panic disorder.

[superted]

hi guys,
its not often i use the forums, i usually use the chatroom. but today i read a thread that got to me about the severity of one persons disorder compared to others. now i feel that my panic disorder is as severe as they get but i also think that anyone who suffers from this may feel the same no matter how severe. i struggle to leave the house somedays not even able to get out of bed, i have lost my job, i struggle to sleep due to disturbing thoughts and sweating and jumping, its like im not in control of my mind. i can be going along then suddenly i cant even walk and everything just becomes spaced and i feel like im gonna collapse. i am too scared to take meds and cant even see doctor as im too scared, cant go hospital even. i just live in a world of panic and anxiety that is unbeleivably terrorfying. i was diagnosed with anxiety 15 yrs ago and it came back with avengence in december. i think it had been resurfacing slowly then suddenly i had a massive panic attack in december and since then everyday has been hell. even when im not anxious im thinking about it untill i make myself anxious. i think about my in abilty to sleep properly and how i felt out of control as i drifted off and that makes me panic in the day. so with regards to severity of disorder i worry i am alone sometimes. this illness changes its intensity and symptoms to unbeleivable lenghts. people always say i should see doc, but why, there is nothing they can do as i wont take meds and i dont understand how anyone can change the way i think. some days i just sit and cry coz i just want this to go but my mind just wont let go. i dont work, socialise or anything, this is ruining my life and the thread i read today got to me coz without naming names his description of his symptons were heaven to me, if only mine were that simple. sorry to maon guys but had to get this off my chest and maybe reach out to see if anyone understands the severity that i feel this disorder and has any good news stories or tips.


thanks guys

superted..........

p.s i forgot to mention that when i panic i loose total control, everything becomes very distirbing, my vision changes and i freeze with absolute terror. i cant even explain how i properly feel.

[Veronica H]

:hugs: Hi Superted

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Have you tried the Dr Weekes Downloads from the NMP shop. The downloads are free. They are very comforting and provided a way forward. Her book is available to buy from the shop too.

Veronica

[Allye]

Hi Superted

First of all you are not alone.

Secondly as you said, everyone has a different tolerance level but anyone who has a panic attack finds it equally terrifying.

Have you tried reading the Claire Weekes books - or listening to the free mp3s in the NMP shop. She will not try to change the way you think - but really does explain a lot about PA - knowledge is power as they say.

Reading your post was how I felt 3 years ago - when even getting out of bed set me off. I am still here - much improved.

You seem to have got into the cycle of fearing the fear - its hard to break but you can do it.

I think you could really do with some help from your GP - have you someone who could go with you?

Take care
Allye

[superted]

thanks for your reply allye, i have been to doctors and they have referred me for couciling and cbt, but they wont give me anymore meds as i refused to take citroplex after taking it for two days and it made me feel worse. i just cant handle the confused state i get just as im drifting off to sleep.

[snowdrop]

Ted

I am so sorry you are suffering so much hun, I do think as others said that you seem to be trapped in the fear of it all. I know its very scary but like you I also realise people are in different stages of anx, some right at the beginning and some making their way out of the other end. To be right in the midst of it as you are is hell but please please belive you can get out the other side as others have.

I think the councilling will be a great help and cbt will look at your thoughts and train you how to change your mind set.

I know you are fearful of taking any meds, i understand they made you feel worse, i do wish you'd stayed with them a little longer though at least just to get your mind straight.

Its not my place to start trying to tell you how to change your mind set etc as I'm not a doctor but we all have a lot of experience and if theres even one person who's made it through who can help I hope you would take it. I sometimes feel guilty coming here because i do feel well and others are struggling but if i can offer some support to anyone then it would be worth it.

Hope to see you in chat again when you're ready hun, don't forget we are all routin for you.

:hugs:

Lou x

[lorac]

Hi Ted

Reading your story reminded me of how I was about 2 years ago, everything seemed so impossible and my panic disorder really was out of control. I was like you I would be walking along and something would start it off and it was just as though I couldn't walk another step forward, my head would feel confused and I couldn't coordinate my body for a few seconds, it was horrible. Even whilst sleeping my body would jump and I had falling sensations and even taking a bath or a shower would make me shake and put me into total panic. Like you I couldn't get to the doctors and when I did the only treatment was pills, which I was to scared to take because of side effects.

I am now greatly improved and my life is almost normal, I still have panic but I do now know how to control it and when it comes I can deal with it. The thing that really helped me to understand my panic and anxiety was the book Allye mentioned, Self Help For Your Nerves which is a book written by Dr. Claire Weekes. I really recommend this book it was the only thing that gave me any hope and really did show me how to deal with panic and anxiety.

I do know what you are going through I have been there, I hope things improve for you soon.

Carol

[MOJO]

Superted, I know how you feel. My life has just disintegrated into nothing like the life I had before all this started. I do still manage to go out but the panic before and while i'm out is awful. I feel awful at home too...not just outside.
I do take half a seroquel at night from the doctors and it does calm me and help me sleep at least for a few hours. It wasn't hard to get used to and after taking it is the only time in the day when I feel better. I hate meds too and am having help from my psychiatric nurse. Unfortunately I hadn't seen her for 4 weeks until yesterday and I think I got worse during that time.(she was sick, then on holiday).
It really does help though, reading how the other posters have got through this. It gives me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.x

[claire m]

hi superted, im sorry things are really tough for you right now.
i have been suffering with anxiety and deprssion since for about 15 years, but in them 15years it hasnt all been bad and at times i have made great recoveries only to fall back into old feelings, usually they lift after a month or so but recently it has all snowballed since christmas and i have found myself really struggling.
I have 2 children who rely on me as my husband works away alot and i find it difficult but they give me the routine i need as if not i would just lie in bed all day avoiding everything and everyone.
i am currently on my 4th different antidepressant as i have trouble finding one that suits me physically.
I panic about everything and also have periods of real lows and massive highs so my poor husband never knows what to expect.
I think the cbt will be a massive benefit to you and will give you the life skills needed to deal with your anxiety and panic.
At the moment i am having feelings of being very exposed when outside and it makes me panic i feel dizzy and even though people are talking to me i feel im just not there.
im in chat quite abit and if ever you want to talk just pm me i dont mind and find it quite nice to talk to others.:hugs: