feeling a little overwhelmed

[invisibletome]

I have never had a good life, ive been neglected and mistreated by pretty much everyone that has entered my life. I only began to come to terms with this recently and i thought i was doing well when out of the blue flashes of things i have no recollection of appeared.

The flashbacks are verrry violent, i fall with them i end up covered in bruises, i contort into myself and try and scratch my way out, all this brings on a panick attack. a good day is maybe 2 or 3 small ones, a bad day is almost constant attacks of small ones with huge ones intertwined between them, the huge ones are so exhausting and often leave me with clamped hands or unable to move for quite some time after, i find it hard to hear or comprehend the present and im completely unable to speak or open my eyes when im in the midst of a flashback.

The dr is talking to my psych about meds and psychotherapy. Im exhausted i dont feel i have the energy to do the psychotherapy and having had a lifetime of mh problems i am well aware of the affect meds have on me.I lose my me,i dont want to lose me again-thats just as bad as being trampled again.

i just feel a bit lost, i have no idea where to start :wacko:

[diane07]

Aww hun,

A huge warm welcome to nmp

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Check out the list on the left here, it contains a heap load of information.

We'll help you out all we can

best wishes

di xx

[melody]

Hi,

I have found medication has helped me to be strong enough to rebuild my life when it felt like I never would have been able to. Everyone's experience is different with this situation though.

I can't comment much on psychotherapy. I only know I've been told it is where people relive their traumatic situations and in theory it makes the memories lose their intensity.

I have only been to psychiatrists and counselors. I didn't want to do those things at the time, but I realised I was never going to get better until I took my own responsibility for my mental health problems. Facing up to my problems did stop me feeling so much like my life was out of control, but it has been a very difficult process.

I would say sometimes it's worth it if you have to feel worse before you get better. It's far better than deciding your life should keep continuing the way it is forever. I think honesty to yourself can set you free if you choose that you're strong enough to take the hard road.

I don't think that was really advice, but that is what I've learned in the last few years. Do what feels right for you. You know what's best for yourself.

Wishing you all the best.

Melody

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: i agree with melody - you deserve to be happy after years of unhappiness - do whatever it takes to get you there, if you can cope with all you have, you can continue with this process and come out the other side - plus now you have the support of all at nmp!:hugs:

[invisibletome]

thankyou all :) i think you are right its just so hard..i am always told by everyone i am a strong person.. i have come through many difficulties.. i think the reason i feel so tired right now emotionally is because these flashbacks are physically exhausting because there so powerful and also because i have just come to terms with so many things recently.. and every time i do another thing comes along..

(dont read on if it mite be triggering altho i dont mention any specific details)

first of all it was with my childhood, accepting i had been neglected pyschologically and physically abused..

then it was accepting the mistreatment by general boyfriends/caregivers/friends throughout my life

then the acceptance of the events which happened to me as a teenager/loss/illness/being disowned and disregarded, sexual assualt/stalking/harrassment..

then the acceptance of disability, being unable to care for myself.. i have thought death on too many occasions.

then it was coming to terms with forced hospitalisation and the subsequent abuse and mistreatment that occurred there, the psychosis weight loss, then gain

then discovering my ex boyfriend had nearly let me die, and neglected me, locked me away

then suddenly theres more

it feels like everytime i deal with something something more comes along.. i know my life isnt the worst.. its just all come in such a short space of time

it feels too much.. i will try but my mouth buttons in therapy.. i try so hard to unbutton it but the words get stuck..

maybe medication will give me the rest i need to deal with things.. i guess i just want it all now.. ive lost a good 3 years of my life completely due to physical illness and then psychiactric illness.. i am the kind of person that wants everything now, and its not going to happen..

my ot said they will be patient with me, she said they are in it for the long run.. im kinda glad cus so many therapists in the past have abandoned me as an unhelpable case.. i just wish.. i wish i could do this on my own.. i know i cant tho.. im so scared of losing the life ive built back since leaving hospital..

[PUGLETMUM]

:) well you do ahve good reason to feel so bad and you dont have to compare your suffering to anyone elses - youve been abused and traumatised adn youve suffered and struggled, what more do you have to suffer before you say its okay to feel this bad?

you will recover but it will take time -and you can make friends and get support on nmp, as well as what you will get from mental health - but ultimatley as hard a sit is you have to be well for yourself, you have to care enough about your self to invest in your life and your happiness - this is tough coz if you feel bad you tend to let other ppl treat you bad without even realising it? i wish you all the best - keep posting:)

[invisibletome]

thankyou :)

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: pleasure - i hope you are feeling okay?:)