Desire

[mysonmarcus]

Hi folks

Doesn't the deep desire to be well actually 'create' tension and increase feelings of panic (it does in me)? If so, isn't this deep desire one of the main factors for keeping these fear reactions alive? Like wanting anything soooooooo badly in normal living and not getting it eventually causes a lot of upset?

Surely wanting to be well so much is fundementally against the best approach to becoming well?

Does this make sense?

Mark

[mysonmarcus]

............................ total acceptance surely comes when a person resigns to fate!

[NoPoet]

I think it can induce feelings of desperation when you start asking yourself why you aren't feeling better.

[mysonmarcus]

Yes Poet, thats what I mean, it becomes a deep psychological 'scar'.

Like losing someone dear either through them passing away or through seperation, we hate the loss and we want to change it when of course we just cant...... just like we cant change anxiety by wanting it or willing it away.

There are lessons to be learnt by the way 'non-anxiety affected' people manage themselves.

The human spirit can accept poverty, war, misjustice and death, people in disadvantage countries are forced to accept horrific living standards. Some humans with severe physical handicaps manage to maintain decent levels of happiness and emotional stability.

Panic disorder (generalised term) is as much an affliction of the effect of 'loss' as it is of anything else.

Loss of control,
Loss of self esteem, humiliation, respect,
Loss of health
Loss of freedom of movement
Loss of the enjoyment of life (as the individual is accustomed to)

[VickieX]

Yeah that makes total sence.
thats what i find annoying
is wanting something so bad
and the more you want it the further away you are from it
x

[mysonmarcus]

Yes, Vicki, wanting something very bad, hurts so much, its made so many people unwell........and as far as Panic and Anxiety goes we all want it to go away so much.

There is so much advice to 'accept and to face fears', to get the 'attitude right' and to 'stop avoiding'.................... we all know this. We try...............................but there are so many people here saying the same things and suffering for months and years.

Maybe if we can see things from a different angle, an angle easier to relate to, such as understanding how nerves react to the deep upset caused by Loss (or percieved loss),.............

Or an individuals personality trait, a trait that makes that person persist in a never ending drive, not to be, 'like I am'....................

If we can see at least these 2 personality traits as the reason nerves are always on edge, then inner tension should be a darn sight easier to 'accept', far easier than 'accepting' a force 10 panic while out shopping.

There is a common denominator between all of us here regarding anxiety,..............we are stuck in the mental loop of, 'oh I want it go' and 'oh its still there', hour after hour and day after day. This thought, process still focuses on the feelings and not the cause.

The actual root cause is our reaction to Loss, whether real or perceived and also our drives and desires which are unrealised or blocked.

[RobinW]

Interesting insight. My partner suffers from Panic attacks and has now for approx 18 years with the avoidance of any exposure becoming increasingly more severe each year. She has tried some of the therapies with limited results and has decided that it is doubtful she will ever recover and so has chosen to give up rather than suffer false hope as she sees it.
In principle she has agreed (at my suggestion) to try hypno therapy but has made no positive moves to research/talk to her GP/talk to a therapist/look at web sites.

Any advice in getting her to be more positive and proactive? The way I see it is I can support her but for the therapy to have a chance it has to be her who is willing to try again.

Robin

[mysonmarcus]

Hi Robin

Your partner is fortunate to have someone who takes an active role in supporting her recovery............... many, many people on here struggle on alone each day in the anxiety loop, trying every source for help.

Much of panic is learned behaviour............... for instance, I had a very anxious and nervous mum (god bless her), I was also sheltered and defended if critizied................what did I fail to learn with this type of upbringng??

How to socialise, look after myself and assert myself and to be over sensitive with people, easily thrown off balance...............coming out the victim of exchanges over time makes you want to 'avoid'............then this is the gateway to panic.

Likewise a strong sense of 'duty' hurts, it adds tension.

I feel the 'why' we are anxious is due to an ineffective process in dealing with Loss, Guilt etc...............when all we are told to deal with are the anxious sensations.............the proof of the pudding is in the eating, the members of this board all know the information availabe but dont progress.

Development of an 'in a year I will be feeling a lot better' is a very good start. cya