so sad i have let this happen to myself.

[claire m]

since moving away from newcastle to cumbria 14 years ago i have struggled to make any real friends at the time of leaving newcastle i left the day after being released from hospital for severe agorophobia and anxiety it was all so quick but i made a good recovery to a point.
I left my best friend behind and over the years we grew apart mostly due to the way i am and just our lives took different directions.
in the mean time i have made a few friends but no one has ever become a close friend due to the fact i find it very difficult to socialise and do at times still struggle getting out because of it:weep:,its my own fault i feel so alienated for the past ten years i have let this happen and now in my 30s its never going to get any easier:weep:.
My friend in newcastle and i have recently made contact again and she has just had a baby i feel so sad now its brought it all home for me how alone i feel and how i have missed not having a friend like her around:weep:.
I hate how i have let this happen i feel so alone more than ever.

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: im sorry you are feeling so low - you are not to blame though for how things worked out - your friend doesnt suffer how you do and so will find life and other ppl much easier to deal with - it is torment having to deal with th eextra stress of having anxiety and to also deal with 'normal' day to day living - so do not beat yourself up for this.

i too am feeling similar to you, i dont see this as a bad thing - i see it as being ready to deal with the minefield of relationships again - or more to th epoint for me not dealing with them - just lettign them happen and not getting worked up.

i too got back together with an old friend last year - we lived together for 2 years in the early 90s - but due to my issues i wasnt really an easy person to be around and our friendship ended badly - then we made up but we only saw each other around town - i went to one of her houses once and she came here once in 10 years.

but last yr we met in tkmaxx and i told her i was pregnant - about 8 weeks later she turned up at my house to ask if i was pregnant or if shed dreamt it? - no she hadnt dreamt it but id had a miscarriage and id had it removed the day before on 8/8/08 the same day she found out she was expecting her first child - she had him 2 weeks ago today (lucky day for her that day but not for me:weep: )but i have been genuinely very happy for her through her pregancy.

this made me almost as sad as losing the pregnancy, becasue i felt it woudl have been an opportunity for us to become frinds again properly - however we have maintained contact throughout her pregancy - the frindship is casual and not really ever going to be what it was years ago, but im glad i met her again and that i have a second chance at having her as a friend - even if i only see her occasioanlly - she wasnt/isnt perfect - i was a horror back then and now im nicer and less demanding a s friend - and i can see now that us having babies together wouldnt have happened anyway - we are too differnet and our situatioans are completely different too - i had a fantasy of how it could have been if id been pregnant too, but in reality it wouldnt have happend like that.

im now just happy for what i have - and i feel that although you are sad which is natural and okay - it isnt your fault an dyou can still make friends, but obviously we are a bit different to other ppl so maybe focus on meeting ppl who are similar or only getting closer to ppl you feel will understand - dont give up on it, if you have coped with your life for along time with loneliness you will be a strong person and lots of ppl will be glad to be a friend with you - but obviously meetign them is the starting point?:hugs:

[belle]

I've found that over the years (despite still living in the same town as i always have) my "friends" still ALL live within 2 miles of me have basically disowned me because of my agoraphobia.

Like you, i'm in my 30's and i don't have a single friend. Not one....

You haven't let this happen to yourself, you cannot put all the blame on you. That's sad to read. People change, people grow apart and stick a mental health issue in the middle - it makes it even harder.

x

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Claire I'm sorry this has happened to you. I have very few friends because I tend to distrust other people and isolate myself. My best friend was my bridesmaid twenty years ago. We had met in a mental health setting and had been through the mill with each other. She was a very talented musician a classical guitarist and she re trained to become a successful chiropodist. Things went sour very quickly. She always perceived me as being 'successful' and having it all. I married she didn't, I managed to get pregnant after fertility treatment and after my son was born she wrote to me to say that she couldn't be friends anymore as I had a new baby. My lovely friend was jealous of me. I was upset as she spilt up from her long time boyfriend and also developed ms and her father died. I tried repeatedly to contact her but failed sent birthday and christmas cards nothing. I have coped in the past by not having many friends by having relationships with older men sexual and non sexual. I couldn't help myself. At least I am aware of what I am doing now but some of those 'relationships' have stuck. It isn't something I recommend. I have needed a special relationship with these men. Some of it has been self destructive. Claire you are still young I know it is heartbreaking to lose the friendship of this valued person. You will make new friends in the right setting when you feel confident to do that. Jane.

[claire m]

thanks for the lovely replies. I guess i feel sad for what i have missed for the so many years, i want to change i dont want this anymore. I dont get asked to do anything anymore because i have been asked many times before and always drop out. I know i am the only person that can change things somedays i am really ready for it others i just want to go back into my shell.
At the moment i am just feeling abit down so its easy for old feelings to resurface.
thanks again.xxxx

[alihud]

I know just how you feel,i have no real friends left either and i feel a right outcast.Everyone in my town has turned their back on me,i absoloutely hate the people where i live and would love to move.I do take comfort that i have afew friends on here but they live so far away.Ive come to the conclusion that people just let you down so i keep myself to myself.Sorry i cant be more positive but hopefully u can make plenty of friends on here.:)
Ali

[Bluebelle]

Hi !
I have agorophobia as well as a list of other things and I am 38- all my former friends have married and are raising families. All I have a tiny dog and a cat (who I love more than anything). I can completely relate to what you're saying. I have been wondering how I could have let this happen to me as well. I used to get invited out for every night of the week but I could never go due to my illnesses. My sister was my only friend and now due to a whole series of events I have lost her friendship.

Since Christmas I have been trying to "reclaim" my life. I have been FORCING myself to do things. I started driving again after 10 years. I have been into several grocery stores by myself. This past week I walked into a Yoga class all by myself not knowing one single person or anything about Yoga!

All this from a person who couldn't leave her house at Christmas. I am not going pretend it was easy- it was gut-wrenching. I was / am suffering from heartbreaking loneliness and I figure I am already crying and miserable so what have I got to lose?

I really have to FORCE myself to get out - at the Yoga class I could not go in- I couldn't even get out of the truck !!

I sat in my vehicle trying to stave off a panic attack which I was certain was a heart attack. I literally staggered out into the parking lot and into the gym thinking at worst someone will know CPR and be able to save me !

Strangely enough it was okay once I got in there- weird

So I guess Force is working for me. I still can't do alot of things like answer the phone or let anyone see into my house but everyday is a new start.
I know you will find something that works for you- you're already tapped into a wealth of knowledge on this website
You have a friend here in Canada!

[claire m]

thanks bluebelle, i have to force myself out everyday as i have two children and my husband works away from home most of the week,
i do manage it quite well but i always feel like i am fighting the feelings and it leaves me pretty exhausted and depressed.
I just feel so uncomfortable when i am out like my clothes dont look right or my hair is not styled right little superficial things i know but they all mount up to the point where i get into a right state and start to feel all hot and sickly so my natural instincts tell me just to get home fast and thats where the inner fight starts.
I know exactly what the feeing is and i know why i am getting the physical symptoms but i cant stop them happening. but im not giving in just yet,:)

[PUGLETMUM]

:) you can stop them claire m - by not beleiveing the thoughts you are havign about whether yo are good enough or whether you look good enough - thye are thoguths they arent the truth - you prob look lovely and perfectly fine by other ppls standards - it sounds to me that you and the previous poster are sick of the isolation that agoraphobia and anxiety have resulted in, but due to a massive loss of confidence you aare struggling to beleive you can happily do things again and fit into the world - YOU CAN!!!!!!! just keep pushing forward and dont be negative about yourslef and dont listen to the negtive thoughts:yesyes: :hugs:

[mingsy]

:hugs: Hi Claire

I'm from Cumbria, are you anywhere near me, I'm in Kendal. I am hopefully on my way to recovery, if you need a friend I'm here, please feel free to pm me.
:hugs:

[loopy loo]

Hey Ali,

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely too. Come live over here hun, and we will set up buisness! None of us deserve to feel lonely. Thank goodness for this site! Claire, you will make new friends. Just keep an open mind. Things will get better you know. It won't always feel like this.:)

Loopy Loo. xx

[unknown]

Hi Claire, i totally identify with your post. Hope you start to feel a bit better soon xxx