widge
25-04-09, 12:14
I cannot begin to tell you how comforting it is to find that not only am I not alone with coping with the often debilitating and destructive effects of anxiety and depression, but that there exists such a mutually supportive forum to help!
Although I am trying to climb out of a very dark pit of depression at the moment please allow me to just briefly introduce myself here before I find the courage to talk for the first time about my own 'dark place'.
I have lived with what my GP now, somewhat enlightendly I think, calls Generalised Anxiety Disorder for what seems most of my life.
Although I know that I had what a lot of people would call a 'complicated' childhood I first realised that something wasn't right when I was in my late 20s and started to feel 'ill' in a way that didn't seem to make any sense.......but did nothing about it.
Eventually I collapsed with what I now know to have been a massive panic attack......but I had never heard of this!
My partner at the time thought I was having a heart attack (!) and an ambulance and duty doctor came out at 2am complete with oxygen and all the stuff!
After reviving me and checking out all that could be checked, the doctor reached into her bag for 2 little yellow pills and said '..I think I know what this is and you must see me first thing in the morning.....and don't worry - you are not dying!'
Of course - the 'magic' pills were Diazepam......she sat and confirmed that all my very real symptoms and illness were classically associated with a condition known as GAD which some GPs were only just beggining to 'understand' and that I had experienced a Panic Attack.
Putting a name to all the unexplained illnesses that seemed to have been plaguing me and to know that it was this that caused me to eventually collapse was somehow comforting.
What wasn't quite so comforting though was the knowledge that I would have to cope and manage these symptoms and feelings for the forseeable.
I have ever since (some 20 years) been prescribed and carry a supply of Diazepam (with strict instruction for occaisional use only) and nothing I have tried has had such a predictable ability to forstall or bring me out of a full blown attack.
I tried various anti depressents until we found one where the side effects weren't worse than the symptoms! (Mirtazipine)
Yoga
Counselling
CBT
Diet and Exercise
......all helped me along......UNLESS
...things get so out of control that I can no longer help myself..talk sense..work....eat live or sleep and my mind just continually obsesses with black thoughts and HUGE amounts of obsessive worry that just make my waking life unbearable. I simply lose the will to live in a frighteningly real way.
A serious depressive episode....which is where I am at the moment.
But I didn't want to burden you all with the history here!! :doh:
I was going to do it over on the actual site!!
Sorry.
This was meant to be a quick hello :blush:!
Hope I haven't put you all off already?
Of course - I am looking forward to offering any support or help I can...just as soon as I can get my marbles reasonably secure in their bag again!
ATB
widge
Although I am trying to climb out of a very dark pit of depression at the moment please allow me to just briefly introduce myself here before I find the courage to talk for the first time about my own 'dark place'.
I have lived with what my GP now, somewhat enlightendly I think, calls Generalised Anxiety Disorder for what seems most of my life.
Although I know that I had what a lot of people would call a 'complicated' childhood I first realised that something wasn't right when I was in my late 20s and started to feel 'ill' in a way that didn't seem to make any sense.......but did nothing about it.
Eventually I collapsed with what I now know to have been a massive panic attack......but I had never heard of this!
My partner at the time thought I was having a heart attack (!) and an ambulance and duty doctor came out at 2am complete with oxygen and all the stuff!
After reviving me and checking out all that could be checked, the doctor reached into her bag for 2 little yellow pills and said '..I think I know what this is and you must see me first thing in the morning.....and don't worry - you are not dying!'
Of course - the 'magic' pills were Diazepam......she sat and confirmed that all my very real symptoms and illness were classically associated with a condition known as GAD which some GPs were only just beggining to 'understand' and that I had experienced a Panic Attack.
Putting a name to all the unexplained illnesses that seemed to have been plaguing me and to know that it was this that caused me to eventually collapse was somehow comforting.
What wasn't quite so comforting though was the knowledge that I would have to cope and manage these symptoms and feelings for the forseeable.
I have ever since (some 20 years) been prescribed and carry a supply of Diazepam (with strict instruction for occaisional use only) and nothing I have tried has had such a predictable ability to forstall or bring me out of a full blown attack.
I tried various anti depressents until we found one where the side effects weren't worse than the symptoms! (Mirtazipine)
Yoga
Counselling
CBT
Diet and Exercise
......all helped me along......UNLESS
...things get so out of control that I can no longer help myself..talk sense..work....eat live or sleep and my mind just continually obsesses with black thoughts and HUGE amounts of obsessive worry that just make my waking life unbearable. I simply lose the will to live in a frighteningly real way.
A serious depressive episode....which is where I am at the moment.
But I didn't want to burden you all with the history here!! :doh:
I was going to do it over on the actual site!!
Sorry.
This was meant to be a quick hello :blush:!
Hope I haven't put you all off already?
Of course - I am looking forward to offering any support or help I can...just as soon as I can get my marbles reasonably secure in their bag again!
ATB
widge