cant do this no more

[emma30982]

Have writen a few posts on here and the site is amazing, looking back though my own posts i don't seem to be getting better. i am under the acute care team who r trying hard with me and im due to start my new med this evening but i feel if sometging dont help me soon im going to just give up. i have really tried and been very ill but nothing seems to be working. im 26 and left my partner and children in australia to returnn home and try and get better, i really love my kids but just cant left this sense of doom i have over me all the time. i always have some pysical symtom and cry alot i live back at home with my mum dad and brothers who r all really trying hard with me i feel im letting them all down. i think if i was not here how hard it would be for everyone but this life well ani't really a life at all. my partner wants to come home soon with my children but i dont want them to see me like this thats why i left in the first place. i miss them so bad but there better of without me while im like this. i just want it to go i panic every morning and feel druged up all day. i dont think i am going to be able to get myself better. i just so sick of it all it dont matter how much i talk to people nothing seems to help people keep saying it takes time but i just cant cope. i get up and dressed and go out but never seems to help either. people say dont put all your hope in meds but at this point its all i have. i know some people will se this as selfish as i have two beautiful children but you cant explain it unless someone feels the same way.
thanks for reading

[gtrgrl3369]

I did feel the same as you last year. I gave up and went into the hospital for help. I know the feeling of impending doom so bad it never lets up. Of feeling like this is it and everyone would be better off without you. I know that black wave that comes over you and feels like you are going to drown it is so heavy. You have heard it before, it is going to get better. Time is what heals. I didnt leave my room for 6 months. No matter what else is happening get out of bed at least once a day and do something, anything, even if it is just a shower. Journal what you are feeling. It helps. Getting fresh air everyday if only for a minute does a world of good. You can do this. You have a family that cares and will help. I will help. Have someone get some books on depression to read, I read autobiographies. Knowing that someone famous had this and how they got through it helped. It hurts and I know where you are at. Take it one day at a time and no more. Please let me know what I can do to help. Sometimes just talking to someone who has been there helps. Much love to you...:hugs:

[PinkAngel]

Sorry to read what you wrote - It explains exactly the way I feel on bad days - Reading it coming from someone else makes me see those thoughts from a different perspective. It's quite scary really.

You know when I feel so low the only thing that keeps me going is my child he is only 2 and I can't bare to think of him as growing up without a mother!

Don't know if this will help you at all but it always gives me something to think about:

Jade Goody lost her battle with cancer and left 2 youngs boys without a mother and for this no one had a choice. I know you are sick as am I but we do have the choice to battle on! So keep fighting!

xxx

[emma30982]

Thanks For Your Posts

[maz]

Emma, I feel for you, I understand that you feel selfish but you are not. You are unwell and are worried about the effects of your illness on others. We do that to ourselves and things get blacker. I also have two daughters and feel like that, Pink Angel is right when she says reading someone else describing feelings that they themselves feel does put a different slant on things.
Take the support from your family, if you were ill with a physical illness would you feel as guilty or selfish?
Gtrgrl your words touched me so much and helped me. Thank you
Hang on in there Emma
Love Maz x