Hitman47
28-04-09, 14:58
Hi there,
Not really sure where to start really, I think/know I’m suffering from depression and/or anxiety.
It’s been a gradual decline that started a few years back.
First a bit of back-story:
I’ve always been a fastidious/highly-strung sort of person i.e. I like everything to be put in its place and if I’m doing something I do it to the nth degree.
As a child (I didn’t realise it at the time) I had a bad spell of OCD where I’d worry I had to think before breathing and blinking and wasn't doing it naturally (which as I’m writing that makes me sound like I was a complete loon :ohmy: ).
I eventually sort of grew out of it apart from the odd quirk which I still have like double checking that all the lights are off before bed etc. Nothing too serious or that restricts my life in anyway.
Looking back I can only assume that losing my mother to cancer in 2002 when I was 25 and still living at home was the catalyst and things have slowly started to deteriorate (so slowly that only now looking back I can see my outlook changing) from there.
Anyway, all seemed fine and I was married in 2005 and it was around this time that I had my first brush with what I guess is anxiety, I started get I strange feeling down the left-hand side of my stomach and instead of just brushing it off as nothing I started dwelling on it, convinced it was cancer (it didn’t help that the first thing I googled was stomach cancer).
After weeks of this which including various embarrassments such as continuously going to the doctors (he diagnosed IBS) and even breaking down in tears at the docs, I was eventually given a sigmoidoscopy I think just to get rid of me but that still didn’t satisfy my fears and I ended up also having an endoscope down my throat and then later a Barium Enema, none of which are too pleasant let me tell you.
All of this took the best part of a year.
Anyhow they all came back negative and I've basically got mild IBS after all which is worse at times of stress but is easily controlled with diet.
Things eased off for a while until my oldest son was ill last June where I found myself totally panicked and fearing the worst and basically getting myself into a right state over what turned out to be a mouth infection (he was only two and refusing to drink so I was convinced he needed putting on a drip etc). Looking back my wife was heavily pregnant at the time so this would've been playing on my mind also.
I then lost my Grandma to cancer in July (we were very close) and then in the September my second son was born, unfortunatley my wife hemorrhaged badly during labour which frightened the life out of me but she pulled through.
The next thing to happen was while my wife and new born were in hospital my eldest son stuck a tiny ball from one of his toys up his nose which meant a trip to the hospital where he had to be knocked out so they could examine up his nasal passages, again I was
absolutely terrified and I think it was all too much for me and I broke down in tears outside the operating theater.
Since then things have quieted down again and for the last 6 or so months we’ve been a normal family.
Then early April I had a strange sensation in the left side of my head and almost immediately thought; brain tumor (again I made the mistake of googling it), I went to the doctors who dismissed it as nothing to worry about and then after my second visit we had a little chat about my mental state.
I’ve realised that I need help now and I've discussed this with the doctor who basically went through a sort of questionnaire on his computer asking me about depression, fear etc and I’m waiting for a letter with an appointment to see someone.
Basically I’d like to know what exactly I’m suffering from.
Is it anxiety, depression or what? I have a happy home life and I love my family to bits, my wife has been a rock throughout this.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed by all this and think “just get on with life you tart” and I do try but I always seem to fear the worst and worry far too much.
Also now that my doctor has made an appointment for me to see someone for as he puts it “a half hour private chat” ,what will this entail exactly and where do we go from there?
Sorry to waffle on with such a long first post but I really wanted you to know my full background before (hopefully) offering me some help and advice.
Thanks for listening; it’s been strangely therapeutic just getting that off my chest.
Thanks, David:flowers: .
Not really sure where to start really, I think/know I’m suffering from depression and/or anxiety.
It’s been a gradual decline that started a few years back.
First a bit of back-story:
I’ve always been a fastidious/highly-strung sort of person i.e. I like everything to be put in its place and if I’m doing something I do it to the nth degree.
As a child (I didn’t realise it at the time) I had a bad spell of OCD where I’d worry I had to think before breathing and blinking and wasn't doing it naturally (which as I’m writing that makes me sound like I was a complete loon :ohmy: ).
I eventually sort of grew out of it apart from the odd quirk which I still have like double checking that all the lights are off before bed etc. Nothing too serious or that restricts my life in anyway.
Looking back I can only assume that losing my mother to cancer in 2002 when I was 25 and still living at home was the catalyst and things have slowly started to deteriorate (so slowly that only now looking back I can see my outlook changing) from there.
Anyway, all seemed fine and I was married in 2005 and it was around this time that I had my first brush with what I guess is anxiety, I started get I strange feeling down the left-hand side of my stomach and instead of just brushing it off as nothing I started dwelling on it, convinced it was cancer (it didn’t help that the first thing I googled was stomach cancer).
After weeks of this which including various embarrassments such as continuously going to the doctors (he diagnosed IBS) and even breaking down in tears at the docs, I was eventually given a sigmoidoscopy I think just to get rid of me but that still didn’t satisfy my fears and I ended up also having an endoscope down my throat and then later a Barium Enema, none of which are too pleasant let me tell you.
All of this took the best part of a year.
Anyhow they all came back negative and I've basically got mild IBS after all which is worse at times of stress but is easily controlled with diet.
Things eased off for a while until my oldest son was ill last June where I found myself totally panicked and fearing the worst and basically getting myself into a right state over what turned out to be a mouth infection (he was only two and refusing to drink so I was convinced he needed putting on a drip etc). Looking back my wife was heavily pregnant at the time so this would've been playing on my mind also.
I then lost my Grandma to cancer in July (we were very close) and then in the September my second son was born, unfortunatley my wife hemorrhaged badly during labour which frightened the life out of me but she pulled through.
The next thing to happen was while my wife and new born were in hospital my eldest son stuck a tiny ball from one of his toys up his nose which meant a trip to the hospital where he had to be knocked out so they could examine up his nasal passages, again I was
absolutely terrified and I think it was all too much for me and I broke down in tears outside the operating theater.
Since then things have quieted down again and for the last 6 or so months we’ve been a normal family.
Then early April I had a strange sensation in the left side of my head and almost immediately thought; brain tumor (again I made the mistake of googling it), I went to the doctors who dismissed it as nothing to worry about and then after my second visit we had a little chat about my mental state.
I’ve realised that I need help now and I've discussed this with the doctor who basically went through a sort of questionnaire on his computer asking me about depression, fear etc and I’m waiting for a letter with an appointment to see someone.
Basically I’d like to know what exactly I’m suffering from.
Is it anxiety, depression or what? I have a happy home life and I love my family to bits, my wife has been a rock throughout this.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed by all this and think “just get on with life you tart” and I do try but I always seem to fear the worst and worry far too much.
Also now that my doctor has made an appointment for me to see someone for as he puts it “a half hour private chat” ,what will this entail exactly and where do we go from there?
Sorry to waffle on with such a long first post but I really wanted you to know my full background before (hopefully) offering me some help and advice.
Thanks for listening; it’s been strangely therapeutic just getting that off my chest.
Thanks, David:flowers: .