please help - having another melanoma scare

[robelros]

i was doing ok for a few months in regards to HA and my particular phobia of melanoma. but now, i'm back to my old tricks. i have a mole check tomorrow afternoon (a good 30 hours away, ahh), and have in recent days noticed that this mole i've had for a long time on my hand has changed, but not recently. i saw some old photos from maybe 3 years ago and it was a LOT darker than it is now. i would say at least a few shades. i don't think it has changed in size but it's hard to tell - it's not perfectly round, more oval and maybe very slight irregular border, probably slightly smaller than a pencil eraser. the pigmentation is now very light .

so now i am thinking that i "missed" the changes a few years ago b/c i was 'lucky' enough to not have HA at the time. and i am petrified that i missed that window of time when i would have caught the cancer early, and now it's already running through my body. this morning i have not been able to get ANY work done at work, i'm just completely paralyzed with fear that this is it. i know i've said that before, but this time, i have seen photographic proof of a major change in the last few years so i feel like it's less my imagination.

can someone please help me? has anyone ever experienced this? i'm so terrified and i'm supposed to away this weekend and i feel like i won't even be able to have fun b/c i'm sure my doc will want to remove this and i'll be imagining the worst. i don't know what to do. please help me!

[Wee-Mee]

First of,hello! :hugs:

And secondly,I feel the exact same. Seriously. I have a good few moles on my body which never bothered me at all,until HA knocked at the door in my head.

I have one on my leg that I am due to get checked at dermatology on 18th May and I am poohing it to say the least.

The one I talk about is "flame shaped" as my gp told me and although he said he didn't think there was anything wrong with it,for my own peace of mind he would refer me..

Now..when I think back long to the days that HA wasn't even a brain cell in my head,it had itched and crusted before and now when I keep looking at it I think it looks darker,then lighter.

Long story short,I'm going off the head but I am TRYING to reassure myself that if this happened long before knew then if it was serious then it would have gotten alot worse..

And the doctor would have referred me right there and then.

Say the doctor does want to remove it though? I think it will be maybe INCASE it happened to turn dodgy in time..

I may actually ASK the doc to remvoe the one on my leg cos it is just weird..

Feel free to pm or anything. I didn't eat for about a week when I worried about this stuff

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[countrygirl]

My aunty had malignant melanoma 15 yrs ago and is now 80 yr old and fine but I actually saw what hers looked like and it was unmistakable. Malignant melanoma does not ever go lighter as melanoma means black. Hers was jet black about size of a 2p piece and was rough and hilly and ragged with deep red border - it looked evil.

[randomworry]

hi OP

i dont know for sure but i reckon that its the way it changes which signifies something bad not just because its changes. I mean our bodies change all the time especially skin which is exposed to the elements.

dont worry about it you'll be fine

[robelros]

thank you for your posts - i know that bodies and moles change but this is the first one i've seen where the change is so obvious, ya know? it is really freaking me out. i also did read somewhere that melanomas can become lighter - it is usually the other way around of course but it definitely can happen. i don't know how to get my mind out of this vicious cycle of worry about this - even once my doctor looks at it and even if she thinks it looks ok, i know that i will not feel completely better until i get pathology results. i hate this!! wee mee, good luck with your doctor appointment, please definitely keep me posted!

[Kraggy]

I know exactly how you feel, I have a huge amount of Moles on my body, several that stick out like somekind of a warth, However I had a check up last week and the doctor said they all looked very calm.
Unfortionatly, when I start my day, Usually with a shower of a warm bath, it starts off with a mole check, Its up to the point that I have even given some moles names such as "Hearth" for one beeing a bit hearth shaped, This I also use to keep track of any changes at all.
Anyways, Please remember, Only about one in a million Moles actually turns into a Melanoma, And its normal for them to change over the years.

My friend had one at fairly young age, and she told me about it. Apperantly when it started changing it really went rapidly, starting to spread out and grow noticeably larger in a matter of days, They immedietly removed it and in the end it got removed without it spreading to any other lymph nodes or organs or anything, She also has slight health anxiety nowadays though. ^^

so a slight change in 3 years should not be all that much that you should be afraid off, I myself have one on my cheek that has become lighter/slightly red in the past year or so, But the good doc said that it was nothing to worry about :)

Just stay strong till tomorrow, and the good doc will probably let you hear those words we all love so much. "It is nothing to worry about, You are completely fine"

Kind regards,

Kraggy :bighug1:

[diane07]

It is normally a rapid change if it is a bad mole, and i mean rapid, my son has massive moles all over his body, i have to keep an eye on the ones on his back all the time, as big and as dark as they are they are all fine unless one of course changes very fast, like countrygirl said they actually look evil, yours sounds fine to me.

best wishes

di xx

[robelros]

thanks guys. i feel a bit better but still am very very worried. you know how it is. my biggest fear right now is that maybe i missed a period of time a few years ago when it started getting lighter quickly -like, i was young and not paying attention and maybe got lighter over the course of a few days or weeks or months and i just didn't know any better at the time. so now have i missed my window of opportunity? that is what is realy bothering me right now. i really hope you are all right though, thanks for trying to help!

kraggy, i'm glad i'm not the only out there with lots of moles - i have a ton even though most of them aren't very big, i think i only have a couple that are as big as a pencil eraser. but i keep reading more and more about smaller ones becoming cancerous so it is freaky. it is SO hard to stay on top of changes when you have so many! so the one you have on your face is getting lighter kinda quickly and your doctor thinks it is fine?

[Kraggy]

well I wouldn't say quickly, but over the past few month's its been getting lighter yeah, It seems to be going from brown to more of a red-ish brown, I've been to the doctors office about 10 times already, and had 2 check ups of moles, And he said they all looked fine, I doubt he would miss out on one so plain in sight, and it is about the size of a pencil eraser yeah, Most of my own are small aswell, with a few big ones standing out.

And try to stop reading about moles, I know just how you feel, but since I joined here a few days ago, and got worried about something (Pretty much something else atleast once a day) I have decided to just ask here, and hope people remain patient with me, But I think that is fine since the vast majority of them knows exactly how we feel.

[robelros]

thanks kraggy. it always makes me feel better to know that there are others who undrstand how this feels, because nobody else in my life really does! i had a breakdown last night after work b/c i'm so exhausted from being so stressd about this, on top of having other life responsibilities. i think i am going to look into some sort of therapy, i just haven't had a chance yet. good for you for not googling, that is very wise!!

i'm off to my appointment in a few minutes, wish me luck - i'm so nervous i haven't been able to eat today. i just want it to be over and i want my doctor think everything i'm concerned about is NOTHING!!!!

[Kraggy]

Haha, Let us know how it ended. I'm sure it'll be nothing. and if it is, you'd have caught it in such an early stage that a simple removal of the mole will completely remove it from your body.

[robelros]

thanks kraggy - all is good! she told me that she didn't see anything (including the one on the back of my hand i was so worried about) that concerned her. i told her when i look at them, they seem irregular or discolored, but she said most of the time with a melanoma, they are severely irregular or discolored, like brutally obvious. she also said melanomas are generally larger than 6mm, but not always so it's smart to keep an eye on smaller ones. hmmm, what else (i'm trying to rememeber everything in case either someone else reads this for reassurance or in case i have another HA attack sometime down the line and need it!). wel anyway, i can't remember what else but she made me feel sooooo much better. she seems to get the gist of my anxiety about this so she said it's ok if i want to come back in 6 mos instead of in a year. i took her up on that, of course and made an apptmt for november! anyway, that's the story - thanks for being patient with me through my little crisis :)