View Full Version : Scared of losing control/turning more mad
I have a fear of turning crazy just makes me feel so anxious. Right now every further thing I do I am taking a leap to being more crazy and I'm worried my actions are becoming more and more mad.
If it's not extreme stress and me getting angry by it worrying me going mad it's me having a laugh with friends and feeling it's out of my nature or something as I can be shy at times.
I life my life in fear of my actions and have felt this kind of anxiety for a good few months. I feel I don't trust my actions especially when learning to drive, work, meeting people I just get negative thoughts.
When I get really anxious I might make a big mistake and fear I meant to do it in purpose and go numb and just feel I'm taking a step to going more crazy. Even writing this message my mind is saying I'm crazy and everybody else will see it. I have a fear of doing anything out of character, scared to try anything new and fear of mood changes since I worry I have manic depression.
It's like a blanket over me. This fear of not being in control/going mad I know it's probably anxiety but my mind just sees this anxiety expanding and becoming ever more complex. Stress made me fear going mad and as do my actions. Luckily I have been fighting with my worries I applied to a supervisor job but fear doing it in case I become to bossy and confident and go funny or get manic depression again. I wasn't going to apply but last minute I put it in the post.
I do feel annoyed in general as I want a good job and a girlfriend but the frustration just makes me want to give people a piece of my mind. I am fed up of people letting me down and getting no where. I end up just feeling the need to go out and get drunk to relieve the stress and it makes me feel worse after a night out, every night out and never pulling any woman. I was told I was unattractive by a friend of a friend which wasn't very nice especially as I am clean and tidy and make a good effort and wear good clothes and style my hair. I feel a pressure cooker to rock my life in the right direction.
Anybody else experienced this? Am I taking that leap to going more crazy? It all feels like a comfort blanket with pressure, want changes but fear any change.
starlight78
28-04-09, 20:03
Hi Phil, So sorry to hear that you are struggling so much.. It is anxiety making you fear that your losing control.. Fearing losing control and fearing going mad are such common symptoms! As the adrenalin surges through you it feels overwhelming and makes you feel as if your about to burst.. but it wont. I know its a cliche but its really only anxious people that worry about going mad.. Psychotic people dont have insight into the fact that they are losing touch with reality.
I work with people with severe mental health problems and I suppose this might be why I dont worry so much about the going "crazy" thing, but i do worry about losing control.. When i get those surges though i focus on my breathing and if i really cant do that then i'll quickly do some excersise to burn off the adrenaline..
Please recognise these feelings as symptoms (not part of you) that will pass when the anxiety does. Let the symptoms come and go and try as much as possible not to pay attention to them. This is tough at first, but gets easier.. You will get through this it just takes time xx
Hi like starlight said I have worked in the past with people with mental health issues and you definately need to be a whole lot madder to get admitted to a psychiatric hsopital. There is a shortage of beds so generally they treat a lot of people at home. (but I can understand your fear id be scared too if i hadnt seen for myself how ill you need to be to get admittted)
Maybe having some kind of physical release might help if you feel a lot of pressure building up in you, maybe running?
Take care
Emma
x
Hi Phil.....don't worry! You are not alone, we all have gone through this and continue to go through it. It will and does pass....you are not alone...or going mad!! It's just your nerves, not you!!
I'm really struggling. I do feel I am going crazy and it's a test of character.
Yet another event is my best friend has fallen out with me and turned strange for some reason. So I now have that on my chest and everything else I've been posting on.
I may only be 20 but feel I can't handle anything these days. I'm trapped in myself I have opinions on things I can't back down on I just want to hide away. Getting older I see too much I don't like.
I'm not only fearing I'm going mad my life has no direction, dead end job..another friend fall out, no g.f what's it going to be next? I just feel I have no control left. I really don't know what to do, who to talk to yes it's all anxiety I have problems and I just struggle to deal with it.
I feel I am weak for posting it because it may make me weaker. I don't want to bottle it in either though. I can never remember life being this hard at 16 and 17 or even 18 so why now? Why am I experiencing this? Peoples opinions of me bring me down, I feel I can't trust myself I'm a weak person since I split with my ex.
Maybe the past will always come back to haunt me? My life is always one step forward and another two back I mean I seen it coming...I'm just so insecure right now. :weep:
My main fear is that i am going mad i feel very similar to you people keep saying people who are mad dont realise they are but it dos'nt make any difference i still think i am going to go over the edge and not come back i am also scared i will get scizofrenia (sorry for spelling) i scares me so much anxiety is a horrible thing xx
Hi Phil06
I have been through the same stresses that you mention. I also experienced them at an early age. I was just 16 when my first panic/anxiety attacks started and i lost lots of friends because of it. Through my fears i shut myself off from the situations i was uncomfortable in and there are only a certain number of invites that you get to go out with friends - next thing i knew no more invites came. Sorry to say and hope i dont upset too many people here but i find people of your age and younger wont get the help and support from fellow friends. They are too immature to handle your problems and they just wont understand it. Although i have friends of many ages my better friends are the older people who have lived life and grown up and have experience of some form of problem/issues.
You keep mentioning about having a girlfirend and not looking nice. I find it hard to believe - i have yet to meet someone who i cant look at because they are ugly, un-attractive. This person who mentioned to you about your looks is no friend so discard them anyway and the only thing unattractive is her attitude.
Dont put pressure on yourself to get the job and make something of yourself and have a girlfriend, these pressures are making you worse - just have some time out and it will all come together in the end.
All the best
Simon
Thanks. I'm just deflated confidence wise now. After struggling to maintain it all I have lost something.
It's extremely difficult for me I have kept my cool about it tonight and not spoke to them. Not sure where to go now but a few times In my life I have been alone and back to square one. Just worried about this especially at about 20 you are trying to find way in life.
I mean I guess I am better off without them as a friend however it's how I make more friends..I had been trying for months but had to stay in the same group. It's all about stability and familiarity for me all these ex's, ex friends, ex jobs just depresses me when other people make a clean sweep to the top.
I guess I'll just have to grind and bear. I do still feel like I am going bad a little but I am slightly more relaxed now. I dealt with it before so I guess I have to rise to this blip. It may fix or I may move on.
Hi Phil, just thought I'd comment on one thing as it was (and still is to a point) something I went through daily.
Thats the agression and argumentativeness (if thats a real word). Agression is yet one more symptom of anxiety. While most people don't experience it, those of us who do can't help but get frustrated.
Just like you I still argue points and don't like to back down when I disagree with people. However the agression doesn't come into it as much these days (it was only ever verbal anyway), and I don't argue for the sake of it (although others around me may disagree).
Its important to try and differentiate between being constructive and arguing a point for the hell of it. You have no idea how satisfying it can be to just agree to everything someone says even if you don't believe it. It kills an argument dead.
Agression is linked to anxiety as an outlet for the extra adrenalin and comes quickly to those of us that feel not in control. The more adrenalin, the shorter the fuse.
Its definately worth trying to work some of it off - any exercise at all will help. The gym is good, but anything physical helps, even a walk.
Like I said initially, I still sometimes can't help myself. I won't see people bullied and I won't let people talk about others when they wouldn't say the same to their face. That does get me in trouble at times, but I also gain a little respect too as I tell it as it is.
If you ever need to vent just PM me and I'll be happy to listen and fire back too if you want !
Krakers.
Hi Phil, just thought I'd comment on one thing as it was (and still is to a point) something I went through daily.
Thats the agression and argumentativeness (if thats a real word). Agression is yet one more symptom of anxiety. While most people don't experience it, those of us who do can't help but get frustrated.
Just like you I still argue points and don't like to back down when I disagree with people. However the agression doesn't come into it as much these days (it was only ever verbal anyway), and I don't argue for the sake of it (although others around me may disagree).
Its important to try and differentiate between being constructive and arguing a point for the hell of it. You have no idea how satisfying it can be to just agree to everything someone says even if you don't believe it. It kills an argument dead.
Agression is linked to anxiety as an outlet for the extra adrenalin and comes quickly to those of us that feel not in control. The more adrenalin, the shorter the fuse.
Its definately worth trying to work some of it off - any exercise at all will help. The gym is good, but anything physical helps, even a walk.
Like I said initially, I still sometimes can't help myself. I won't see people bullied and I won't let people talk about others when they wouldn't say the same to their face. That does get me in trouble at times, but I also gain a little respect too as I tell it as it is.
If you ever need to vent just PM me and I'll be happy to listen and fire back too if you want !
Krakers.
Thanks you are right all the anxiety is bringing on the anger because I see it soo deep and can't see the positive I just get angry at the short term negatives.
I mean it's a vicious cycle you get anxious > angry > fear going mad. It's horrible as I've had everything from a dose of panic attacks to OCD, to negative thoughts and stress.
I do take the occasional walk but sometimes only a five minute one. For example this week I've barely leeched over door other than the pub which maybe doesn't help. I know drink and anxiety don't mix well either. I just feel an emotional mess, no sense of control and direction right now.
I think I need to plan what to do next without doing too much at once. I do feel pressured when the years go quick. Tonight I said to myself I will go and watch a DVD I felt soo stressed over the friendship thing I am still up at 3am and got no sleep last night.
I know it's all silly. I mean I could do more just don't feel the will to been trying endlessly for a woman and a job for months and get knocked back. I feel my mind is dwarped and just duno what to think.
I'm still battling with this fear.
I feel I am actually losing my mind and I'm losing the control. I thought about it last night and realised the reason for me to feel the way I do. I have days that are very good or extremely bad there's very few in between relax days for me anymore.
To give you an example I have been cancelled for a date twice in about three weeks after getting my hopes up very last minute they drop out. I had the good news of a job interview for a supervisor and I feel like latching onto it and almost gloating at the people who have put me down.
50% of how I feel is work and 35% is dating and the rest family and friends. I just feel like a stress machine. What annoys me is I know I've had it better but the entire pattern of my life the last 12 months has been extremely hard, stressful. I've been out a serious relationship two years and first year was fine had alot of dating now it's dried up.
I'm frustrated, I get up there just about to reach the top and fired back down to ground level. It's sending my emotions all over. I have tried to sort this every tactic even going part time and the work and other stuff still gets to me.
I just don't know where to go. What's it going to be next? For all I know it may get that bad I do lose my mind? My life is soo pattern ordinated I know it sounds silly...I am just scared people will think I'm going mad or getting manic depression if I am in a bad mood.
My mum and dad keep putting me down saying I need help for OCD/stress keep saying I'm never happy and they say I'm funny but they have been putting me down for 20 years. What am I going to do I must be going crazy and un normal?
How can I sort all these life problems out and sort the stress and anxiety? :doh: :lac:
chocolatesundae
05-05-09, 14:09
I think the fear that we are going 'mad' is a common one with people who have anxiety. I have felt the same way myself and have also read that if you can ask the question itself than you are not. Anxiety is a difficult thing to conquer, fear breeds fear, but hold on to this thought - it does get better and it will get better. Try distraction techniques, (relaxation doesn't work for me personally, gives me too much time to think), pick a random subject and find out all you can about it on the internet whilst listening to an MP3 player, do an online/distance learning course (the OU have some or National Extension College). Your first reaction may be that you can't think straight enough to learn anything new, mine was, but I have been surprised with how it has taken my mind of negative things when caught up studying :)
Phil, sorry if you've already said this earlier in the thread, but are you receiving any help for your anxiety? You say your parents are telling you to get help for your problems, and I think that's a really good idea.
Talking to someone objective or sorting through your thoughts with something like CBT will really help. I understand if your sceptical, because I always am when I'm in the depths of my GAD, but treatment does help as long as you put the effort in and keep your goal in mind (ie feeling better!).
I know I'm just saying what everyone else has, but the feelings of going crazy seem common in all of us, I can't tell you the nights I've laid in bed not sleeping and convinced that I was finally going nuts. However, everyone else is right - if you think you are, then you're not!
Just take a deep breath, take one day at a time (or even just one hour at a time!) and have a look to see what help you can get. It is there, if you ask for it.
I'm sending lots of love and support :hugs:
Sarah xx
i went through something similar when i was 21 and coming to the end of my finals at uni. in my case (it could be yours too??), it was because my life was at an importnat stage where the unknown was upon me. im at a smilar stage now (im 26 and want to move out finally), but it scares the hell out of me. i keep thinking what if i go mental and im on my own? what if i do something stupid?
i know this is not really advice as such, but maybe it helps to know you are not alone.
ps i took citalopram all those years ago but dont want them now. im going to try kalms as i have heard theyre good. might be worth you trying them
trismantis
27-07-09, 12:56
Hi,
I know this post was written while ago, but I thought i'd reply anyway.
I have been an anxiety sufferer for about 20 years - although normally it's only intense for 2-3 months a year...(only!!!)
Anyway, it's amazing how I can read posts from people and just to associate my problems with anothers seems to help.
Only this weekend I was at a grand prix, my mind started to wander and I imagined loosing control and jumping the barriers and going on the track!! Now to an un-anxious mind it's something stupid, but to the sufferer it's a real as anything..... and for about 20 mins I was really freaked by it.
From what I understand of anxiety, it comes from repression and built up anger.
I think a way of beating some forms of this problem is to recognise your own worth - to realise that you can speak your mind and that other peoples feelings are worth the same amount as yours.
This is my theory - and I will put it to practise (not with everything though - telling my boss my true thoughts, would not help my mortgage payments!).
I know this is a simple short way of trying to beat this, but for me as a shy, controlled and self-doubting individual, it's a start....
Tris
Hi there Phil.......well for someone who thinks he is going mad you are an extremely articulate and interesting man. Go for it with the job I really hope you get it. If I can presume to give you a few hints to get rid of that frustration and tension I will try .......... I'm 65 and have 'suffered' with 'nerves' for the past 10 yrs , it's only recently that I've pulled myself up by the pants and started to try to do something about it. My biggest asset has been an exercise bike ........ I pedal to hell and back like a maniac when I'm up to my ears in 'nerves.Having tried all the medication known to man had I known what simple exercise would do I would have got a bike years ago. I also find that clean air ( whether seaside or country air) is a good help ........get out there and deep breathe........ you may also find that writing how you feel down may help you ........ write down and then read it later in the day or the following day ......... you may be surprised to find that you survived the previous day and you actually overcame your feelings lol........take good care Phil and be gentle with yourself .........good luck ..........Pammy xx
I feel awful again today. Had another bad spell in the town where I thought I was going manic depressed. I got a bit moody and my mum was extremely moody today so she said must be something wrong with me but later on she said it was just her. I'm most anxious in the town then I felt maybe I was losing control not sure if it was anxiety or maybe I am going mad?
I'm so anxious, suffering social anxiety, ocd, negative thoughts, feeling low all at once. I just want to hide away. I'm terrified of these big fears if they came back maybe I'd be stuffed. :shrug:
I'm now analyzing my pattern the last few weeks to see what's going on. I hope I'm not going crazy. :weep:
shakey1961
03-10-09, 23:07
Woah boy woah!!!! Slow down lad. I'm sorry I don't know all about your past problems but you seem to be weighed down by all manner of things.
So... how much have you lost control and how more mad are you than before? That's what the title of your post says to me. Who has diagnosed you as being mad? Exactly - it's all in your own thoughts!
Are you a manic depressive? If not then why do you think you are? Why are you worrying about having no GF? You're only 20 lad, you got loads of time to find a nice lady. Jobs? Well look at the present economic climate there is precious few jobs out there for anyone right now.
Analyze analyze analyze - why? While there's no harm in looking over things do your research then put it away.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GO CRAZY OR MAD!!! As said before it's the ones who are not aware of a problem that go crazy YOU are more than aware of your inner feelings and thoughts and the world around you.
SLOW DOWN! For one evening do what YOU want to do. Chill out and say SOD IT to all the people who don't want to know you etc etc etc and just be Phil. Pamper yourself, get something nice to eat, nice film/dvd and relax.
Feel free to PM me if I can help
I to worry about going crazy/mad obsessively it feels like theres no way out no matter what anyone says even a doctor.Ive had this worry for 2 years now started just after a very close bereavement and personal issues. Im a 20s guy to no gf,no job i know what you mean its very hard most of the time.The only thing that gets me though each day is hope for the next and the dream of settling down someday,somewhere special with a special lady to share it with.
MissChampers
06-10-09, 12:40
Yes I get the same and I find as soon as I start thinking about it it makes it worse. The worse time for me is in a supermarket stood a checkout. I feel trapped if people are stood behind me so I'm scared I'm going to do or say something stupid which then brings on the panic so I find myself avoiding shops. :(
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