nikkinik
28-04-09, 18:07
I feel like Ive been on the edge for a few days now.
Ive been waking up exhausted, achey, fatigued etc, the usual. Ive also been feeling sick and got the usual feeling like Ive been punched in the stomach, at times the pain has made me feel like Id be sick.
I woke up this morning and I was aching all over, it took the usual 20mins to get moving. I just lay there for those 20mins feeling utterly depressed. Im sick of having the same day.. drop my son off school, force myself to tidy up, watch tv while I eat my lunch.. do more stuff at home if I dont feel like dropping(!), then go pick him up, feed him, reluctantly play (I have zero energy and motivation), then bedtime and the worry over whether I will actually sleep, if I'll wake in a panic, or even whether I'll be able to settle in the first place.
Today I came back from dropping him off, did what I needed to do on the pc, forced down breakfast, tidied a tiny bit, forced down lunch and then decided I shouldnt just be sitting there feeling like cr*p (mentally and physically) and that I should tidy properly.. so I scrubbed 2 bathrooms.. ok, sounds like nothing, but for me its alot(!).
Later on when it came to dropping my son off I walked down the stairs and realised my legs felt like jelly, like Id been running.. I tried to be rational with myself (All the while in the back of my mind Im thinking 'whats wrong with me, my legs aching are just another thing to add to the list of feeling sick, no energy, aching etc etc), and I told myself it was just from cleaning etc.
Then I opened the door, took one step out and terror just came over me, like I just wanted to run back inside and not go out.. of course I couldnt do that, no one else could pick my son up if I did.
Then just now I started to panic, I realised all day Ive not been able to think straight, theres no voices in my head (yet.. Im sure thats next!), but everything is sort of fuzzy.. Like Ive not slept for 2 weeks and am unable t think straight.
Whats happening, what can I do to make things better. Ive tried getting on with it, reading a book , watching tv, general distraction, its not helping.
I dont know what to do. Im so miserable right now.
Ive been waking up exhausted, achey, fatigued etc, the usual. Ive also been feeling sick and got the usual feeling like Ive been punched in the stomach, at times the pain has made me feel like Id be sick.
I woke up this morning and I was aching all over, it took the usual 20mins to get moving. I just lay there for those 20mins feeling utterly depressed. Im sick of having the same day.. drop my son off school, force myself to tidy up, watch tv while I eat my lunch.. do more stuff at home if I dont feel like dropping(!), then go pick him up, feed him, reluctantly play (I have zero energy and motivation), then bedtime and the worry over whether I will actually sleep, if I'll wake in a panic, or even whether I'll be able to settle in the first place.
Today I came back from dropping him off, did what I needed to do on the pc, forced down breakfast, tidied a tiny bit, forced down lunch and then decided I shouldnt just be sitting there feeling like cr*p (mentally and physically) and that I should tidy properly.. so I scrubbed 2 bathrooms.. ok, sounds like nothing, but for me its alot(!).
Later on when it came to dropping my son off I walked down the stairs and realised my legs felt like jelly, like Id been running.. I tried to be rational with myself (All the while in the back of my mind Im thinking 'whats wrong with me, my legs aching are just another thing to add to the list of feeling sick, no energy, aching etc etc), and I told myself it was just from cleaning etc.
Then I opened the door, took one step out and terror just came over me, like I just wanted to run back inside and not go out.. of course I couldnt do that, no one else could pick my son up if I did.
Then just now I started to panic, I realised all day Ive not been able to think straight, theres no voices in my head (yet.. Im sure thats next!), but everything is sort of fuzzy.. Like Ive not slept for 2 weeks and am unable t think straight.
Whats happening, what can I do to make things better. Ive tried getting on with it, reading a book , watching tv, general distraction, its not helping.
I dont know what to do. Im so miserable right now.