Valka
02-05-09, 01:42
Hello guys,
I just wanted to say a massive THANK YOU to the people who put up this forum and those of you who post here. I've recently had a massive relapse with my health anxiety + panic disorder and it's been so reassuring to be able to come here and read about other people's experiences. The vicious circle that is health anxiety means that even though I know what I have is caused by anxiety, I still constantly doubt it. I've been getting better over the past couple of weeks, having started Cipralex again (I've been on it twice in the past and it worked really well so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll work this time as well), but felt myself sliding into anxiety again today (probably since I've just increased my dose, my doctor wants to do it very carefully because I had a massive panic attack when I started the meds) and it's really helped to come on the forum tonight.
Just to introduce myself properly, I'm a 28 year old girl ("woman" just doesn't sound right, does it?) and I've probably had health anxiety since I was maybe 10 or 11, although it didn't lead to full-blown panic until I was 19, living very far away from home and became obsessed with HIV after stupidly having some unprotected sex with a random guy. This lead to my first panic attack - which came out of the blue, as they tend to do, when I was doing nothing in particular and wasn't thinking about my health at all. Obviously I had no idea what was going on and just thought I was dying. My pattern seems to always be the same: I'll have a massive build-up of anxiety over some weeks which focuses on my health, then the constant underlying stress will result in severe anxiety, manifested through physical symptoms which scare me even more, as well as panic attacks. I sort of diagnosed myself in 2002, when I found out about anxiety disorder and it felt amazing that there was actually a real, tangible condition behind all the "weirdness". I saw a psychiatrist that year who confirmed my thoughts, although at that point it was thought to be general anxiety disorder; I don't think I was even aware that there was a specific health anxiety disorder. I managed to cope with it alright for a few years, but in 2005 things got really bad and I got to a point where I was totally obsessed with my body and could hardly move for waves of panic. I started taking Cipralex and after about 10 days I suddenly woke up feeling like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I was on it for a year, came off pretty easily and was okay for 6 months until I started getting horrible physical symptoms again (not being able to swallow/breathe, anyone?). I then took Cipralex for a year again, and this time managed to stay off for 9 months before it all went downhill. I convinced myself I had lymphoma and/or a heart condition, started getting dizzy and weak and numb, and the rest is history.
At the moment, I'm feeling quite positive despite having had a rotten month or so. There's still a lot of pressure in my head, my ears pop and I get a bit dizzy but I seem to remember that happening the first time I took the Cipralex, so I'm hoping it'll pass when I've been on the meds for a while. Luckily I've never felt embarrassed about any of this so I can talk freely of it with my friends and family, many of whom have had issues with anxiety/depression/OCD. I've realized, though, that people who've never gone through any of this can't really understand what it's all about - they tend to think anxiety is "being worried about something" and if they've never had a panic attack then, good grief, I can't blame them for not understanding the concept. That's why I'm so indescribably glad I found this forum.
Anyways - just wanted to thank you for keeping me sane (well, more or less!). Writing all this has been quite cathartic, sorry it's so long. Now that I've created an account I'll try and post on here instead of just lurking. :noangel:
I just wanted to say a massive THANK YOU to the people who put up this forum and those of you who post here. I've recently had a massive relapse with my health anxiety + panic disorder and it's been so reassuring to be able to come here and read about other people's experiences. The vicious circle that is health anxiety means that even though I know what I have is caused by anxiety, I still constantly doubt it. I've been getting better over the past couple of weeks, having started Cipralex again (I've been on it twice in the past and it worked really well so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll work this time as well), but felt myself sliding into anxiety again today (probably since I've just increased my dose, my doctor wants to do it very carefully because I had a massive panic attack when I started the meds) and it's really helped to come on the forum tonight.
Just to introduce myself properly, I'm a 28 year old girl ("woman" just doesn't sound right, does it?) and I've probably had health anxiety since I was maybe 10 or 11, although it didn't lead to full-blown panic until I was 19, living very far away from home and became obsessed with HIV after stupidly having some unprotected sex with a random guy. This lead to my first panic attack - which came out of the blue, as they tend to do, when I was doing nothing in particular and wasn't thinking about my health at all. Obviously I had no idea what was going on and just thought I was dying. My pattern seems to always be the same: I'll have a massive build-up of anxiety over some weeks which focuses on my health, then the constant underlying stress will result in severe anxiety, manifested through physical symptoms which scare me even more, as well as panic attacks. I sort of diagnosed myself in 2002, when I found out about anxiety disorder and it felt amazing that there was actually a real, tangible condition behind all the "weirdness". I saw a psychiatrist that year who confirmed my thoughts, although at that point it was thought to be general anxiety disorder; I don't think I was even aware that there was a specific health anxiety disorder. I managed to cope with it alright for a few years, but in 2005 things got really bad and I got to a point where I was totally obsessed with my body and could hardly move for waves of panic. I started taking Cipralex and after about 10 days I suddenly woke up feeling like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I was on it for a year, came off pretty easily and was okay for 6 months until I started getting horrible physical symptoms again (not being able to swallow/breathe, anyone?). I then took Cipralex for a year again, and this time managed to stay off for 9 months before it all went downhill. I convinced myself I had lymphoma and/or a heart condition, started getting dizzy and weak and numb, and the rest is history.
At the moment, I'm feeling quite positive despite having had a rotten month or so. There's still a lot of pressure in my head, my ears pop and I get a bit dizzy but I seem to remember that happening the first time I took the Cipralex, so I'm hoping it'll pass when I've been on the meds for a while. Luckily I've never felt embarrassed about any of this so I can talk freely of it with my friends and family, many of whom have had issues with anxiety/depression/OCD. I've realized, though, that people who've never gone through any of this can't really understand what it's all about - they tend to think anxiety is "being worried about something" and if they've never had a panic attack then, good grief, I can't blame them for not understanding the concept. That's why I'm so indescribably glad I found this forum.
Anyways - just wanted to thank you for keeping me sane (well, more or less!). Writing all this has been quite cathartic, sorry it's so long. Now that I've created an account I'll try and post on here instead of just lurking. :noangel: