where to start....

[taeo]

You know, sometimes like now i wonder why i bother. Im sat here typing this post on the Laptop whilst wondering if im going to Die.

Yet again im constantly worried about heart failure or that im wrong about some medical issue that makes me so anxious or worried about the slightest thing.

Tonight it was heartburn, stupid huh, not really eaten much all day because im paranoid about my weight. this is all random btw i apologise to anyone even remotly trying to make sense of it.

When a grown man sits in bed ready to burst into tears at just anything it feels silly, im normally a strong person, but since my father died (12 years ago) its as if im always living behind a clear glass wall that is ready to shatter at any moment and let the world come rushing in.

ive Panicked over so many things, if panic could be a new olympic event i swear i would win every year, although never turn up because it would undoubtibly be in a huge building (another damn phobia)

Heres a list for you,

im "Bothered" by the following...

Large structures - ie bridges, Cathedrals, tunnnels etc

i fear conflict, death and worry

i hate the way i look, feel and act

im afraid to go out with my girlfriend to any area with people because im afraid if we get into trouble i cant defend her. i fall to peices in stressfull situations (makes no sense as i used to teach martial arts to a huge group of people)

Im bothered about being too thin (i dont wear t-shirts) im bothered about being too fat (i rarely have a top on that shows my body shape)

Im a mess.

Ive just got to the bottom of my barrel and when i look up, well its a dark sky above me.


I would like to think that someone, somewhere in this huge open world is out there...

[Veronica H]

:welcome: to NMP. Glad that you have found us. Many here have similar symptoms of anxiety. Have you seen your GP? Take a good look around this site. I know it will be a great comfort to you and gradually you will realise that this is much more common than you think and there is a way forward. I am so sorry that you have suffered for so long since the death of your Dad which naturally would trigger anxiety.There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes called 'self help for your nerves', published by Thorsons. This is available from the NMP Shop. Her work can also be downloaded free to your MP3 from the shop. I can not recommend this enough as it really explains what is happening to us, and how we can recover.

Veronica

[taeo]

Thankyou for your welcome Veronica, i will check out the shop later, cant really from work.

[shiraz]

Hiya taeo you really are going through it arent you my suggestion is first step your gp sounds like you initially are depressed and then he/she may be able to direct you further to some sort of councilling.there is a lot of help out there for you and never be afraid to cry more problems arise if you keep it all in

babs xxx

[taeo]

Thankyou all for your replies, i have seen many doctors about these issues and even had 13 months worth of "therapy" i would say it did help, im my own worst enemy as i always see the worst in everything.

Its quite a relief that there seems to be a fair few people who have been there.


Paul, have you been able to resolve the conflict phobia?