Being anxious of the unreal and 'undead', or something like that

[mirroredeliza]

This could sound really crazy, I don't know. I'm not even sure if it should go in here or in the phobia section - please let me know if I got it wrong?

I'm usually awake until about 1 or 2 in the morning, and my partner is usually sleeping before I am. Once it's dark (dark outside, not in) I just kind of...panic. I can't relax - I think this could be why I find it so hard to sleep - because I'm always afraid of what is with me. Irrational. I believe in the supernatural and stuff but I just get so afraid...like something's waiting to get me. A ghost or a demon or something - I don't really know what 'it' is. And I know it isn't real and the fear is all in my head but I can't stop it. I hate sitting with my back to the room and I have to constantly check that the room is empty. I'm so jumpy, all my senses are on fire and I get so tired but I just can't sleep. The only thing that helps me sleep is listening to my mp3 but I find it hard to do that because then I can't hear anything else and what if something happened and I didn't hear it?

Most of the time I'm not actually worried about me, I'm frightened that something will happen to my partner. I have to keep checking that the gas and all the plugs are off, so she doesn't get hurt. But what if 'something' turns them back on? I have to keep checking that she's breathing, because if 'something' hurt her and I hadn't checked she was ok it would be my fault. What if I lock the door, and 'something' unlocks it again and someone (I live in uni halls and there are some quite violent people here) comes in and hurts us? It would be all my fault.

I'm really not making myself very clear - I don't know how to say this. I just don't know what the hell I'm so freaked out about. I can't stand being on my own at night because somethign is going to hurt me or my partner. I hate looking at or going near the windows when it's dark because something might get me. I just want to sit and cry in the corner, rocking, under a blanket so it will go away.

I'm sorry. Do I sound stupid?

:weep:

thank you for reading :blush:

beth xx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) no you dont sound stupid - you believe in things supernatural, so you may feel that supernatural things can be bad - like in films about poltergiests etc - this is understandable if you believe in that stuff.

i personally wouldbe scared of other ppl and the harm they can do, so it is sensible to make sure you and your partner are safe.

but when you are overly anxious and maybe suffering from an anxiety disorder then you will be doubly scared and worried - it does sound as though your fears are slightly more than the usual concern that all ppl feel.

it is not your fault or responsibility, but certain anxiety disorders like ocd can make you feel responsible and also overly scared and irrational - have you spoke to your gp about this?

[mirroredeliza]

thank-you for your reply :)

My GP has put me on medication for the anxiety but I can't tell whether or not it's still working. I am just so sick of it - I'm terrified of people when I'm out but at home I'm terrified of something that doesn't exist. Does anybody else get like this?

[PUGLETMUM]

:) well no i dont but i can remember feeling very scared when i was little even though i knew nobody was there - anxiety makes us think irrational things and feel very very frightened - which in turn makes us feel depressed and alone and seperate - hang in there you will recover - but if you dont feel much better go back to the doctor

[mirroredeliza]

:o thank-you

[PUGLETMUM]

:) i jus tre-read your last post and i remembered that yes i was terrifeid of ppl when i was highly anxious - its part of it!!!! sorry i didnt mention this - its jsut that im feeling alot better now, and thankfully some of it you do forget - i have been really badly frightened when i was younger - horror films would torment me for months - i beleived that woudl happen to me, and i couldnt get them out of my mind - so yes i was always sensitive and anxious - but i dont have the supernatural fear becasue i dont beleive it - but i do feel scared about lots of things still, but im 36 and i have found ways of dealing with it and also, the longer you suffer the more you accept you suffer and ironically that brings the fear down:yesyes:

[melody]

Hi,

I have had my Nana & my old pet dog visit me in dreams. They briefly came to tell me that everything was going to be OK, I was loved. My Nana told me things she never would have in life, because in life she couldn't see it, but now she could & she showed me a little of it.

I think the logical question to ask is, why would a spirit bother to come to you to harm you? If you have never hurt them, why would they want to hurt you? It just has never made sense to me when people say that type of thing. If there really is a spirit trapped near you, it's probably for another reason.

If there is anything like that, perhaps it senses your anxiety & feels ill at ease. No matter what the reality, the only answer is to make peace with it.

Of course that's just my philosophy ideas :)

Melody

[*Starry Night*]

I agree with what other people have said, i mean there is no reason why a spirit or whatever would want to hurt you but i understand how and why you feel this way. I get scared too, i dont think to the same degree but honey nothing is going to hurt you or me while we sleep. and even if something did hurt us there is no way at all that it would be your fault.
I'm sure that things will get better, I used to be so terrified of the dark and you know that I'm terrified that you will get hurt but we just need to try to understand that it isn't logical and maybe that will help to calm things down a bit. Also, we're under so much stress what will work and stuff so I really think that is affecting it.
You know that I am here for you and just wake me up if you want me.
Maybe you should go back to the docs?
I know things are hard atm but htings will get better honey.
Love you

*SN*