View Full Version : Depression
i am very depressed becos i hv been builled all of my life, from im young until now, becos i don't know how to expess myself, i hv a very low self esteem, very shy person, i am always scared. i hv quite bad childhood, even though my parents love me so much, they r always over protecting me very much, becos i am also the only child,they love me very much, too bad, my dad remarried and chase my mum out, i love my mum so much and dad too, so it is very huge impact when my mum is not staying with me, they divorced becos my dad wanted to marrry this woman. it is such an agony to be left all alone at home with my dad and my step mum, this woman builled and hate me so mcuh, everyday she poison my dad to hate me and force me to live with my mum, but cos my dad love me so she did not succeed, so everyday she find my fault, scolded me and builled me badly i m so young then. i am living in torturing life, being builled everyday by her, and the moment her footstep outside i shiver and scared, sometimes she chases me out of my own house, she keep on poisoning my dad, and when i want to study late at night, she shut the lights off scolding me why i want to study to become successful, she shouted and fight with me, im still young then. so life been so sad to me, i cried everyday of my life. luckily my dad understand, and i met my hubby and he takes care of me until today, until today my step mum still hate me and find fault, and i am also taking care of my mum i love mymum dearly but becos my hubby is too fussy, i can't take my mum or dad to stay with me, cosing me so much stress to brng them together, it is sad and stress when my hubby can't get along well with my parents. so i am sad all my life. and worst at work, i am builled by this woman, i have like her, trusted her and treat her as good friend, i help her alot and very sincere to her, but she betray me, and hurt me, and when i feel so hurtful i tried to avoid her, i avoid her becos whenever i look at her, it hurt me so badly thinking that how can she be so cruel to betray me when i treated her as a friend and been so nice and sincere to her from my heart, why she do this to me, so she is angry when i tried to avoid her, and keep on bullying me with her harsh voice, shouting and making a fool of me in front of so many people, everyday at work is a torture and she feel herself so powerful to make a fool of me becos i am too shy and quiet to even answer her, so she put all the bad words on me, and i can't do anything, it hurts badly until i become phobia meeting her, each time i met her my heart jump so fast, and i am so scared to see her, like meeting a ghost, i feel the moment i hear her voice, my heart will beat so fast and i felt so dizzy, and wnted to faint. the impact is so so bad. i guress all of this contribute to my depression, do u think so. it is driving me crazy, and at work i feel like a fool always get builled and talk behind my back also i am not appreciated in my work. i feel if i stop working i will be better,i don't wnat to fight anymore, i am too tired, sick and it is not worth it right, but i got to wait for a while before stop working, now i just have to suffer everyday. hope i be ok. believe me everyday i feel dizzy, lightheaded and lose control of myself, i am wandering why all of these happen? and my hormones are allhaywire, i got hormone imablance and stress and depression and anxiety and fibomyglia.
Dear Alba,
I can really relate to your story. I have also had the family breakups & the hostility & heartbreak that go along with that.
Hearing about your bully problem really speaks to my heart because I've been through the same thing at work and at school. I appreciate that you can speak so honestly about this.
I definitely think that there is a link between the bullying & the depression. The only times in my life, other than when grieving for loved ones, that I've ever felt depression with seemingly no end is when I felt trapped in a situation when I was being bullied. Their cruelty still echoes around in my head & I have to fight the self hatred very hard, because I was treated with so much hate for over half of my life. The bullies tended to hit me when I was low, dealing with grief and abandonment issues & poor health.
I found some help with counseling to let out the emotions. I am trying to learn to be more assertive, which is something bully victims often lack. The type of person who is bulling you right now has narcissism which is a type of personality disorder. If you google it you will find a description of your bully, I think you will find it matches. These people always hate me too. I can't speak to them at all. These people tend to target people who are: kind, compromising, intelligent, creative and likeable to other people (when they have high self esteem). Some flaw in their personality makes them want to destroy these people with qualities so oppisite to their own. Narcicisstic people have all these rigid rules that they cling to, but they think they are above having to stick to the rules of society. They have massive egos. There is heaps more info, that's the stuff I could relate to most out of it.
It sounds like you are smart. I don't think you should give up work. It wouldn't hurt to tak a break from work if you can though. You could analyse if you are in the right type of work for what your goals are. The things that you love to do or are best at. You could be in a job that's below your talent level. I was bullied a lot when I was doing unskilled labour, but now that I am a qualified accountant my skills are appreciated. I'm not telling you what to do, but it turned my life around when I retrained & I would recommend it to anyone who would listen. I am appreciated now because I am making full use of the talents I was given. I am sure you have hidden talents from the things you have said.
I really appreciate reading the things you have said because I have felt like I've been alone in feeling that way for so long & now I feel like someone understands finally. Thankyou :)
Remember, you are the one that matters the most, more than anyone else because it is your life which makes it your choice what to do with it!
thank you for replying, i needed help badly i am so lost and lonely, i dont' know what else to do, i hv seen doctor,noone understand what i am going through, the worst things abt my life is i am not happy at work so much becos i bullied so badly there, for years, i am in so much pain, i am not strong to fight back,i just keep quiet, this bully is very very tough, it think itself so highly and no one can say a word, no matter how u r bullied u just got to take it, so i am taking it, but mentally i am phobia, the moment i met this bully i feel like running away or just want to avoid meeting face to face with this bully i feel so hurt and low self esteem, for what this bully did to me, i can't forget, but this bully don't care, this bullyis so angry with me and now blaming me that why i am avoiding it and even complain to everyone that i am avoiding it and shouted and confront me for that. i 've been a friend to this bully for a long time, i am so sincere to this bully, but this bully betrayed me and hurt me so painfully, that the pain is always playing in my mind and making me feel so small and depressed so i tried my best to avoid this bully. and now it become a big issure, this bully shouted scolded me for that, and tell everyone i am to be blame for avoiding this bully. i am so confuse. this bully never let u off, always picking on me, and finding way to make me trouble and even threatened not let me off easily. how to work in a workplace like that. this bully really got very bad stinky heart, as to say never to let me off easily and will always be on alert to me, and tired to poison ppl abt me. so it is stressful. isn't this bully very cruel.i am at lost, besides that theres another bully too that always pick on me when it is angry, so i got 2 now, i can't take it. it is always not my fault, but i get it becos it's my fault i am not strong to shout at them back or fight back, i just keep quiet, becos i am already badly hurt inside, that i can't even say a word anymore. i just want to run away from there and get on with my life, improve myself to be better person than them. even though they r so knowledgable, they are clever, expert but to me they are like a dust, nothing, they can't even got any human feelings, they r just like animals that keep on attacking me. so every morning i wake up i am so dreadful to go to work, but i still got to work to have enough money, and becos of that, i am so depressed when i reach office, i can't breathe i just hate the place, and situation i am in there, i cna't focus and be happy i can't even smile, in a day i can't even smile a smile, i am so tensed until i got headache. now i got this new headache that when i sit, or place not moving, i feel my head is too tense and stiff, i must run away from there, i must walk as fast as i can, or when i am sitting in a stationery car, i feel so tense, i must force the car to move as fast as the car can move, then i feel a bit better, i don't know what is that, but it is crazy, when i look at my pc or sit in office, suddenly i must get up and move, my head feel like exploding and after walking i feeel so light headed, dizzy. t is crazy feelings.
Becaose i am so depressed i cannot be the good mum, i am too tired for my kids, everyday i just ask my kids to leave me alone, go away, i jsut want to be alone and feel lost. i tell tehm to do their own things and don't disturb me, cos i am so stress up. when i bring them out, i can't enjoy time with them, i feel so sick, light headed, dizzy, chest pain,that i must rush home, they are so angry, when i am sitting having my food with them, suddenly i must stop eating and run away, i can't take it, esp in crowded places, and at home i can't do any thing, i can't do housework i am always tired, sickl and no energy, when i do half way, i feel so dizzy, light headed and body aching so i stop and cna't do anything, the house is in a big mess. everyday my husband is complaining can't find their kinds, kids shouting things not in place, i don't knw how and where to start to be normal back again, will i be able to be well again. i can't take it, all my life i am in so much pain.. i think i am useless item. pls help.
yeah i feel so unappreciated, no motivation at all in my work life becos to them i am not capable, i dream of oing my own biz one day, i love shopping, clothing, beauty, hope i can reach my goal now learning how and where to start
i have been bullied alot, and i felt so depressed and so confused, upset, pain. the worst is the 2 persons that builled me and bring me down making me feel so low, useless, down and no pride. they just shouted, do whatever they like happy in front of everybody, that is the worst part of my pain, and i feel so low, down and helpless,and ashamed being shouted at in front of all, when i did nothing wrong.the pain never seem to go away, no matter how hard i tried to forget it but i can't becos they r ppl in my ofifce so i met them everyday and the pain is always there, each time i met them i feel the hurt and pain, why must they do this to me. i did no wrong. but they just want there ego and feel big and also they want to make life difficult for me. becos of all these incident i become so afraid of people, i am scared when going to crowded places, i feel scared all the time, it's a phobia to me. i don't enjoy shopping, crowded places or life anymore, i feel more at peace when iam alone by myself. i feel i can control myself when i am alone but when i am in crowd or outside i feel so scared that i must tiptoe when i walk, or whne i am walking in a busy street, i feel like giving up, so scared to look at people. and i get very angry, irritated very fast, esp to my kids, i feel so congested in my brain that i just shout at them too and tell them that this world is very cruel, there alot of cruel ppl out there and i told them never to trust ppl, like i do, i trusted ppl too muh but ppl keep on disappointing an dhurt me. i guess my symptoms flare worst when these 2 person attacked me in office and shouted at me, from there, i just feel lost, they won that they hv crushed me down, i don't know how to bounce back to life. pls help me.
Hi alba,
i am so sorry to hear your story and what you are going through.
I know it doesnt sound like much, but try to think and surround yourself with positivity. Are there any helplines you can call in your area?
You are not a bad person. U r a beautiful person who deserves greatness in life and will get better in time. You have to keep going to your GP until they can find some help and support for you. But please try to stay focused on the positive things in life such as your beautiful children who are a blessing in your life. xx
why is it i am always tense, scared, worried. and why is it when iam in crowded places i feel so so scared. very scared that ifel like fainting. what happening to me. how to recover?
i don't know why i have a feeling my anxiety panic attack started from experiencing being bullid by Narcicisstic people at my workplace, so i am always on my toes, and just don't want to met or face to face with this narcicistic people and maybe that cos me to have post traumatic stress (could that make sense)?now i feel i should not get too affected by narcicisstic people becos they are a kind of insane lot, at least i don't destroy or harm ppl, these narcicisstic ppl is always spying and want to hurt u deeply and tear u apart. i tried not to think of this in my work and but i still get the panic attack, anxiety attack, i thought i stop worrying abt this narcisstic ppl for 1 day i be fine, but no i am not, i am still having the panic attack and anxiety. why?i have not been sleeping well lately and wake up early and go to work, i am so down feeling, ok, tdy during at work, i sudnely felt so dzy, light headed, dizzy and really feeling like wantitng to faint, and the whole day ifel so dizzy, light headed and drowsy. i get so sensitive irritated and angry easily, iscolded my family meebers and felt so sensitive nside. i even got a argument and fight with my hubby and get so upset with him, i keep on feeling he don't and will never and can never love me, i feel so sad. after the argument i feel so lost and dizzy again and again, and i feel like running away and want to start new life, of course i can't. now i am so lost i just hope my hubby can love me deeply but i never can get his love and i feel so lost, firstly i am so stress burnout and tired of my work now at home with hubby. i am so deeply stress.what should ido first? to get better?
Help Me, I Am So Dizzy, Light Headed Whole Day In Office Why Me?
Thumbelina
21-05-09, 07:41
Alba,
You are lightheaded because i is one of the symptoms of your condition.
You have all the other symptoms most likely for the same reasons as well.
Your best tool probably will be distruction as you seem to be spinning in created by yourself visious circle of emotions, thoughts and sorrows.
I remember when I started it myself and still at relapses cant help doing it.
Try and purchase a book by Joe Barry - Panic away online
It is a great tool to stop anxiety, panic attacks and Lingering anxiety, which is my main problem as could be yours.
You aso have to attend sessions of the therapist as it will help you allot.
Take care
Marina
so i should stop worrying abt the dizziness, light heaeddedness, whenever i go to work i will feel so dizzy, what to do when i am feeling that dizziness, light headedness, i walk funny too, as i feel so heavy head and light headed so i walk with heavyness and too slow like i am dragging myself, how to stop this over and over feeling =help how to stop:seem to be spinning in created by yourself visious circle of emotions, thoughts and sorrows.
The Only Person That Is Causing Me All This Pain And Dizzy, Light Headedness Is The Bully In My Workplace, Will Resigning And Not Meeting This Narcissism Make Me Better And Can I Get Better After Resigning? Will It Help. Becos I Don't Feel Safe In My Workplace Anymore With That Snake Lurking Around And Targetting On Me. But The Rest Of The Ppl Are So Nice And Fine, Only This Snake That Cos So Much Headache To Me. Help I Want To Get Better.
i am sure i am having major clinical depression, the worst is i have stoped going to shopping and holidays, and i love to atend concert but now ifreak out wen i see crowds and i feel so unbalanced and sick when will this ever end"
i am just wandering what contributed to my depression, i would like to ask for opinions becos i am finding for reason why am i like this, i have bad childhood seeing my parents fight and i am so scared as a child, and it stresss me each time my dad beats my mum, i am so scared everyday i live in fear when they fight, i pited my mum and love both of them dearly, but when they don't fight we are happy families.
and then i am so sad upset lost when my parents divorced at young age, then come my step mum who hates me and want my dad to chase me out of the house, she did everything to hurt me and poison my dad thinking to chase me out of the house, luckily my dad love me so i am safe but still that mental torture of her scolding, shouting accusing me and bringing hell to me druing that 4yrs old staying together, no peace, everyday she find fault on me and shouted and fight with me.
then i have happy marriage with my hubby , he's very good man except i guess during his depression time he keep on shouting, scolding and cursing and verbally abusing me it went on and on, but lately it stopped now he's better.
then i got builled in office and bringing me such mental toruture
i am wandering could all of these contributed to my depression. plshelp me what should i first do to get better? now i feel so tired, sleepy, all day and when i go out and see ppl i feel so scared, and panic attack come. i am better to be alone sleeping at home, i hate this, i used to go shopping and out now i am confined at home, how to be better.
the worst of all I HAVE A VERY VERY NO SELF ESTEEM, I AM TOO SHY, QUIET AND I ALWAYS KEEP THINGS TO MYSLEF, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS MYSELF, the only person ican express is to my husband, before whenever we fight, i always take 1 or 2 hr to express myself to him, but sometimes afer expressing he get more angry and scold and verbally cursing me cosing me to lose hope but nowadays i dont know why i have stop expressing myself to him, i just give all up,i just keep aquiet and feel hurt, and i don't know what to think of say.
but i am a veryquiet, shy person to everybody and no one likes to talk or be my friend, i am so sad, i see alot of ppl so open up and happy but me, i am always left in a corner to be alone. i am not a bad person, bu t i don'tknow how to hypocrite or ;talk loud i am just quiet eventhough i enjoyed alot of things. and once i hv some misunderstanding with a office person, acutally it is not my fault at all, this friend betrayed me, but i just keep quiet and this person suddenly stop talking to me and hates me and ignore me and during a gathering this person totally ignore me and keep her group of friends and everybody ignore me, ifeel so hurt and i guess that also contributed to my depression, suddenly i regret helping her and hates everybody, do u think that also contributed to my depression?since then i keep to myself becos ifelt so betrayed and down. everybody seems to hurt me and punish me for things that i never did, when i hv tired to help them dearly and when thngs ddn't happen they just throw me.
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