Please say it gets better than this

[clm]

I've gone from a relatively healthy happy mum of two to a complete wreck in 6 weeks and I just cant cope anymore. I had a panic problem in my teens but got through it and only had the odd attack for years. Then 6 weeks ago I got a PA, and they just kept coming. I'm on beta blockers and have been on fluoxetine for a few days now but every day is getting worse and worse. I could barely leave the house today to buy food. For the second night in a row I'm in bed, awake, exhausted but terrified of what is going on with me.

I just want things to be how they were so little time ago, and I'm so scared.

I dont know what to do - I dont know what anyone can do to help, I just had to get it out.

[melody]

Hi,

I was told when I was at rock bottom:
If you want to walk from here to home (about 2 kilometers), you could stop and worry and get upset that it was so far away, which wouldn't get you anywhere.
Or you could put one foot in front of the other, and then the next foot.
You could walk as quickly or as slowly as you liked, but so long as you were walking in the right direction, you will eventually arrive at your destination.

It means it doesn't matter how strong you are, or how much time it takes to get yourself well, as long as you know that you are doing what you can to help yourself change your life, over time you will get to where you want to be.

Be proud of small achievements. Look at times you aren't what you want to be not as failures, but see the aspirations of what you hope to become again. Visualise how it will look and feel when you achieve your goals.

I am not a fan of wishing. It encourages helplessness. It is not a clear goal, so it may never be achievable. Remember to take a break from your thoughts for a small amount of time each day, even 2-5 minutes at first. Time to realise that even though you want normality so badly, the only way to achieve it is to let go of the thoughts. Imagine someone is scrubbing the blackened thoughts from your mind so that you can start fresh.

There are no magic cures, but if you stay strong and believe in yourself and that you are OK, you can keep reminding yourself each day that everything is OK. Your mind will give up its resistance a little at a time. One step at a time.

[lotte_82]

Hi Sorry you are feeling like this...I have no wise words of wisdom as I am also struggling but just wanted to let you no you are not alone :blush:

I have not had a full nights sleep now for months and months, its been that long I cant remember when I last slept the whole night

[Allye]

Clm

Anxiety, PAs and all the other associated illnesses ARE illnesses, just like mumps, measles. the flu etc. The difference is that you cannot see them - just feel them.

If you had for example flu, you feel awful, but you know deep in your heart that you will get better, it may take a week, 2 weeks or even a month to feel completely right.

Its the same with anxiety, PAs etc. They are an illness, albeit without the reassurance of spots, rashes, a runny nose etc etc. You can and will get better, it just takes time.

As well as meds I suggest you try some relaxation CDs and maybe some self help books. They will help you understand exactly what is wrong and why your body is acting the way it is. Alternatively Nic has incorporated a lot of the information into this site.

When I first got PAs three years ago I was exactly in the same place you are now. I was a healthy single mum with an excellent well paid job, flew all around the world and was a real party animal. After developing PA suddenly I was like you, lying in bed, worrying, panicing, having PA after PA to the extent I could not get out of bed for a week!!

Three years on, I have had some ups and downs, but I am still here, I have survived.

Give the meds a go, give the self help books and information on this site a go along with some relaxtion CDs.

The biggest feeder to your PAs you have diagnosed yourself - you are very scared. That will keep your adreneline pumping and your panic attacks going.

Distraction sometimes helps as well - to take your mind off your body try listening to http://www.controllinganxiety.com/dsp_downloads.php. You will find some items there to listen to which may also help distract you. There are some recordings by Claire Weekes (Dr). Don't be put off by her voice - she was the pioneer of diagnosing the nervous illnesses and if you keep listening things may start to become clearer.

Sorry for the long post, PM me if it would help.

Take care
Allye

[mysonmarcus]

Hi CLM

I know it is such a terrible shock to have PA's, one of the keys is not to use the problem solving (always asking why me) part of your mind to figure this out, this alone has many of us more anxious that we should be.

Instead, you will find if you quieten your mind especially at night (although it feels impossible initially) more regular sleep patterns will return. Allow 10 days.

Dont 'measure' your progress, you will notice from posts on here when a person registers a good period/day it will initiate anxiety. I went out last night to Somerfield, very dizzy, very weird, I couldn't care less, its not important, this morning working in my kennels a spell of dizziness again, so I sat down and waited for it to pass and did something else, I a not bothered. This is 'me' how I am right this moment. Treat this illness as you would a bad case of Flu, you know your movements would be resricted if you had Flu, same here, as the last repy commented.

Comment to yourself that this will take 1 year to fix, it takes away urgency and removes tension. Dont do anything wondering 'if its there', it will be, just stop and steady yourself and move into the next moment.

Dont wish it away, want it away or push it away, embrace how you are now to the best of your abilities and when you stray away from that attitude (and you will), just pull it back.

There is a REAl reason for your anxiety, it will be guilt, loss, being overwhlmed by lifes commitments or an unresolved emotional issue. When you know what it is most likely to be (and this is quite the easy bit because your memory will remind you again and again) you can begin to resolve.

It could be anything, a problem large or small. If you have issues with a work colleague,.............. or are in a bad relationship or feel out of control in a part of your life (including anxiety) your memory will remind you again and again.

Regarding physical sensations

If you feel physical discomfort, try to increase it = reduction in tension (not necessary symptoms),
If you are dizzy, try to increase it = reduction in tension (not necessary symptoms),
If you feel panicky try to increase it = reduction in tension (not necessary symptoms),

You may fail many times, just get back on the horse.

.............the fix is delicate, if you have social phobia, attempt a gradual approach, if you have probs in shops, attempt the gradual approach. Look for tiny, tiny gains.................. a minute without thinking about yourself, 10 seconds worth of observation (lets see how bad this will get), then the next 10 seconds and the next and the next!

Please, please, please dont try to push this away.

I wish you the very best

Mark

[PUGLETMUM]

yes it does get better than this - however i have suffered for more than half of my life and i had tried everything to help myself but nothing worked long term - until i discovered mindfulness - well i say discovered, i actually first became aware of something called 'mindfulness' from some of the members on here - however i didnt look into - but again i had a rock bottom and i was determined that i would not carry on my life like that - so i recommend looking into a guy called jon kabat zinn and his methods of doing mindfulness - you will learn that the 'need' you feel to get back to where you were is infact fuelling your anxiety and panic - anxiety and panic wont kill you, but you become afraid of them becasue of memories and asscociations - surely you can remember being well enough to convince yourself that its as realistic to be okay as it is to be in the mess you are now? you are letting memories of panic attacks and the physical sensations they give you become utterly focused on them as though you beleive the thoughts and feelings - thoughts are thoughts - you cant ignore bad ones but you dont have to agree with them - you can ignore them and listen to the positive thoughts - mindfulness awareness of our thoughts and the impact they have on the body has been the key to my recovery - its like you are in quick sand you are struggling sooooo much to get back to somewhere you cant get to (the past is gone and you only have now, the future may never come) that you are actually sinking deeper and deeper - mindfulness is the only effective method i have found to stop this type of struggle:)

[peppercchook]

hi there. I remember very well how terrified i was ALL the time when i first started having panic attacks. I didn't know what was going on I was absolutely convinced i was going insane which filled me with the worst fear i could have imagined. feelings of unreality and being disconnected to my surroundings (due to such high levels of anxiety) and no emotional reserves whatsoever left me in terror having PA after PA and not even knowing at the time what a PA was!! My point is that understanding what anxiety is and how it works is half the battle to be on your way back to normality. I have found that meditation and relaxation techniques have helped me alot. I also take Avanza for depression which has been very effective also in that area. It has been months since I've had a full blown panic attack. I am now concentrating on getting my general anxiety down and am feeling more relaxed all the time. I still get very anxious when in particular situations but this is becoming less and i think i will only get better as long as i meditate daily. I do know how you feel right now and remember you are not alone in feeling so terrified. Educate yourself-it makes all the difference. Good Luck!

[clm]

Thank you all for your detailed replies, I really appreciate it. I am looking through all the information you've given and taking it in.

I guess if I felt like I had the time and space to deal with things then it wouldnt be so bad, but life isnt that easy. At the moment I am trying tosort out getting the kids picked up from school and have no way of doing it. I cant even book a taxi to pick them up as they're too young. I dont know what to do. On Friday I have to drive them 40 miles to meet their dad - I already cancelled last weekend. I dont physically know how to do these things. And it's all adding to my stress and panic.

[mysonmarcus]

CLM

Emmas uses different words but the message is the same, you have an anxiety condition at present, the feelings will reduce with the correct approach.

You will know when you are making progress when 'thought' alone does not bring as many sensations of fear, whilst sensations of fear are still present and react unpleasently to thought then an anxious state remains .

Reduction of the intensity of symptoms occur firstly when you truly inderstand at the basest of levels (core belief) what situation of guilt, loss trauma etc etc etc caused the onset. This first step stop you questioning why?....and takes you out of that paticular loop. Its VERY important.

Then you are just left with unpleasent 'feeling', which disperses over time. 2 weeks for panics to become more occasional........... .

Very best wishes

Mark

[mysonmarcus]

CLM

If you had broken your leg then family would have had to help, you would know that you could not do certain things. The same is with this condition, you will need to adjust for the time being as will the people around you.

Please dont burden yourself with pressure, it will increase tension and anxiety, what doesn't get done will have to stay undone in the meantime.

Let the world sort itself around YOU, not the other way around.

Mark

[clm]

Thank you again, I've just had a teary conversation with my mum, who is now aware and wants to help. I'm going to look for someone to drive the kids to and from school for 4 weeks to give myself some time off without having to worry. I'm going back to the GP this evening for a sleeping pill for tonight, so I can have just one good nights sleep (and hope things get back into persective a little!). And I've found further information on mindfulness, CBT and accupunturists in the area which are all areas I'm keen to explore.

Thank you, I couldnt have even done this step if it werent for the knowledge that there are people like all of you out there, willing to help

[lorac]

Hi CLM

Great advice you have been given here, they are all so right. I totally agree with Mark, the hardest thing for me to accept was that I could not do all the things I used to be able to do and for ages I lived with guilt and anger I used to hate myself for not being the woman who could cope with anything. Once I learned to accept that for the time being things had to be put on hold and learned to be kinder to myself the anxiety got alot better and without the extra pressure I started to achieve so much more.

I would like to recommend a book written by Dr. Claire Weeks called Self Help for your Nerves, the book was my salvation it really helped me to understand what was going on and how to deal with all those horrible sensations I was feeling. I really have turned my life around, yes I do still suffer from time to time with anxiety but I have learned to deal with it and not to dwell on the bad times and now I find more positive things in myself.

Take care

Carol

[mysonmarcus]

Hi CLM

It sounds like Carol has lots of experience (trial and error and lots of disappoinment I would guess) as we all have.

You have to manage a NEW YOU for the time being, that bit wont actually be so bad...............spend some time finding the reasons, they are important, not for everyone but for some................ Once you have locked into one or 2 then you will actually be a better friend to yourself. Instead of questioning 'why me', or 'I am so weak' you can sympathise and understand.

You can rely on the fabulous people in here to let you know their success and failures.......from which you can map your best approach.

Best wishes

Mark

[clm]

Wow - thanks everyone! Well I've had my best afternoon so far since this all began, and I can only think it's down to your calming words. The gp gave me some diazapam for emergencies, which is also helpful to have around. And I've had some responses to an ad I put up about a driver to take my kids to and from school for a while, which will really take the pressure off - I spend hours worrying about who to ask to help me everyday!!

Just one good afternoon has really lifted me - I've remembered that I *am* still a nice, fun person, and I just have to live slightly differently for a while. It was so lovely to spend the afternoon in the sun with my kids and see them really happy to be with me (for a change!)

[NoPoet]

I've gone from a relatively healthy happy mum of two to a complete wreck in 6 weeks and I just cant cope anymore. I had a panic problem in my teens but got through it and only had the odd attack for years. Then 6 weeks ago I got a PA, and they just kept coming. I'm on beta blockers and have been on fluoxetine for a few days now but every day is getting worse and worse. I could barely leave the house today to buy food. For the second night in a row I'm in bed, awake, exhausted but terrified of what is going on with me.

I just want things to be how they were so little time ago, and I'm so scared.

I dont know what to do - I dont know what anyone can do to help, I just had to get it out.

Hi Clm, you just told my story lol, that's more or less what happened to me, I had a major panic attack a few weeks ago and I have been a wreck ever since! I've been on citalopram for 5 weeks and am finding it rocky to say the least. I've got counselling coming up soon which I am really looking forward to.

People tell me that I have improved a lot since I started taking citalopram. I've put a lot of mental effort in as well. I think the counselling will help me to cure myself.

Our stories are similar so hopefully what works for me will work for you!! I think you should ask for counselling as soon as possible, everything you can do to fight back is worth it!!

[mysonmarcus]

CLM

Such a positive post after all the worry, you see how making just a few life changes that remove the stressors really makes a difference, well done.

See the anxiety has a cause.

...............and yes, live slightly different for a while, its not so bad.

Mark