Phobia of being close to a person? [Archive]

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hoji

04-05-09, 17:47

Is it possible to have a phobia of being in close proximity to another person?

You see, holding hands does not bother me, especially when I am the one giving the hand shake. But when anyone stands too close to me, I feel that I want to literally cry and at the same time probably break an arm or two...

Please do not judge me for crying, I cannot control myself when I do. That is one thing I want to find out how to control.

I cannot continue to feel this way because I know this is stemming from my childhood when my dad used to beat my sister and mother as well as myself when he felt he wasn't in control of a situation. I've been harboring that fear of people ever since. I want to ask anyone if they have experienced anything like this before.

I want to start dating, for the love of all that is right, I'm 24 and have never even had a kiss because I cannot get close to another person (physically). I have to play off this rage as being weak in the knees. I've even gone as far as to sit on the ground when my own brother-in-law was trying to get me to grab a girl's attention. I certainly did just that.

Hugs are okay, but only for a couple seconds. Otherwise, I will force the person off of me. I cannot control myself when I do. Even with family, I get an overwhelming feeling that I have to push them off of me or start hitting them. I've never started fights, never been in one, but if I continue to repress this, I am afraid that I will unwillingly hurt another person.

What should I do?!!

name

04-05-09, 18:08

hoji

06-05-09, 02:13

Hi Hoji

I dont have the same fear as u but i just wanted to let u no someone was listening. Have u ever tried sitting down with a councelor or therapist and telling them about how u feel towards this maybe they cud help u. Its obvious this comes from ur past as u say and im sorry u had to experience the abuse u have experienced. U deserve to meet someone so please dont let this hold u bk any longer and ask for some help for it im sure u wont be the first person to have this phobia even though u may well think u are Best of luck hun and please ask for some help dont put this part of ur life on hold any longer

Name :hugs: x

Thank you for the insight, Name. I've gone outside (into the public :blush: ) and have begun to open up. I was afraid of taking action in fear of embarassing myself. I found that was a childhood trait that I had to get over (not saying that is exactly what anyone else might be experiencing... not implying that at all). It was through a massive combination of meditation, faith, med changes, specific music selection, and most importantly facing my fears of being out in public... and reading what you and others have suggested, I have become more confident and more relaxed all around.

All that I can wish is that anyone else with this same trouble can find such an outlet for their troubles. And so with a warming heart and a growing one at that... just say to yourself, "Nobody is there to judge, only to help."

Yes yes, though easier said than done to trust... I know now sometimes trust is all it takes.

I've started trusting my family for seemingly the first time in my life, and they do not seem to see me for the introverted person that I once was.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP! I CAN'T EXPRESS THIS ENOUGH!!
:bighug1:

hoji

06-05-09, 14:16

Update:

It does seem though I am now able to be more open around others, there is still one big thing that plagues me: the fear of being face-to-face. After replying (above) I tried something out with my roomate. When ever I was the one to initiate a handshake or any kind of touch, I was fine, but when my roomate tried to touch me or get in my face, I would start trembling without control. I've asked for my family to start standing very close to me when they hold conversations, maybe this "exposure" type therapy is all I need to subdue that fearful demon inside me.

I'll be trying to not back away from a person when I feel scared. Aparently I don't show it in my face, but my hands say otherwise. I tense up, stop moving, and start trembling while acting like nothing is wrong. This is the source of what has been causing my anxiety lately.

I've begun to notice: when I get scared about anything, I do not relax afterwards. Heartbeats, animated or real hearts beating, clowns, close proximity to others, massive amounts of water or heavy rain, and heights scare me so bad that I can't run far enough away. I'm going to be trying to relax and let go of this feeling before it turns into more anxiety. Trust me, I am scared of hearts and water so much that I can imagine what a panic attack feels like, though I've not had one yet.

name

09-05-09, 20:51

Hoji

U seem to be doing really well although you mite not relise this. So happy that you are trying to overcome this I have the fear of coming face to face with people but its because i feel trapped and pressured i think this is different to what u face but i still no how strong fear can be Keep up the gud work and wud love to hear again how u are doing Name :hugs:

hoji

16-06-09, 13:49

Many of my family members have been working with me one-on-one with this issue recently. They have been putting me through a strict regiment (of sorts) of standing close to me, usually within what most would call their comfort zone, which seems to be working actually. Being in close proximity to other people has not only helped with my anxiety, but has also allowed me to open up and become more expressive of what is on my mind. Similarly, the thoughts that would spew out from me normally, they have been replaced by general conversation. I've felt part of the group for the first time in my life, not alone anymore. No amount of faith could compensate for this, though it was a key factor in opening up. There is still the problem of being in large crowds... but that will come in due time.
:noangel:

Thanks for the help everyone! I'll start a new post later for the crowd issue when it is underway.