i need advice, help or need someone to talk to...

[leeannetricia]

hi, i just need advice... im sorry this is a long post ......

ive had lots of bother at work regarding line mangaer, ive been off sick form work for about 7 weeks as i feel im being bullied,
im due to return to work next week but cant bear to return..
ive had a series of panic attacks (http://www.uncommonforum.com/glossary/panic-attacks.html) and low moods when i acnt stop crying and the doc gave me 20mg of citalopram for 4weeks... i didnt have many side effects... i still cry as much, i get extremeley sweaty especially when i think about work or when i recieve any letters regarding work. ive had a few bad headahes but thats about it. oh and im getting more forgetfull

i dont feel much better overall i still feel like im gona vomit or cry when i think about work. ive got a docs appiontment and then im due to return to work next week but i dont feel im ready. i work with kids and i feel that i need to be
emotionally stable and be truly focused on my work but i dont that is going to happen and i dont think my doc will ive me anymore time off can anyone help me or give me advice.... i want the doc to understand that i know im not ready.... and that citalopram has done nothing for me
exept make me cry a little bit less....

help please thanks leeanne

[Jaco45er]

I wrote this once already, damn logouts.

Hi Leeanne

No one likes a bully for sure, least of all me.

In terms of your anxiety, it has a focus (so many people get anxiety without an obvious cause).

I think you need to look at your options, as the longer you are off work the harder it will be to get back.

I would consider going above this managers's head. There is employee rights and protection for these circumstances. I would write it all down what you want to say, or even call and speak to the next tier up and enquire what procedure they will take.

In actual fact you could put in a formal complaint but be mindful that if you love the job, you could potentially be working with this manager who would know you complained. This could cause tension, and no one needs more tension.

I think you need to decide if you want to work there or not. If not? then you could still voice your grievances if only to expose a rouge employee.

Ultimately you need to choose what's best for you, and what will cause you the less stress.

Is there a union? this could be another avenue.

It maybe worth documenting exactly what happened to lead you to become nervously ill (a temporary condition :)), as you would be asked for this if you put in a complaint.

Also, has anyone else been bullied by this manager? strength in numbers.

Another option could be to seek another postition within the orginisation away from this manager?

Either way, I hope you get it sorted soon.

TC

Jaco

[t50kym]

Hello hun may do need to doc again and possible up the dose, am on same med and its just taken approx 6 weeks to take effect. Ref work i would not worry held your head up high and try and be strong, if you feel like you can go further go to citzen advice or if you work as got a union or high than your line manager. take care let me know how you get on xx

[bluegirl09]

hiya there i have read your post and feel for you i too have been in a situation where i wasnt being bullied but was under a great deal of stress and i was off work very tearful and shaky i was off for about two months and due to go back and i just couldnt i couldnt put myself through any more i had too go on citralopram 20mg which didnt really kick in for about 6 weeks soo id stick with it a bit longer....i would definatly talk too your gp and tell him exactly how you feel,plus i would speak too friends/family see what they advise you for myself the thought of returning too work made me almost physically sick soo i left i handed in my notice and felt like a tonne weight had been lifted im unemployed now but im fairly happy and am looking for work:) good luck and remember its only a damm job!!!

[duskess]

Hello Leeanne, Sorry to hear your feeling so low at the moment , maybe you could ring your GP Practise and ask for an extra 5 mins with your doctor and explain again how your feeling , i agree with Jacos reply to you the longer your away etc , but if your gp does give you a note , try to go into your work with your note and ask for a chat with someone above the line manager it may help , and your meds can take up to 6 weeks to take effect , i really do hope your work will understand and then you will feel abit more at ease and continue to get better , you take care , Dusky x

[leeannetricia]

hi guys thyanks for all your comments.. i meant to say ive got a meeting regarding my complain on tue and its eems to be stressing me out more and making me feel more anxiuos and iaigin crying doesnt stop ;(
which is why i came here needed some support...
ive got a union rep who is pants to be honest ......

my job role is confusing as its due to change companies in a week, so i either get the complaint in before we change or il deal with it with ne employers and let them know the history... its a crazy situation i totally love my job but one person makes it difficult.. ive asked other collegues for support and as ive not been at wprk for a while i eel kindof fporgotten about no calls or text messages fro ppl i thot wer freinds but it could be they dont want to text coz il think about work or somtheing like that... i duno tho... but thanks agian for ur support leeanne xx

[melody]

Dear Leeanne,

I have been in that type of situation before. It feels harder than it is to go back to work. I don't know if there are other options like to be moved within the company without having to move or be demoted.

I didn't exactly solve the problem. I learned how to cope as such. I went in each day & did my job to the best of my ability. Of course I kept getting yelled at every day because she hated me. She could smell the weakness in me & despised it every day, while other, more incompetent people got all the praise. Bullies tend to be threatened by people who are more talented than they are. I held my head high each day no matter how I felt. If they accused me of doing or not something that wasn't true, I would state simply that it wasn't correct. Of course they hate that though.

What the bully wants is for you to grovel to them, tell them they are right about everything & give into every single one of their crazy demands. They want you to agree to put yourself down in front of others & to feed their fragile ego every day. They get very happy if you give them an excuse for a fight, because they thrive on it & know how to be dominant at all times. I wouldn't recommend that if you want to keep your pride. It grows until they've taken everything from you, piled all their work onto you & then they ruin your reputation anyway telling everyone you're not good enough to keep up.

Maybe I have put too much of my helplessness in this post. That's how I feel about the situation. You can have small victories. Times when they try to prove you are wrong, but you stick to your guns. They may be louder, but they will know you are right. Small victories can help you to keep going on.

I have to question if you could get another job. A better job where you will be more appreciated. you deserve better than to be treated like that. A bully never changes, but they do tend to jump from job to job more than other people. Often I have had bullies leave. Another bully can take their place though. Some organisations encourage these types of managers because they are good at intimidating lazy people into working harder, but they are just mean.

Sorry if that's confusing. It's a confusing issue. The best way to beat a bully I think is to have complete faith in yourself & your abilities, despite their attempts to destroy you. To learn to speak minimally to them as you put up an invisible wall between the two of you. To realise that while they can can be very convincing, they are actually full of hot air. To never give up!!! It will make them angrier, because they are competing with you for some reason, but you will win.

Don't give up on yourself. Choose if you want to stay & fight, or to look to see if there is a better place that you could go to work. No matter what remember to believe in yourself & everything will work out!