hoppipolla
08-05-09, 18:35
Weeeell here I am sitting here listening to Hadouken! who are an awesome band buuuut guess what I can't actually go and see them or go down to any of the clubs here in Canterbury or like, mosh and skank and go crazy like I wanna because (i sure some people know this ._. ) I massively messed my ears up through years of gigs and stuff..
and it sucks.. it sucks because I'm not old enough to be growing out of this or at least I don't feel it... but then I guess I did feel like I was growing out of it before anxiety kicked in and was the reason I dropped out of Uni... ugh lol
Is it bad when you just don't understand your own head? I do need to do some growing up again, but yeah stuff like my ears makes my self confidence very low ._.
I dunno why I'm posting really.. just to get it out, I was feeling majorly down at work today as well because I really don't like where I work and I feel so trapped and put down by silly people who don't have the first clue about life but seem very eager to preach to me about how to live mine :(
*curls up and dies ._.*
I need cuddles and I need to progress my life somewhere and I need to work out life after heavy music and parties lol
What's really harsh is when you KNOW you're not sad, you KNOW you're not weak and you KNOW you're not the way a lot of people say you are, but you now feel completely incapable of showing it ._.
Starting either later today or tomorrow I'm going to get hunting for a job in a field I care about and start forming some kind of little life for myself, I need to :)
There are plenty more things I can live for but.. it almost makes me cry when I think how much I wanna be going to loud parties and gigs still ._. I brought this on myself.
Mike ._.
and it sucks.. it sucks because I'm not old enough to be growing out of this or at least I don't feel it... but then I guess I did feel like I was growing out of it before anxiety kicked in and was the reason I dropped out of Uni... ugh lol
Is it bad when you just don't understand your own head? I do need to do some growing up again, but yeah stuff like my ears makes my self confidence very low ._.
I dunno why I'm posting really.. just to get it out, I was feeling majorly down at work today as well because I really don't like where I work and I feel so trapped and put down by silly people who don't have the first clue about life but seem very eager to preach to me about how to live mine :(
*curls up and dies ._.*
I need cuddles and I need to progress my life somewhere and I need to work out life after heavy music and parties lol
What's really harsh is when you KNOW you're not sad, you KNOW you're not weak and you KNOW you're not the way a lot of people say you are, but you now feel completely incapable of showing it ._.
Starting either later today or tomorrow I'm going to get hunting for a job in a field I care about and start forming some kind of little life for myself, I need to :)
There are plenty more things I can live for but.. it almost makes me cry when I think how much I wanna be going to loud parties and gigs still ._. I brought this on myself.
Mike ._.