My Life ??????

[daniel22]

hi Everyone. Im Really Feeling Low And Depressed And Quite Honest Fed Up. My Anxiety Is Causing Me Problems Which Triggers My Panic Attacks. I Cant Sleep Very Well Nor Can I Eat Without Feeling Sick. My Partner Went Out Today Leaving Me Alone And He Knows I Hate Being On My Own, Makes Me More Anxious. He Went Ova One Of His Friends Who Thinks Im Faking My Disorder And Calls Me Pathetic! Cleary His Friends Are Far More Important To Him Then I Am! So Wots The Point Of Being Part Of This Existance! All I Feel Is Fear And Its Horrible And Cant Seem To Beat It.

thanks

[Chrismascray]

I had to reply to you, I am shocked I am the first, I am so sorry that it would appear you have a partner that is less sympathetic than you would wish, now what his friends say is irrelevant, who cares what some one thinks, he may well have a hidden agenda, perhaps he feels you are taking his mate, there is a long list of reasons why this 'friend' may be saying the things he is and none of them really matter ot should matter to you. Perhaps, and we all do HA or not, your partner felt the need for some space, some male friendship, it does happen to all of us, and also you can use the time to sit and relax and perhaps gather your thoughts. If replying to posts about HA is hard I find it damn near impossible to answer and problems that might, or might not, be in a relationship, certainly none of my business. I have though felt your feelings of ' So Wots The Point Of Being Part Of This Existance ' and I can tell you LOTS AND LOTS. People , I have found, who suffer anxiety and stress, worry too much and basically care too much are VERY carimng loving people, not selfish, people who care so much it can cause the symptoms, people in touch with their feelings, in fact people who love.
I know it can be so hard sometimes, you also sometimes wonder why the partner cannot see/feel what is going on, but lets be true here it is sometimes so hard to explain it to yourself let alone share it with anyone else. It is VERY difficult for those that have never suffered anxiety to know how REAL it is, if it was a broken arm then it is easy to see, cast and all, but anxiety and the feelings we all get dont show on the outside, they are just as real, cause just as much 'pain' and just as much inconvenience, with a broken arm or leg people see what is wrong and their attitude chanegs, they open doors dont bump into you and make sure you are 'fine'. Anxiey is hidden and even when you have been able to sit and tell some one what is going on, firstly it is never quite enough, you dont feel as though it has all come out, and they, if they have never had it will struggle to know its reality. I have a Brother who I have spoken to and he has no idea whatso ever about what its like, he simply cannot understand it, to him it is " come on pull yourself together" I have a Father who is similar, again no idea at all what it is like in my head, I do though have a Wife and some friends who care enough to at least try and understand. I was not suprised I did lose some friends when I decided to share what was happening with me, but I figured they liked the perception of me not the real me, they liked the person they wanted me to be as opposed to the person I am. I know there are people out there that care, hey I am typing this and we have never met, take strength from that, If I care and we have never met, I know there will be many many others and you will find them.
I cant say cheer up, dont worry because it is meaningless, in my opinion, but take a deep breath, have a little look around, you are worth a life you are worth happiness and you will find it, Trust me on this at least.
I do so hope what you wrote in your post was a moment of angst, a moment of someone not quite understanding you, and that things are better already, if not then I hope they get better soon.
Now here is the strict part, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!!

I think I may wel have messed the reply thingy up, I think this may well go as a reply to a half completed reply, hey I am bloke with HA and its early!!.

[melody]

Hi,

I think it's important to let your partner have some freedom to see his friends. I can't know if he's supportive or not, but it goes both ways. Does he let you talk? My partner when I was in a state of crying & panic ranting on about stuff, said to me "do you realise how many times you said self in those sentences." I was like "Grrr..., you don't understand". After I calmed down the next day I knew he does understand. He supports me every day when I need to talk without being mean all the time, even though I'm really annoying. And I was being completely self absorbed at the time. That's part of the mental illness. Not being able to seperate from yourself like others can. The important thing is he hasn't left me. He stayed by my side even no matter how crazy & irrational I became, because he knew I was trying my best to beat this thing & be more independant.

I would never want someone I love so much to never be allowed to see their friends again because I am unwell. If he did give in to these demands, he would become mentally unwell as well because dealing with us anxiety people is a lot of hard work. Then who could be there to be the strong one.

I very much doubt he thinks his friends are more important than you. I don't know how often you feel this way, or if you always try to stop him from going. If you let him have freedom when you can cope, he will know the difference of how serious it is that time. I think compromise is valuable in any relationship. Perhaps you could ask your partner to call you, or text, so you feel a bit more reassured. I am certain he cares about you.

Everyone needs a little fun in their lives, even you! If he gets to go out all night, that gives you the right to buy stuff to pamper yourself & buy something that makes you feel special. For me it's chips & softdrink (naughty. yum!) & puzzle books or my art supplies. When was the last time you splurged on yourself??????

Hope you feel better soon :)

[PoppyC]

Hi
I am sorry you feel as you are.
Forget what your partners friend says about you - who cares what he thinks - let him think what he likes. Its what you feel about yourself that matters and what your partner feels about you.
A lot of people will never understand just how debilitating anxiety and other disorders are until they have experienced it personally themselves.
I am now quite agoraphobic due to my anxiety and breakdown. My partner is hardly ever at home including weekends away as he is in the military. Sometimes it gets me down but what can I do? ask him to give up what he loves doing just because I have anxiety and panic attacks? I cant keep him away from his friends. He would end up resenting me in the long run. When he is with me we spend quality time together usually.
When I was well I would have hated any partner asking me not to go here or there. I would be there for him if he was ill but obviously we all have our own lives to lead too and I couldnt be around him all the time.
I wont say I enjoy being on my own all the time, but I have learned that its not fair to ask my partner not to go here or there due to how I feel. He has his life and he cant not do things because I am feeling unwell - Ok if I were really in a bad way I know he would be there - but I know how I am must be boring and as whiny as anything for him at times. I am anything but like the woman he started dating when we first met!
Sometimes our rship is rocky and I know that like with any other rship it could end and then I would be on my own, so I need to be independent in a way.
Its never good to become too dependent on another person to help with our problems. They cant always be there and its not fair to expect them to be our support all the time.
Try finding ways to cope with how you feel when you are on your own. You will feel stronger for it. Keep yourself occupied and as distracted as possible and you will find the time passes sooner until your partner is back with you.
I hate being dependant on others it makes me feel a bit pathetic - but thats just me! I know everyone is different.