NJAM
09-05-09, 00:24
Yes, that's definitely what I think I have:weep: I posted in the introduction section, but here goes...
I've always been a worrier. I think I had OCD when I was child (fear of germs, chronic hand washing, etc) and have a family history of depression. My father died of lung cancer 3 years ago, and in March my mother passed away very unexpectedly from an aneurysm.
I'd been having some abdominal pain (beginning in Feb) that was diagnosed as a virus. It returned in late March and I started to become quite anxious about it. I've had tons of blood work (all normal except that it appears I am either prediabetic or diabetic), and an ultrasound which was normal. I'm having a CT scan next week, although the abdominal pain seems to have mostly disappeared.
What hasn't disappeared, though, is the anxiety. I've googled myself into pancreatic cancer, bowel cancer, and having limbs cut off due to diabetes. I have good days and good moments but the bad ones are very, very bad. I do have ativan which I use on occasion and I have begun seeing a counsellor but I feel like I'm losing my mind.
My main fear isn't really of death but of leaving my 9-year old daughter:weep: I know this is all wrapped in the loss of my own mom, but it's like I suddenly realized I could die and wouldn't be there for my child, you know?
Finding this site was amazing - I've been reading and knowing that others feel like me is incredible. Oh, and when I'm not worried about pancreatic cancer and diabetes I'm poking at my neck constantly and worrying about a slightly enlarged lymph node that hasn't changed in two years or the "tiny insignificant node" found in my thyroid by ultrasound last year).
Does HA ever really go away? Or will I feel like this forever?
I've always been a worrier. I think I had OCD when I was child (fear of germs, chronic hand washing, etc) and have a family history of depression. My father died of lung cancer 3 years ago, and in March my mother passed away very unexpectedly from an aneurysm.
I'd been having some abdominal pain (beginning in Feb) that was diagnosed as a virus. It returned in late March and I started to become quite anxious about it. I've had tons of blood work (all normal except that it appears I am either prediabetic or diabetic), and an ultrasound which was normal. I'm having a CT scan next week, although the abdominal pain seems to have mostly disappeared.
What hasn't disappeared, though, is the anxiety. I've googled myself into pancreatic cancer, bowel cancer, and having limbs cut off due to diabetes. I have good days and good moments but the bad ones are very, very bad. I do have ativan which I use on occasion and I have begun seeing a counsellor but I feel like I'm losing my mind.
My main fear isn't really of death but of leaving my 9-year old daughter:weep: I know this is all wrapped in the loss of my own mom, but it's like I suddenly realized I could die and wouldn't be there for my child, you know?
Finding this site was amazing - I've been reading and knowing that others feel like me is incredible. Oh, and when I'm not worried about pancreatic cancer and diabetes I'm poking at my neck constantly and worrying about a slightly enlarged lymph node that hasn't changed in two years or the "tiny insignificant node" found in my thyroid by ultrasound last year).
Does HA ever really go away? Or will I feel like this forever?