widge
25-04-09, 12:51
Dear friends,
I am new here so please forgive me!
If I am posting about the wrong thing in the wrong place perhaps some kind mod will move it for me?
I have (rather long-windedly I'm afraid :blush:) just introduced myself on the 'newbie' forum so won't burden you all with it again!
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=490996#post490996
.........suffice to say.....during a lifetime of trying to deal with anxiety and the debilitating symptoms that accompany it I periodically slide into a deep pit of despair where I seem unable to 'help myself' and where life simply becomes intolerable and I feel utterly worthless - a 'Depressive Episode'
This is where I have been for some months now.
My entire waking thoughts seem centred around what a loathsome burden I am to those I love...my partner ,friends, colleagues..........and,sure enough, I find myself saying and doing things that just make it worse to people who I care about and who appear to care about me.
As a result I just hate myself even more!
I am sure you know that feeling...'My God...did I really say THAT?...did I really SEND that email.......did I really mean to become so angry and nonsensical as to upset and frighten my partner......?.....and so it goes on.The really scary ones come after '.......did I really HAVE to drink 2 bottles of wine in order to fool myself into feeling better! To which the answer is plainly and profoundly - NO!
I panic now when in my slightly more lucid moments I am just going to alienate everybody around me and merely reinforce my own utter worthlessness - and become iller and iller until - well, sometimes it's hard to see if there IS even a light at the end of the tunnel?
Although I sort of know what is happening to me....as do those to whom I am closest...and my GP is (vagually) supportive of my periods where GA becomes D I feel very alone and ashamed that I am likely to start talking rubbish or upsettingly to people.
How do you cope?
I have a feeling that really I need someone to whom I CAN talk to about my darkest thoughts and fears without feeling so guilty and who is not so personally involved but the local NHS counselling/CBT service is booked up for the forseeable and I have no idea where else to look for help.
Any thoughts or ideas would be SO SO welcome.......
especially any insight to that awful feeling that you are upsetting, angering or alienating those around you.
Best L
widge
I am new here so please forgive me!
If I am posting about the wrong thing in the wrong place perhaps some kind mod will move it for me?
I have (rather long-windedly I'm afraid :blush:) just introduced myself on the 'newbie' forum so won't burden you all with it again!
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=490996#post490996
.........suffice to say.....during a lifetime of trying to deal with anxiety and the debilitating symptoms that accompany it I periodically slide into a deep pit of despair where I seem unable to 'help myself' and where life simply becomes intolerable and I feel utterly worthless - a 'Depressive Episode'
This is where I have been for some months now.
My entire waking thoughts seem centred around what a loathsome burden I am to those I love...my partner ,friends, colleagues..........and,sure enough, I find myself saying and doing things that just make it worse to people who I care about and who appear to care about me.
As a result I just hate myself even more!
I am sure you know that feeling...'My God...did I really say THAT?...did I really SEND that email.......did I really mean to become so angry and nonsensical as to upset and frighten my partner......?.....and so it goes on.The really scary ones come after '.......did I really HAVE to drink 2 bottles of wine in order to fool myself into feeling better! To which the answer is plainly and profoundly - NO!
I panic now when in my slightly more lucid moments I am just going to alienate everybody around me and merely reinforce my own utter worthlessness - and become iller and iller until - well, sometimes it's hard to see if there IS even a light at the end of the tunnel?
Although I sort of know what is happening to me....as do those to whom I am closest...and my GP is (vagually) supportive of my periods where GA becomes D I feel very alone and ashamed that I am likely to start talking rubbish or upsettingly to people.
How do you cope?
I have a feeling that really I need someone to whom I CAN talk to about my darkest thoughts and fears without feeling so guilty and who is not so personally involved but the local NHS counselling/CBT service is booked up for the forseeable and I have no idea where else to look for help.
Any thoughts or ideas would be SO SO welcome.......
especially any insight to that awful feeling that you are upsetting, angering or alienating those around you.
Best L
widge