Cant face the wait!

[helen__w]

Hi

I posted yesterday that the doctor had referred me to the NHS for an endoscopy because I couldn't afford to go privately, but I have been freaking out today that my swallowing is getting worse and I worry if I wait another 2-3 months I will be a complete wreck! So I rang bupa and persuaded them to reinstate my appointment for tommorrow and got out my credit card, I feel sick knowing I am parting with that money but I had to weigh it up against my current state of mind and the fact I am just not living at the moment as I dont go anywhere or do anything cos I have no energy and I just sit in the house feeling sorry for mysel!

My plans are already ruined as it is too late to go to India and I worry I will miss the boat on jobs if I carry on the way that I am. I hope that they will reimburse my fees in India as that will pay for my endoscopy. I just cross my fingers that everything will be ok tom and that it is all just my imagination!

I know I am an idiot to part with all that money but I really feel like I am existing at the mo and not living! :(

Helen x

[tammyg]

Helen,

of course you are not an idiot, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. If it makes you feel better going tomorrow, then go. Waiting for something like that is really hard.

I hope it goes ok for you.

Take care

Tam x

[carlin]

Hi Helen,
Sorry you feel so bad right now, that is understandable, but, you are not an idiot, how can you be when all you are doing is the right things Ok it is costing money, but in the long run it will be well worth it, as you say, maybe you will be re-imbursed for your trip to India, and that will go towards it, if not, you will have to 'worry' about it after you have been told that all is well. I am sure everything will be ok tomorrow, and then you can start planning your next move, take care, good luck and keep in touch xxxx

[Piglet]

Hi Helen hun,

Not an idiot at all - you've got our support all the way - we all know how anticipatory anxiety feels.

Love Piglet:)

[mjh74]

Helen, you are NOT an idiot and I just about hit despair with my throat! If it hadn't been for these pills heaven knows what I'd have done! I was obsessing so badly that I almost couldn't bear actually HAVING a throat. The feeling of it whilst doing nothing was driving me insane. I can only just after 8 months hold a conversation again. I take it your speaking is ok? I just wanted to throw up every time I opened my mouth to speak :(.

I haven't had anyone look at mine other than a brief look down it in the beginning. I've decided now that if it had been anything bad, it would be a LOT worse. I have good days and I have bad days but the good are starting to outweight the bad.

At least you can look at it this way Helen, once you've had it checked out again, you can start to work on getting better knowing you aren't ill.
As for the money, well health is more important than money and as long as it isn't going to bankrupt you and is going to give YOU piece of mind, well that's the important part. As for the money for India, fingers crossed for you that you will get that back!

Keep on pluggin'!

Mark x

[helen__w]

Hi everyone thanks for your posts

Mark - I am glad you are having more good days than bad! You seem like you have a lot of will power that is helping you battle through this. I can hold a conversation but my throat aches afterwards!

I will let you know how it goes tom! I have read the endoscopy posts and feel ok about having it but I am nervous in case they do find something - oh well at least its not too long until I find out! They said I cant eat after 1am - at least thats something I know I can do! :D

Helen x

[mjh74]

Hi Helen,

My throat still aches after I've finished speaking and it does feel like I've "been through the wars" a bit but I just accept it as being one of the symptoms now.

I'm sure tomorrow will go well and then you'll be eating again before you know it, just you see!

Mark x

[seh1980]

I would have done the same as you Helen. Hope it goes ok!! :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[kate]

Helen,

You are definately not an idiot.

I would pay any amount of money for a pill or treatment that would rid me of this anxiety for good.

All good wishes for tomorrow.

Kate x

[helen__w]

It's nice to know that other people would do the same! Kate you are SO right about paying to help get rid of an anxiety!

I just wish tom would get here quicker because I am getting more and more nervous by the minute! I am taking my dad and have given him a couple of questions to ask afterwards in case I am a bit drowsy to remember!

Its really comforting to have the support of the people on here - thanks!

Helen x

[jill]

Hi Helen.

I can understand how you feel. My daughter suffered PA, anxiaty from the age of 3, she is now 12 and doing very well [^]
Although my GP and the NHS were doing all they could for me things were not going quick engough. So I went through Bupa
She had a endoscopy to.
You are NOT an idiot. You want some answers and you want them now,
we can all understand that Helen.
Hope everythings goes ok tommorw.

THINKING OF YOU

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX

[helen__w]

Thanks for the kind words Jill

I'm glad your daughter is doing well now!

I know exactly what you are saying about the NHS - I cant fault what they have done for me so far but I just need to know sooner so I can deal with it whether there is a problem or if it is a psychological.

I will let you know how it goes!

Helen x

[Piglet]

Good luck Helen - Is it today?????

Love Piglet x