does anyone get anxious about what they are doing with their life?

[redballoons]

hi
I wondered if anyone else gets anxious about what they are doing with their life in general because when i look back at when my anxiety started it was when the plans I had disappeared.

When i was really little i got to love history in all shapes and forms and as I got older i really wanted to be a lecturer in history.
I did it at a level and got onto a history degree course at cardiff university. It was all going well until in my final year I got pregnant, suddenly it didnt seem so important. my daughter was born 2 months after i graduated and by that time i was just doing the bare minimum to get through my dissertation was a joke!.

I DID graduate but only managed a 2:2 which just isnt good enough to go on to do any postgraduate studies. up until the lasy year i was getting first or 2:1s so i know i really let myself down.

since then i have got married and now have three kids (I am still only 25!). and although i love having them and i am happiliy married sometimes i look back and get upset because i know that i will never be able to do what i wanted now, and i get jealous of my husband which is pathetic because even though he ALSO has three kids etc he has the job he always wanted and planned for whereas the only job i have ever been offered is in a shop. I have applied for hundreds and hundreds but because I have no experience i dont get nice jobs and not so good jobs turn me down for being overqualified - i got my shop job by lying and saying i left school after gcses.

I really dont know what to do. I dont want to live the rest of my life doing nothing but at the same time I now I completely screwed up my chances of doing what i wanted.

Is anyone else in this situation? I did look into going back to uni but because I already have a degree i would have to pay and that would be way too much for me even if i wait until the kids are all at school

I actually get really panicky thinking about my future so it IS a problem for me even if it seems silly!

I posted a similar message a while a go on another forum i go on (a parenting forum) and got some really hostile responses saying " at least you got to go to uni" etc but that wasnt really the point of my post my point was just about panic caused by being stuck in a situation you didnt really plan! and panic caused by that

sophie

[PoppyC]

Hi :)
I had my son very very young - he is my only child. I was a struggling single parent for most of his first 18 years (I did work though) I really felt like my life was over at times - in fact I sometimes felt it had never even started! Even with 1 child it was tough I found so I can understand how you feel with 3.
We had it tough at times, homeless and so on, and I thought ok my life is over before it has even begun, plenty of times...anyway to keep it short...my son is now 21 and is about to do his finals at uni and has been accepted to study a Masters degree. He got a loan from his bank to study for the Masters and also one of his course choices offered a loan. I dont know too much about it all but I do know there is help out there financially, even though it has to be paid back at some point. He has found the help himself as I cant afford to pay for the Masters for him.
You did well at university. You sound like an intelligent woman. You have 3 children and a husband -that is something to be proud of! - just stop being so hard on yourself. I can understand that you may be a little bit jealous of your husband - i think that is a perfectly natural reaction - men still have their own children but their working lives never get affected by it do they? However you get to spend more time with them, which in my opinion is worth more than any career.
Enjoy being a mum because honestly it is the most worthwhile thing there ever is. It goes by so quickly. I know I spent a large part of my sons young life by instead of enjoying what I had, by worrying about what I should have been doing with my life and before I knew it, he was leaving home to go to uni! I would love to have that time back and to have have just enjoyed it - that time can never be recaptured.
One good thing about having children when you are young is that you will still be young enough to do what you want to do when they are much older. I now have my freedom to do what I want and ok my breakdown and anxiety has made things a little harder for me but I still carry on and I will get back to doing all the things I have always wanted to.
I beat myself up a lot over the years about what I should have been doing with my life and it really made me anxious and got me down. I could never relax or enjoy what I had because I was too busy beating myself up over how my life was over, how I had not achieved this and that, and what I should be doing with my life, I really was hard on myself and it really ground me down and I know for a fact my breakdown last year, was due partly to that. I just worried non stop. Now after my breakdown I have really changed. I try to spend less time worrying and just enjoy the here and now. I try to find solutions now rather than getting down about it all. Sorry if I am not making sense here.
As the years have gone on I have achieved some of the things I wanted to and I still have lots more to achieve. You are only 25 and you have so much time ahead of you.
Have you approached the students union and seeing what advice they can offer? I have always found them to be really helpful.
I suffer with anxiety so I know its not easy but try to relax a little over what you should be doing in life - you are still very young and have a lot of years in front of you to achieve all that you want. :hugs:

[lonely]

yes the cpn has asked me to write down what i would like to achieve and where i would like to be in 5years, i havnt even written anything down and i see them next week, i feel just soo useless and an utterfailure, i am struggling through each day and thinking about 5 years time is just to unbearable to think about :weep: no doubt ill get told off come wednesday and then knowing me ill come home even more depressed

[Meewah]

Wow

Work to live not Live to work!!

I think your problems seem to be in your head...sorry that seems like the statement of the century!!LOL..

Why do some of us assume that unless they have a top job they are a failure. Most people with a high stress job wish they could have a few years off. I see life differently...you have Three wonderful children with which to explore life through 4 pairs off eyes...you can go places and watch your kids expressions. I love living my life through my childrens eyes. I once thought that my life was dependant on what sort of high earning high profile job I got. I soon learnt how wrong I was. When I stopped chasing the never ending career ladder, I realised that life was outside with people and friends and family.

I feel if you could change your view on what success is then you will be extremely satisfied. I would watch Dr wayne Dyers ambition to meaning. It is quite inspirational...

http://www.drwaynedyer.com/

Hope this helps...let me know..

Mee