tulip123
17-08-05, 13:30
I thought I would like to share my story with you.
My anxiety problems started in my teens. I was very popular at school and was bright and confident in myself. Things changed overnight as a rumour (which was wholly unture) destroyed everything I knew about myself and my world around me. Even the people who spread the rumour knew it to be untrue but persisted all the same until the whole school showed a dislike (some cases hatred), even some of the teachers. Only a few close friends stuck by me. I don't know what I would have done without them. The school delt irresponsibly with it and I suppose felt guilty by the time I left. Point is I had begun a journey - I failed all my exams, even walked out of one, much to the delight of many pupils (I wasn't ready to deal with tests). This begun ther time when I would switch from despair to repairing the damage - which I am doing. I saw pychatrists, pyscho therapists, took medicines (didn't help), confided in friends (important not to bottle up). I couldn't sleep, breath properly or sit in an enclosed room for more than ten minutes without wanting to get up and leave. I suppose I felt smothered by life. I stumbled through college and passed, not without special provision and long months when I didn't go because of the threat of panic. I resisted the easy way out of leaving. Because over the years I fed my fear with whatever it disliked the most - socialising, having a sense of humour, learning from others, being gentle with myself, getting out as much as possible, doing voluntary work, not being afraid of failure (because I have made a fool of myself so many times, I supposed it dosen't worry me now). Over the time I regained back some sort of confidence and regained periods of normality and happiness, becoming more and more frequent. I still get unwell but not on the scale as before and I have learned my inner rescue remedies through time and experience which no medicine can do. There are no magic wands (IMHO) but with determination everything comes out in the wash. I now have a very responsible and fullfillig job which I love (which took me on another hard road) and I wouldn't change one part of myself despite the anxiety and periods of doubt. I have good friends, make people laugh and get on with nearly everyone I meet. It is the opposite to what I thought I was capable of even 15 years ago but that for me is what I needed to do - no choice really. But it dosen't happen instantly - just like a flower opening its' petals.
Tulip
My anxiety problems started in my teens. I was very popular at school and was bright and confident in myself. Things changed overnight as a rumour (which was wholly unture) destroyed everything I knew about myself and my world around me. Even the people who spread the rumour knew it to be untrue but persisted all the same until the whole school showed a dislike (some cases hatred), even some of the teachers. Only a few close friends stuck by me. I don't know what I would have done without them. The school delt irresponsibly with it and I suppose felt guilty by the time I left. Point is I had begun a journey - I failed all my exams, even walked out of one, much to the delight of many pupils (I wasn't ready to deal with tests). This begun ther time when I would switch from despair to repairing the damage - which I am doing. I saw pychatrists, pyscho therapists, took medicines (didn't help), confided in friends (important not to bottle up). I couldn't sleep, breath properly or sit in an enclosed room for more than ten minutes without wanting to get up and leave. I suppose I felt smothered by life. I stumbled through college and passed, not without special provision and long months when I didn't go because of the threat of panic. I resisted the easy way out of leaving. Because over the years I fed my fear with whatever it disliked the most - socialising, having a sense of humour, learning from others, being gentle with myself, getting out as much as possible, doing voluntary work, not being afraid of failure (because I have made a fool of myself so many times, I supposed it dosen't worry me now). Over the time I regained back some sort of confidence and regained periods of normality and happiness, becoming more and more frequent. I still get unwell but not on the scale as before and I have learned my inner rescue remedies through time and experience which no medicine can do. There are no magic wands (IMHO) but with determination everything comes out in the wash. I now have a very responsible and fullfillig job which I love (which took me on another hard road) and I wouldn't change one part of myself despite the anxiety and periods of doubt. I have good friends, make people laugh and get on with nearly everyone I meet. It is the opposite to what I thought I was capable of even 15 years ago but that for me is what I needed to do - no choice really. But it dosen't happen instantly - just like a flower opening its' petals.
Tulip