View Full Version : If it were that easy
I am totally aware that i think too much.
I think about everything and plan everything so that im more comfortable in situations.
I always get told - DONT THINK.
Im sure this is the answer to my problems. If we didnt think then these problems would go away. Its our thinking about them and then the worry and fear that increases its effect.
Im glad i do think otherwise i would be brain dead. But how do we train our minds to think away from worries. I know its natural but what methods do you use to take your mind off panic and think of something else?
I really concentrate on something next to me. Say a pen ...... it's length, colour, what it's made of, how it feels, does it write well? etc. Or an orange.... how big is it? is it perfectly round? what little bumps has it?.... Really indepth concentration on an object. Takes 2-3 minutes for the panic to pass, usually, and can be done anywhere without looking daft!
Good post. I usually count numbers in my head and picture myself writing each number very slowly. I find this slows my racing heart aswell
SC
In all honesty the main way i got well was to pretend. Pretend that i was happy, confident, in control...i practised and practised because i wanted to back the way i used to be...and it worked.
Everyday became better, panic attacks dont exist anymore and my thoughts are positive...i wont allow any fearful or negative thoughts stay for long, afterall its my mind and i am the boss!
Once you let go of the fear, you see life as it can be...you wont want to go back to the 'other self' I am determined to beat it, not be beaten down by it.
I know all ways work differently for people but i found the strength after the worst attack i'd ever had and havent looked back.
Be strong, you have recognised the power of your mind, use it to your advantage, its there to do whatever you wish with
All the best xx
Thats a lovely post snowdrop....im going to try that one and pretend...i beat panic attacks last time...so must be able to do it again. Theres hope for us all. I found last time i had p.a that a relaxation c.d by glen harold was useful to go to sleep to of a night. x
I always get told - DONT THINK.
Im sure this is the answer to my problems. If we didnt think then these problems would go away. Its our thinking about them and then the worry and fear that increases its effect.
....But how do we train our minds to think away from worries. I know its natural but what methods do you use to take your mind off panic and think of something else?
I found your post interesting as it gave me some thoughts to share. I feel you're quite right about trying not to "think" and about what happens when our thinking takes over.
Firstly though, and I know I've mentioned this before, picture the following just as an example.....
Every morning you get up and make a cuppa. You open the cupboard door just as you have done for years without a worry in the world to get to the tea bags. One morning though, you open the cupboard door and find a huge housespider staring at you. Unfortunately, spiders are one thing that just happen to absolutely terrify you so immediately you close the cupboard door and go without your cuppa because no one is around to sort it for you.
Throughout the day you can't stop "thinking" about the spider and whether it's still there. The next morning you get up and you're feeling very panicky just in case the spider turns up again. This panicky feeling becomes so intense you feel you just can't risk opening the cupboard door so again you decide to go out without your cuppa.
You then find that you develop a fear about opening this cupboard door because you can't stop "thinking" "what if" the spider is there waiting for you. Eventually you ask a friend to take a look for you and they find the spiders gone so you feel reassured.....but you still can't stop thinking, what if it's returned, where has it gone, will it turn up somewhere else etc etc etc.
In your mind you then keep thinking of possibilities if or where it might turn up so that every draw then becomes a problem because you feel afraid it might turn up again.
Panic works in the same way. You go out to a shop, you suffer a panic and then you return home but can't stop thinking "what if" it happens again "wherever" you go if you attempted to go out.
So then as you say, how do you stop yourself "thinking" about "what if" it happens again. Well, my feeling is that we Shouldn't make a conscious effort to devise a method "just in case" we find a spider or experience a panic when we're out. The reason is, that devising a method means that you're "thinking" how to combat panic. It's a bit like saying what method should I adopt just in case I cough or sneeze.
The thing about coughing or sneezing is that we treat them as natural things we sometimes encounter so we don't have to think about how to combat them. We just use natural precautions when it happens and then "forget" about them.
If we make a conscious effort to think how we're going to combat a panic attack, we're preparing ourselves for "battle". Battle means tension. Tension means panic! So in other words, we're making ourselves more likely to experience panic by preparing a plan to fight it instead of just "ignoring" it as we would a cough!
Ideally, you want to be able to go out without having to plan - without having to think. Therefore, the best course of action to fight panics is to learn to treat them like sneezes so that you then don't have to think about them.
Going back to the spider in the cupboard. Would you prepare a plan "just in case" a spider was present or would you treat the spider just as you would a bit of dust? If you find a spider, the best way to deal with it is to think "oh, it's a spider, let's pick it up and get rid of it" just as you would a cough by drinking some water.
It's true to say that if you're under alot of stress that you "could" suffer a panic but the key to not "thinking" about them is by learning not to be afraid of them and that way you don't need a plan so that you go out without thinking about "what if" one happens.
My feeling is the best way to think about a panic is to learn to treat them as you would a cough - accept, forget and move on, safe in the knowledge they can't harm you just as a spider can't but if you do happen to find another spider, just train your mind to say, "Oh well, it'll go and tomorrows a new day!", and then you'll be able to go out without thinking.:hugs:
Thanks for another really good post Bill!
You always have very good advice. I know you are right about the way to deal with panic/anxiety, it's just so hard to actually carry it out when you feel ghastly. I do try but maybe not hard enough. I think if it doesn't work immediately the panic takes over more and stops me being able to do what I know I should. I know it's unlikely that anything is going to happen to me when I feel so bad, but I just have so much fear of the feelings. Unfortunately, I feel this way at home, not just when I go out. It's very encouraging when I hear of people who have got better by carrying out this way of thinking. I just wish I could be one of them!!
Judy:hugs:
it's just so hard to actually carry it out when you feel ghastly.
If we feel ghastly before we begin, we're already defeated because it's like standing by a swimming pool forcing yourself to dive in whilst saying to yourself you're going to drown! When you hit the water, this thought takes over and you start to panic because you've already convinced yourself what will happen.
I do try but maybe not hard enough.
I was reading one of your old posts where you were roughly saying it's so hard to keep fighting the battle. I think you're actually trying Too hard and I'll come to why in a mo.
I think if it doesn't work immediately the panic takes over more
"More" being the operative word because to begin with you need to learn how to stay relaxed. "More" means you were already feeling panicky which links in to my paragraph above.
I just have so much fear of the feelings.
This is something I read about. We don't suffer a fear of fear. We suffer a fear of the feelings fear creates.
Now to explain -
I feel this way at home, not just when I go out.
Every morning you wake up you feel anxious because your mind is already prepared to face a day full of fear. This fear then tenses your body up so you feel constantly ghastly! These feelings then in themselves create more fear which you try to fight making your body tense up even more creating more anxious feelings and so on in a vicious circle.
What I was saying earlier is that you're "fighting" these feelings because they frighten you. What you need to do is the opposite by allowing yourself to feel the feelings so that you Don't fight them by learning to allow your body to remain "limp".
Every time you feel anxious, I can imagine that you probably pull your tummy in. This means that you're tensing your tummy muscles which can then begin a process of tensing the rest of your body up such as your throat muscles too. This can create a lack of appetite because you feel too tensed up to get any food through. You therefore need to focus on your muscles to "let them out" - relax them no matter what anxious thoughts you're experiencing.
Imagine you're in a large mansion at night on our own. You're walking along a corridor in complete darkness when suddenly you're confronted by a ghost!:scared15: What do you do? Stay or run? I reckon you'd run like crazy as most people would but in reality, would a ghost cause any harm? Ok, well, a poltergeist might but the ordinary run of the mill ghost would probably just be wondering what you're doing in the mansion! I'd actually love to see a ghost, although perhaps they may have visited me already but that's another story!
Anyway, my point is that if you stayed to say hello to the ghost, the ghost would just disappear. If you tried to shake hands with the ghost, your hand would just go straight through it. The ghost would have no solid matter and would do no harm.
Fear is the same as a ghost. The feelings it represents are what we're really afraid of but in reality neither can harm us as both appear naturally. Therefore, the next time you see a ghost, just stay where you are and you'll find it'll be the ghost who will disappear first because it'll find out it can't scare you because you refuse to run!
I feel there are 2 opposite situations that can cause anxious feelings. Being at work or at home and experiencing too much stress or being at work or at home and experiencing too little stress! What I mean is that when we have too much to do, our mind goes into overtime trying to keep up with the million and one thoughts and million and one jobs to do which can then lead to anxiety and panics.
However, if we have too little to do, our minds have too much time to think as there just isn't enough to occupy an intelligent mind which means the mind will focus on its negative thoughts and look for something to worry about whether it's thoughts about our health, what we hear on tv or read in the paper etc. Everything around us will then represent a fear to start worrying about from the moment we open our eyes every morning.
This means that as soon as you wake, you're expecting a day full of fear to "fight" because every day then becomes a battle to survive as your mind becomes totally focussed on fear and things to worry about.
Too much stress can be bad but so too can too little stress. Therefore, what we need to develop are strategies to counter the fear thinking pattern. My feeling is that we need structure to our days. To provide ourselves with something interesting and enjoyable each day to give the mind something to look forward to. The structure need not be rigid because variety is best but I do feel hobbies, clubs, voluntary jobs, going out meeting people etc can all help to stop the mind focussing on fear.
Once we bring in ways to combat fear and the anxious feelings it creates, we are then more able to keep relaxed and stop the cycle because our minds become trained on what we're doing rather than what we're feeling or thinking.
If we stay indoors to do mundane jobs or sit and think, anxiety will take over. Our minds need stimulation but not too much stress. A bored mind will create an anxious mind because that's how our minds will work if given the opportunity.
Personally, I found taking up voluntary work and belonging to a club to be a great help. I was anxious to begin with but once I was out, my mind became too occupied with what I had to do. When I'm at home I try to keep myself occupied with things I enjoy such as a jigsaw puzzle. They can be frustrating but they provide an interest and a puzzle to solve. Crosswords etc can also help. The important thing is to find what You enjoy that is stimulating enough to stop you thinking about fears so that you can find some relaxation to break the anxious cycle so that each morning when you wake your mind is too occupied looking forward to an activity to think about anxious feelings. It's a way to train the mind away from anxious thoughts.
Also take some time out each day to focus on training to keep your muscles relaxed while perhaps you lay on your bed listening to your favourite relaxing music! That doesnt mean laying there thinking about how anxious you're feeling though! lol.......otherwise get up and do something you enjoy! lol :bighug1:
Thank you so much Bill for taking the time to reply to my particular problems.
I will read and re read it until it sinks in! I shall print it out so that I have it to hand any time I need it. I'm going to follow your suggestions as best as I can. I know it will take practise but I'm more than willing to take the time to get this new way of thinking into my head.
I think one of my problems is definately having too much time on my hands. I left work 2 years ago and thought it would be nice to have more time for myself. It was at first. Unfortunately last year my elderly mother had a bad fall. She has recoverd to a great degree but it was a very traumatic time as I have always been really close to her. I have a sister and we shared the hospital visiting and looking after mum. However, she had a job so obviously I was able to be there more often and because my sister had a job she had something else to distract her. Anyway, I have always been nervy where as she seems to cope with things more easily. Running alongside my mothers accident, my daughter was getting married and I was trying to help her organize that. In November when everything had calmed down, my body just seemed to decide it had had enough and couldn't go on.
With hindsight, I had been suffering from anxiety symptoms a lot of the time for years but had not recognized them as such, and they hadn't taken over my life completely like they did this time.
Sorry for the rant. I don't suppose you really wanted my life story!!
Thanks again bill.:hugs:
Judy:hugs:
I'm More than happy to listen and do my best to help you as with anyone. If I can say something that helps to ease even a small amount of anxiety then it would give me alot of pleasure knowing I've done some good for you.:hugs:
I can understand now what has happened to you. As with most of us, our personalities make us prone to suffering anxiety and often anxiety will hit us most after we've exceeded our limits.
In your case by the sound of things, you've always had an underlying anxious nature like most of us here. It's hard to say though how much giving up your job actualy contributed to your stress overload because if you weren't happy in your job and were already feeling under stress, this combined with caring for your mum and having the added stress from the wedding could have made you feel just as ill or even worse in the long run.
What often happens is that we will force ourselves to cope with whatever stress is put on us because I think often we feel it's our responsibility or we want to make sure things are done just right so don't or can't delegate to others to share the load. We also tend to suffer from perfectionism which can cause us problems. In the office we're often just the same! The boss will put more work on us and we then push ourselves to perform to unrealistic expectations because we feel a failure if we didn't cope. What happens though is we end up taking on too much without realising and end up feeling ill with anxiety. We forget or ignore our limits and put the job before our own health but suffer worse in the long run when we end up with anxious feelings and panics.
When you gave up work, and your mum had her fall and you were getting things organised for your daughters wedding, your mind was being kept occupied but it was also very stressful for you. You coped because you ran on adrenaline keeping you going. However, when the pressure then comes to an end, we suffer a backlash because I "think" the adrenaline keeps being produced but our minds no longer need it to keep us going. When this happens, I feel, the adrenaline can cause palps and a stressed feeling. When we're then in a crowded situation, panics will then surface because we feel "trapped" due to the adrenaline still preparing us to fight or take flight.
I'm partly only guessing about the exact causes but I do know that it's very common for us to keep coping under too much pressure only to find we suffer with severe anxiety once the stresses come to an end but it's just my personal thoughts that perhaps it's due to the adrenaline still being produced when it's no longer needed. I feel it's a bit like turning a tap on to fill a sink but once the sink has been filled, the tap keeps on running and when it overflows, anxiety results because without the pressures that were keeping our minds occupied, it then causes us to focus on negative thoughts and feelings causing a cycle of stress. I'm only guessing though!
To me, we're sensitive people and the more pressures that are pushed upon us, the more these stresses act on our sensitivity which then makes us feel irritable and touchy which then causes us more stress which causes anxiety which can then also lead to a depressed state.
The way to counteract the effects I feel are to learn ways to "de-sentisize" ourselves from the effects of suffering too much pressure that have created our overload of anxiety.
De-sensitising methods would be things such as relaxation techniques, cbt therapy, breathing exercises, meditation etc. Really I feel it's like creating a new "karma" to counter the excesses of the past. To un-do the effects of too much pressure by learning how to get back to how we used to be by "chilling".
If you picture a hyper-sensitive horse before a race. Everything will spook it. Anyone coming near, any car going by and even going into the stalls because it fears being "trapped". The reasons behind his hyper-sensitivity "could" be due to mistreatment or simply due to his anxious nature producing too much adrenaline. To help the horse to "chill out", it has to be given therapy and training to learn that it need not be afraid. Just as we use cbt to go shopping, a horse could be given cbt to get it used to going in the stalls. It's not just a case of learning not to fear the feelings of fear but also learning how to keep relaxed by being "de-sensitised". My feeling is that once we learn to keep "chilled", fear loses it's strength because adrenaline isn't then rushing around us increasing our sensitivity.
I often feel the importance of keeping the mind occupied and learning how to keep relaxed is overlooked. I actually feel that introducing these techniques can actually form a basis towards helping to overcome fears.
Sorry that's long winded! Some of the "goings on" in us that I've said above are just my guess but I hope something in there makes some sense!:hugs:
Yes, it does make a lot of sense! Thank you very much again Bill.:hugs:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.