And then the clouds clear and the sun shines

[goingmadder]

Afternoon all...

I felt that i always tend to post here when i feel really bad, when the anxiety is controling me.. Decided today to turn it on itself...

Yesterday I went on about how bad a time i was having and how i felt this time it wasn't going to end...

WELL IT HAS! As it always does.

Today i feel great, my GAD and my ROCD has slipped away and looking back on yesterday and the 3-4 days before hand it all seems so irrational so silly.

I am sure at some stage it will return and i will be right back here venting it all..

but in the mean time I wanted to remind everyone who is today feeling bad, anxious, scared panicky.... that IT WILL PASS.....YOU WILL BE OK.....

I'm so grateful for this place, for all you wonderful people who manage through your own difficult times to shine a light and lead me out of my cave as i am trying to do now for you....

Bless you all and hope you all find some peace today and all the days that follow

We are warriors and we continue to be!

Big hugs

XXX

[lotte_82]

Thats lovely to read :hugs:

Im glad today is good for you :blush: xx

[mysonmarcus]

Hi Madder

Please resist the urge to measure how you feel, its linked to the disorder and can trigger the symptons............, its as much necessary to not think that way as it is to feel poorly..............In fact its part of the disorder.

If the up feeling is strong and at a certain level then then the 'down' mirrors it.

See that 'even emotions' signify progress.

I wish you very best as always.

Mark

[unknown]

v positive post thank you muchly!

[goingmadder]

Hey hey

Mysonmarcus,

Can i ask and please don't take this the wrong way, the "info" you include in your reply, is that medical fact or based on your own experiencs.

I don't mean to deny your theory, but merely state that if it is based on your experience of anxiety or panic or even that of someone close to you then you must understand that everyone is different and so our experience of the anxiety will also be different.

Please don't misunderstand me.. I aprreciate you're comments as much as anyone elses...

To me stating the difference between a good day or bad day is simply to appreciate my time when anxiety has losened its terrible grip on me. i am totally aware that what goes up must come down, but conversely the same is also true when it comes to anxiety... When we go down part of the process of reducing the anxiety is remembering that it will pass and we will feel ok again soon.

I'm not on a ridiculous High having riden my last wave of anxiety, i am merely fully appreciative and aware of the fact that life is indeed good and anxiety is not forever...

i hope you understand....

Love and hugs to all

XXXX

[Panickypants]

What a great post, it's brill to hear u are feeling great,and like you said i think it is important to express when you are feeling good as well as feeling bad, we post when we are feeling bad(exept me cos i haven't been able to log on) So why not when feeling good too.....

I have to add i am also feeling good right now same for the last 3 days, the few days before were bad but now i feel great x x

[mysonmarcus]

Hi Madder

Many thanks for your comments, its right and proper to debate these suggestions. I was waiting for someone to question me so thanks for being the first! I am more than open to learning and really trying to find the hardest facts to help with the disorder.

I have to say there is an indefinable line in what I post between personal experience and medical fact (as it currently stands). Medical theory and fact are many times at odds due to the complexity of each sufferers symptoms....... its why I bang on about 'cause' so much.

I ask you to look at your recent history of anxiety to find out whether what I am saying is correct (I dont mind being wrong in a any way;-).

On the point of feeling good, how natural to feel elated by a good day, dont get me wrong, I feel that way too..............I might say now just so you know me better I am 7-10 days into recovery without medcation after a very strong relapse.

The specific point about measuring feeling either good or bad is that it 100% means you are still connected to physical feeling which indicates the anxious state as very present (even if you feel well). As it would be............

Take a non-anxiety affected person, they may live with headaches, backache, poor sight and minor ailments, and measure and mark them too..............however in this person, it is not connected to anxiety.

Intense introspection is the symptom of the affected person.

How many non-affected people do you know who actually say 'I feel ok today'?? Not many, its taken for granted.........there is no deep emotional connection as such. The anxiety affected person is incredibly impressed by their good feelings and thats the reason I humbly believe that 'marking' any exageration either up or down isn't helpful. The anxious person does it, the non-affected rarely does in normal living!................to aspire to become a non-affected person, we have to behave as these persons behave.

You wont find the description above in any book, they are my thoughts, I humbly present them on a public forum for comments.

Can I make a comment on one of your observations please, you wrote "When we go down part of the process of reducing the anxiety is remembering that it will pass and we will feel ok again soon".

This is a clear 'wanting' of anxiety to pass which leads to an increase of the spiral of tension when it doesn't..............

Let me ask you if this has been your wish and opinion for some time??...and also ask you what you think would be the result if you spent the time just quietening down ANY thoughts and internal comments about anxiety.

Thank you once again for your thoughts, if we are all going to be non-affected we need to challenge current counselling, CBT methods and views, there are still too many people who have exhausted their options who have tried everything.

Thank you for reading.

Mark


"

[NoPoet]

Nice one Goingmadder, anxiety is your biatch :D

[SueBee]

Well said Mark,

I so wish I could get up in the morning and just 'be', instead of always assessing how I feel and how I'll feel that day. It annoys me no end because I just want to get on with life without the constant assessment of my emotions :lac:

[melody]

Hi,

I think it's great that you feel that way. I write how I feel all the time & when I write something positive about life like that I keep it where I can get to it again, because the next time I can reread it & I know for a fact that it's true because it's my own words.

I don't consider it cured because that can lead to disappointment. I consider it an excellent step in the right direction. Keep it up!!!!

Be happy :)

Melody

[goingmadder]

Hi Everyone,

Myson, thanks for your theory... I understand how you're looking at it and think its a very well thought out idea.

I don't entirely agree with it though. You comment about non-affected people and aspiring to be like them and mention that non affected people do not wake up in the morning and conciously think "wow i feel great today"

I agree that the symptoms of anxiety differ from person to person, how it affects you, how you feel about it, what you want to accomplish through it.

In my case, as much as I dispise the negative thoughts and realise how much pain they have caused over the years, they have been a part of me for 12 years and as such a lot of the good things in my life have occured because of some of the "negative traits" my GAD, ROCD and Depression have built in me. I do not thing they happend in spite of them.

For instance I have met and deeply connected with several very special people because of my "issues" whom if i were a "non-affected" I may never have met.

I feel that my GAD ROCD and bouts of depression have given me a unique perspective of life and a different experience of the world and the people in it and I dare say I am a better person for it.

My issues have made me a more open, more caring, more intuitive, more motivated, more loving, more spiritual, more sympathetic, less judgmental, less hateful, more forgiving, less materialistic, person than most "non-affected" people i know because of the very fact that all of my issues cause me to mark my days as good and bad therefor never taking for granted any of the good things in life, and I wouldn't forfeit any of these great things about myelf for the chance to have never suffered anything my whole life.

I am sure that most people here could write similar lists about the good aspects of their personality that have come about through there unique experience of anxiety/depression/obsessions.

Non-affected people in general (in my opinion) take their lives and the world for granted and will never experience the levels of appreciation and joy that people like us can experience on a good day.

The anxiety and depression can be terrible but they give us a glimpse of the dark side allowing us to fully appreciate the light.

You can not fully experience something without the whole spectrum.. for example, you switch on a torch in a well lit room and I say this torch is really bright, you may well agree with me. However you do not fully experienced just how bright the torch is... until that is i switch off the lights in the room ... only in the darkness can the light of the torch show its true strenth and brilliance and whats more, its importance, because in the dark, its that torch that lights the way.

I do not aspire to be non-affected... i aspire to understand myself, learn how to cope with my anxiety and in the good times be gratefull that i know what it is to suffer in order to fully appreciate the wonderful moments in between...

I imagine that not everyone will agree with this and many do aspire to be non affected and i respect everyones desire and choices... These are simply my views and my appreciation of life in all its unpredictable glory.

My best wishes and biggest hugs to everyone...

XXXXXX

[mysonmarcus]

Hi Madder

The are a very intelligent and insightful person, I enjoyed reading this reply. I can only say yes to the point of the 'unique perspective' you have gained about the emotional feelings and compassion for other sufferers that seems to be common amongst us.

That you mention you dont wish to be non-anxious is the most interesting thing you said....................I have to question why?......and search for my version of understanding.

I would say this would be due to a depressed state, a core belief of helplessness.................... or .................a feeling of inability to cope with certain stressors of life which would need to be addressed in wellness.

When depressed many years ago I used to see depression as a stairway into a dark cellar, the further I went down the darker I was inside and the further away from the light and as I rose up the stairs I came closer to the light..............

Thank you for stretching me in this way..............

My very best wishes to you.

Mark

[goingmadder]

Hi Myson

You may have misunderstood my point. I did not say that i do not wish to be non-anxious ... i said i do not wish to be non affected.

The difference?

I already have many periods of being Non-anxious ... I know what it is to not feel anxious and can only know that peace byecause i know what it is to feel anxious.

I do not fear being non-affected, nor do I feel depressed in anyway and I can say this with confindence because i Know what it is to feel depressed.

Think of it like this.... When you get something like say Tonsilitis... (im using that cos its something i have had quite a few times)... At first it is painful and you feel very ill... after a few days you forget what it is like to not feel the pain in your throat... you try to imagine or remember how your throat felt the day before tonsilitis kicked in and you can't. The reason you can't remember or imagine is because until you got sick you took feeling good for granted... it didn't dawn on you to experience your throat or anyother part of your body/health in its moments of wellness.... After 4-5 days on Antibiotics you suddenly wake up one morning and the pain is gone.. you appreciate the reliefe of being able to swallow your toast that morning without wincing... You attempt to acknowledge your wellness... however once again as we do with everything after a few days we beging to take our wellness for granted....

For us, anxiety sufferes the ups and downs, tend to be quite close together... sometimes hours or days weeks..

I do not enjoy being anxious, when i am having a "bad time" i fear it as much as any anxiety sufferer, i worry it wont pass this time, i fall and fall ... But all the while a tiny whisper in the back of my mind tries to get through the screming anxiety to remind me to keep my chin up cos the clouds will part soon... and when they do I embrace that little voice for reminding me I can pull through... not only this but I acknowledge whatever lesson i have learned through my latest anxiety experience be it due to it or simply during it and am grateful for it... I am even more grateful for how wonderful life really is when the sun shines in our minds hearts and souls.

I read another post of yours where you mention buhdisim... Just thought to mention, I have dabbled in meditation over the years.. Actually reached a very good lever however through my own lack of discipline I hardly meditate at all anymore...

I do beleive it is a very powerful thing and a wonderful "skill" to learn. I will take it up again in good time.

Thank you for sharing your concepts and ideas.. They are thought provoking : )

Much love

X