belongs here, but it is sorta social!
Hi everyone, I'm kinda new here, have been readin for the past few days and decided to join. Although I don't suffer myself from anxiety as such (although I have started to wonder recently if I am showing signs of some form of anxiety... however this is a different issue), my boyfriend of 2 years is a sufferer (of anxiety, depression and mild agoraphobia). I'm really just looking for any advice or support on how I can try to help and understand him, especially from others with similar issues.
We first met a couple of years ago, and quite soon into the relationship he was signed off work with stress and depression. At the time I was out of work myself, however have since got a job, which at times is quite demanding mentally. My boyfriend at this time did not obviously feel comfortable telling me he had depression, and didn't respond to my calls texts or emails for a month. I was worried sick that something had happened to him, however he eventually got back in touch and we decided to try again.
Since then, things have been difficult much of the time. He has been to the doctors, sought counselling and is on meds. I live about 50 miles from him, and due to working in the week, I can only really visit at weekends. Although I have explained to him that I don't mind even if its every other weekend we see each other, things have been particularly difficult due to his tendency to cancel our arrangements at the last minute. Although I do appreciate that alot of this is due to his anxiety and depressed state, it does affect me and I do get upset. This often results in an argument, with me feeling guilty at the end of it. And sometimes, we can go for weeks without seeing each other.
On the upside, this last week, things have been better, I have seen him a couple of times - we even managed to go out together for the first time in a long time. And I am so so proud of him for making the effort. I was supposed to see him today, but again has cancelled due to him feeling ill and virusy. Now I know this is probably partly to do with his anxiety, and I can understand that he probably gets nervous when it gets closer to me visiting. I truly believe he loves me, and although I get frustrated, I love him with all my heart and want to do more to help. I know he struggles with social situations, and he has not even met any of my family yet due to this, however I am willing to do whatever it takes to try to help with this because I truly do believe that he is the most amazing person. When we are together, things are perfect, I couldn't ask for more. We don't necessarily go out to lots of places, but the time we spend together is quality time and for me that is more important.
I guess what I would like to know is what do you think would help me to help him, and how can I better understand what he is going through. I know I cannot totaly understand, as I do not suffer (at least not to the same extreme) the anxiety and depression he suffers. I will do whatever I can, and be patient, I just want to be able to help so we can begin to enjoy our relationship like we have done over the last few weeks.
Any advice will be much appreciated :)
Hi everyone, I'm kinda new here, have been readin for the past few days and decided to join. Although I don't suffer myself from anxiety as such (although I have started to wonder recently if I am showing signs of some form of anxiety... however this is a different issue), my boyfriend of 2 years is a sufferer (of anxiety, depression and mild agoraphobia). I'm really just looking for any advice or support on how I can try to help and understand him, especially from others with similar issues.
We first met a couple of years ago, and quite soon into the relationship he was signed off work with stress and depression. At the time I was out of work myself, however have since got a job, which at times is quite demanding mentally. My boyfriend at this time did not obviously feel comfortable telling me he had depression, and didn't respond to my calls texts or emails for a month. I was worried sick that something had happened to him, however he eventually got back in touch and we decided to try again.
Since then, things have been difficult much of the time. He has been to the doctors, sought counselling and is on meds. I live about 50 miles from him, and due to working in the week, I can only really visit at weekends. Although I have explained to him that I don't mind even if its every other weekend we see each other, things have been particularly difficult due to his tendency to cancel our arrangements at the last minute. Although I do appreciate that alot of this is due to his anxiety and depressed state, it does affect me and I do get upset. This often results in an argument, with me feeling guilty at the end of it. And sometimes, we can go for weeks without seeing each other.
On the upside, this last week, things have been better, I have seen him a couple of times - we even managed to go out together for the first time in a long time. And I am so so proud of him for making the effort. I was supposed to see him today, but again has cancelled due to him feeling ill and virusy. Now I know this is probably partly to do with his anxiety, and I can understand that he probably gets nervous when it gets closer to me visiting. I truly believe he loves me, and although I get frustrated, I love him with all my heart and want to do more to help. I know he struggles with social situations, and he has not even met any of my family yet due to this, however I am willing to do whatever it takes to try to help with this because I truly do believe that he is the most amazing person. When we are together, things are perfect, I couldn't ask for more. We don't necessarily go out to lots of places, but the time we spend together is quality time and for me that is more important.
I guess what I would like to know is what do you think would help me to help him, and how can I better understand what he is going through. I know I cannot totaly understand, as I do not suffer (at least not to the same extreme) the anxiety and depression he suffers. I will do whatever I can, and be patient, I just want to be able to help so we can begin to enjoy our relationship like we have done over the last few weeks.
Any advice will be much appreciated :)