View Full Version : I dont like people getting too close to me...
Hi
Has anyone ever felt like they dont want people close to them in their life?
People try to get friendly with me, but I keep them at arms length. I have been like this for a long time. I have had a lot of friends and was always sociable and outgoing and I do make friends easily but I don't want them getting close to me. I have pushed so many friends away by just cutting contact with them.
I always feel 'different' to other people.
I am always friendly with people and chat but thats as far as I want it to go...
I am quite happy with just a few people in my life. Does anyone think this is odd? I am sure my partner suspects this, but I have explained to him, that I am often at my happiest when I am on my own.
I cant be doing with people and I find a lot of people are uncaring and selfish - well ones I have met anyway! . I think there are very few genuinely nice caring people in the world it seems...I just like time spent keeping myself occupied with the things that I love doing, including reading, and all the other things plus being with my pets. I am the same with my family too. I find my family has a very negative impact on me due to all their problems and so I stay away plus they too are not ones for meeting up.
Do I sound really odd??? lol :wacko:
Sound just like me - I see myself as different.. to everyone. I used to enjoy that as a late teen and even in my very early 20s, but then my self-image started working against me.
To remedy that to some extent you can style yourself and adopt simple habits of things you perceive as being 'like other people'. That'll make you feel like you fit in when around people to a large degree.
The real problem I think though is negativity from worrying all the time. We spend so much time thinking how different we are from other people and focus on our anxieties, instead of focusing on how similar we all are.
You have more in common with other people than you do different I'd bet :hugs:
I myself do find it difficult to let people get close to me. I am trying to change. I have joined a bowling club in the last few weeks so I must try and let people to get to know me more. I have always been a very shy person. Having a stutter has made me very self aware of myself. It has taken me lots of years to face up to being different from other people, and to like myself as a person.
Hi Carefree and Keith :)
Thank you for your replies.
Keith - I hope the bowling goes well for you. I think its good to have an interest and make ourselves get out there and try to meet new friends, however call me anti social but I dont want any lol You sound like you are being very positive which is a good thing! :yesyes:
I have people who I know I could pick up the phone to and call and meet up with but I really dont want to. I am due to go to a party this coming weekend but already thinking of ways to not go which wont please my partner. :mad:
I am so happy not having people around mainly. I suppose a part of me feels that maybe this is odd considering I used to be very outgoing.:shrug:
Carefree - Dont get me wrong -I dont look 'odd' - I am very modern in how I look and love anything to do with clothes, make up, hair - all the usual girly things, however I would never adopt any image to 'fit in' with other people - they take me as I am or not at all.
I think since my breakdown I just want and need a quiet calm peaceful life now. I used to be out clubbing and pubbing all the time and had quite a wild past but since becoming unwell I have morphed into a pensioner it seems lol :ohmy: but I am enjoying it but feel like maybe I should not be like this also.
Sorry if this post makes no sense - my head feels foggy today with effects of citalopram :wacko:
Yes I'm just the same Poppy. I don't really have any close female friends and I'm quite happy about that. I could join things and make friends easily but I don't - I seem to back off.:shrug: I like talking to people when I walk my dog but I don't want to get involved in anything else. Maybe at the back of my mind I always worry that they won't like me so it's easier not to let friendships go any further.:huh: My o.h is the same though he's not one for going out with the lads or anything - he's happy just doing family things.
PoppyC you just sound burned out with 'people' and the nonsense that comes with them :roflmao:
You have every right to want to do what you want :)
I used to club a lot too, but now I can't think of anything worse. Though I do workout a lot now - I enjoy going to the gym, but I'm not attracted to gym personalities to be honest, so I wear headphones now :noangel: Apart from that, I don't really do anything socially, though my gf always whines (she's foreign so loves being out looking around). I'm happy this way... BUT.. I do dream of moving to Canada or America and being social. That motivates me actually..
Hi poppyc yes i know just how you feel Iam constantly pushing people away becausde I dont want anyone to be close to me. because Iam scared of rejection. so iam always doing things to make people not me and so that hthey hate me.
so Hugs I know EXACTLY what you GOING THROUGH.
I feel different from everyone, even my family. I tend to describe it as being a "Frasier Crane in a room full of Martins!". I think people find my intellect offputting and it makes me appear alienating. However, when I'm around people who are just as intelligent as me, I get the impression they think I'm stupid! :D Its a strange situation to be in, feeling as though you don't quite fit in. I've found that a lot of people are in cliques and aren't particularly welcoming to new people, if its intended or otherwise.
Poppy C-- this is going to be of no help to you whatsoever, and in fact i tried answering you but my answer took that long that i have started a new thread.
But regardless, i want to thank you for putting your post together, - I feel EXACTLY the same way, and i have never , until this evening, heard of anyone else feeling the same until i came across your post.
so , i cant help you, but want to thank you all the same.
I hope from the bottom of my heart you find whatever it is you want- and may you always have peace of mind.
x
you know i'm so glad i'm not the only one who's like this, i always thought it was just me and that i was alone, i know most people don't understand why, but it's ok to be different.
hi poppyc, i think it is natural in this condition....even i have had similar experiences. I stay away from my family and i feel good. I rarely call them and sometimes i call them once in a month.I dont feel like talking to family, friends and some times even my girl friend...i thought i was the only one like this..but now i know better..i have friends who want to meet me as often as possible but i dont feel like meeting them and i have avoided them many times..
Thumbelina
25-05-09, 13:03
I want to say that I also feel at times that I am pushing away people and dont let then get too close - though I genuenly believe that IT ONLY BECAUSE OF MY CONDITION AND BECAUSE I WAS HURT, but not because i feel different. I do not want to be too much different.
Being too much different presume that you are deviant. I want to be a normal and good citizen (as my son says).
I recommend you to reconsider your views on this issue as even coming on this forum means that you want to be around people, only you are more selective now after you been on the other side of happieness.
Please do not rule out that people that approach you can have only good intentions and that they will only make you feel better.
Take care
I am so so glad that you've posted this thread Poppy!
I've always felt like this and it worries me all the time that I'm strange and I don't always know why I do it, just when people get too close to me I push them right away and if I think that they are finding too much out about me and will class me as weird or crazy then I just back right away and don't answer phone calls or texts or things.
Ok, so that was a bit too much waffle, sorry, having a bit of an all-over-the-place day today...
Hi
Has anyone ever felt like they dont want people close to them in their life?
People try to get friendly with me, but I keep them at arms length. I have been like this for a long time. I have had a lot of friends and was always sociable and outgoing and I do make friends easily but I don't want them getting close to me. I have pushed so many friends away by just cutting contact with them.
I always feel 'different' to other people.
I am always friendly with people and chat but thats as far as I want it to go...
I am quite happy with just a few people in my life. Does anyone think this is odd? I am sure my partner suspects this, but I have explained to him, that I am often at my happiest when I am on my own.
I cant be doing with people and I find a lot of people are uncaring and selfish - well ones I have met anyway! . I think there are very few genuinely nice caring people in the world it seems...I just like time spent keeping myself occupied with the things that I love doing, including reading, and all the other things plus being with my pets. I am the same with my family too. I find my family has a very negative impact on me due to all their problems and so I stay away plus they too are not ones for meeting up.
Do I sound really odd??? lol :wacko:
Ive done this a lot, and its made me end up with only two real friends. I get so anxious with friends as I had a few so called friends really sh1t on me from a great height which has made me even more anxious about making friends with people.
Where have you been by the way I hope your ok?:)
goingmadder
04-06-09, 10:18
Great thread,
Learning so much about myself and my past its untrue...
I remember saying to someone many moons ago about the time my anxiety first started (although i didnt know back then thats what it was) that I always made it a point to know about those around me but would never devulge info about myself... I was like a detective, i would people watch... learn about the people in my college class, talk to them but mostly listen, I was like the invisible girl, people would know what I needed them to know but i would know who everyone was, where they went, what kind of charcters they were, how much of a threat they were... I've always been very selective like that never really wondered why...
Also I've always been a scanner...Whenever I went out with my friends, we were a group of 4-6 girls I always felt like the protector, I would walk in first then as the rest walked in and towards seats or the bar I would scan the entire venue for any faces that looked like they might cause trouble of any kind or be a threat to any of "my girls".... Even when we've been out with "the guys" I've always done the scanning... I beace very good at it picking up on facial expressions body language, tone, and I'd warn the group keep an eye on so or so or stay away from that corner its gonna kick off and 9 out of 10 times I'd be right...
I'l have to look within to see if im still doing things like this... I'm so used to it I just assume "its just the way I am" but im learning so much im starting to realise there are so many elements to my OCD and anxiety that need to be addressed.
Big hugs all xx
Terry12345
05-06-09, 09:43
My son is 20,
He sounds very like you. He is in Uni. and I'm not just saying it because I'm his mum but he is a six foot tall dark haired extremely good looking guy. Yet, his self esteem is so low. He seems so immature. At times I feel so sorry for him, that he is missing out on so much in life. He goes to Uni but yet never seems to want to develop any friendship with anyone, this was the same in school. Don't get me wrong if you met him you would think one to one, he was so different but yet in a crowd he doesn't seem to be able to mix at all. His father is quite the opposite to me and does not show feelings easily and I think that is this that has effected how my children are. He seems happy in himself and gets on well with my daughters friends but it's like he becomes another person when he leaves our own home area environment. How you help I just don't know, I wish someone knew..
eternally optimistic
05-06-09, 14:45
Hi Poppy
Your situation sounds just like me.
Most people I know, both friends, family and work colleagues would see me as quite outgoing and sociable. I suppose I am, BUT, I do have an issue with people is some strange way.
I like doing things on my own and sometimes think I am very strange not having friends. I know lots of people and would walk down the road and see people to talk to but am uncomfortable, in some respects, with it going any further. I am better than I was, mainly because I am more sure of who I am, I think.
I can totally relate to what you say and I think it is actually very normal.
We cant all be the same and we would be very boring if we were.
You are definitely not odd - just your own person, doing what is right for you.
Take care.
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