Problems with seeking/taking advice from professionals

[ladybird64]

Hi all.
First of all, sorry for the ridiculously long post title.This is quite difficult for me to write as I feel really stupid but hope maybe someone can give me a few supportive words.
I have a real problem approaching any professional for help with anything health related. I felt quite safe approaching my old GP as he was practical and had time to listen but my new GP surgery..I hate even going there. Yes, there a a few different GP's there, I have seen 3 of them but the place is cold, clinical and they are more interested in their computers than me.I say new surgery but I have actually been with this bunch for more than 2 years and I don't have any faith in them at all..I just feel that they see me as a set of symptoms to be diagnosed and treated, thus bringing more money into their pockets.
This started off as a a mild feeling of mistrust but has rapidly turned into something a lot bigger and I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do.Part of the problem is that I have a thinking process that demands alot of myself, ie somewhere along the line I developed my anxiety and agoraphobic issues and I have to sort them out, without professional assistance.I don't think it's pride or a fear of failure..to tell the truth, I don't know what it is.
Anyway, I have realised recently that these thoughts are transferring to issues regarding my physical health as well. I do have some health issues, I suffer from quite severe asthma and have high blood pressure and reflux and am supposed to take medication for these. I am still using my inhalers, basically because I can't breathe if I don't, but have stopped taking the Zoton for reflux and am only taking my blood pressure meds intermittently.I'm not actually frightened of taking meds but it's almost as if my brain is telling me that this is an unatural thing to be doing and I shouldn't be relying on these things..situation not helped by the fact that I have just read info that says I will probably have to take blood pressure meds for the rest of my life.
I have also been ordered in for repeat blood tests by the GP as the last lot showed an elevated white cell count meaning that I have an infection somewhere..I told the receptionist on Friday that I'm not having it done because I feel fine. I had to take masses of medication as a child and since adulthood I have always been a bit bolshy about taking them..but not as bad as this.
I have even stopped reading Claire Weekes books as in my mind she was still a professional..and I can't trust professionals. Yet I have no problem asking for advice here on the forum or running to chat when I need to talk urgently.
I am going to add something which I wasn't going to but anyway..I have had a certain degree of trust issues with doctors since I was admitted into hospital in 1989 with an asthma attack (having had well over 2 hundred admissions since I was born). I went to A and E and was seen by someone who said "ah asthmatic..in here under false pretences, are you?"I have never forgotten those words as that man left me sitting in a and E deteriorating for 8 hours..that evening I was transferred to Intensive Care and put on a life support machine. Obviously I lived to tell the tale and managed to get over my mistrust up to a point, at least i was fairly compliant in taking necessary medication.As this moment in time, I feel like chucking the meds in the bin particularly as I feel ok but I know that would be daft.
I have been advised by many people here to go to the GP..well, this is why I can't.Any advice on how to deal with this would be very welcome..I guess thinking I can cure myself of everything without help is a case of flawed positive thinking!Or maybe it's not, I don't even consult the self-help books.. Thanks X

[ladybird64]

:mad: I treid to edit my post above as when I wrote it, it actually had proper paragrahs and spacing..which have all disappeared for some reason!
Anyone who actually manages to plough through it all, thanks and you deserve a medal. :D

[melody]

Hi,

I have a mistrust of doctors too. They are very clinical & closed off, where as I am very emotional. I keep thinking I can fix myself too, I get very idealistic, then I get all upset when it's so much harder than I told myself it would be.

There is no shame in accepting help. It doesn't make you weak, it helps you be stronger. When I had to go to a shrink & I didn't want to waste my time & money, I spent several days furiously writing in my diary before I made an appointment. Then I highlighted the bits I felt were most important & that were the bare facts, and I cut out a lot of the confused rambling parts and rewrote what I thought was important, so my writing would be very clear about what I needed and what the problem was. Then when I saw the therapist, I didn't feel so frustrated like we were on the wrong topics etc. I felt like everything was clear and we had saved wasting weeks of annoying therapy time in which I probably would have given up on it. You might want to write what questions you have that you need answers for. At least then you will know that you did everything you could to help yourself out & can't feel guilty at all.

That was a bit wordy too. It's a very difficult issue. I wish you the best of luck. I know it's hard when doctors act like they can cure you, but their powers are very limited. I don't know if that's where your mistrust is coming from. If they say you'll be better in 2 weeks you can feel hurt & betrayed by it all if you aren't & it doesn't go away at all. That might just be me? They are doing the best with the information they have available to them.

I hope you feel better soon.