tired rant

[maz]

Hi, I havent used the board for a long time. I am just so tired of being unwell. I am not even sure now whether or not I am just so used to it that I bring on the symptoms myself.

I am tired of feeling spongy, I am tired of feeling surreal, I am tired of being me. I want the old me (who I didn't like very much but is better than the now me) I feel ok for a while and then the spongy feeling comes and I am finding it increasingly more difficult to cope.

I want to sleep for a long time but no sleep comes. I have black bags under my eyes and look 20 years older than I am. I am scared that this is it for ever. I cannot cope. I hate crying. I want it all to stop. I bring everyone I know down, I put years on everyone I know. People are so kind but they dont understand that I just cannot pretend that I am positive. I cannot pull out of it. It upsets me more the effect I have on other people. I HATE the word fine....
I HATE the phrase you will feel better soon
I HATE ME
I am so so tired
So sorry about the rant
x

[maz]

Hi Tetley
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next Wednesday, she is really good, I have never experienced a good psychiatrist before her. I am also going to see a psychologist next Thursday to check out whether CBT might help. Very nervous about that, thanks for the reply
Maz