hating myself

[SarahP]

Ugh, things are pretty rubbish at the moment. I slept badly last night and had a massive row with my mum this morning. I've been hitting myself as I get so cross with myself and just feel like an awful person.

I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or to be able to relax and enjoy myself. I don't feel like this all the time, as recently I've been having really good days when I've felt better about myself. But I've been low about myself for months, and it's so difficult to break that habit.

I feel so trapped- in my anxiety, in my own head, and in my situation. I just want what I always want when I feel like this- to escape and start over.

Sorry, just need to vent :)

[Oceanblue]

When feeling this way, I really do think it's good to talk openly about it, because it helps us to release these horrible built up feelings and anger about ourselves. So don't feel guilty for wanted to vent.

I don't particular like myself very much either, especially after falling ill again. Have you been self harming for long? I have always had a problem with self harm and am usually pretty self destructive, epecially when feeling very unwell.

Sometimes, when very sick, I can become out of control and I hate myself for it, but I can't help but do these things when I'm feeling this way.

All sharp objects have been taken from inside our home. Of course it isn't hard to think of other ways, but it's a distraction to have to look out for something else and hopefully by this time, I would have got over the thoughts of anger towards myself. It's really hard though.

For distraction I have to crush ice and also wear bands around my wrists. The nurse suggested these to me and they can work.

Have you spoken to your pdoc about this, they're usually quite helpful and have a good understanding as to why people do it, it's actually fairly common.

I hope you feel better today. xx

[SarahP]

I tend to only really do it when I'm feeling particularly low, but for me it's hitting myself round the head, slapping my face or biting my arm. I know it sounds weird. I've been doing it for nearly two years when I've had bad patches. I just find it makes me feel better, almost like I'm doing something constructive rather than just sitting crying. Although again, I know that sounds weird.

My mum knows I used to do it, but she didn't realise I still did. She saw me this morning and that's how the row started. I've told doctors and mental health workers but they just seem to shrug it off, and no one has ever talked to me properly about it or why I do it.

I'm seeing a new counsellor but I always forget to mention it, as I seem to be able to put it from my mind when I'm feeling a bit more positive. My mum's told me to make sure I say something to her next week.

Thanks for your post Katie, and for the support :)

[Oceanblue]

I tend to only really do it when I'm feeling particularly low, but for me it's hitting myself round the head, slapping my face or biting my arm. I know it sounds weird. I've been doing it for nearly two years when I've had bad patches. I just find it makes me feel better, almost like I'm doing something constructive rather than just sitting crying. Although again, I know that sounds weird.


This doesn't sound weird. I've known people to do this too and also for you to explain 'that it makes you feel better, because it's almost like doing something constructive rather than just sitting crying' this makes sense too.

This doesn't sound weird, although your self harm is different to my own, I can fully understand what you've written, and it's also good that you can understand yourself. Some people don't really know why they do it, so you're on the road in working things out and getting better.

Do you have a CPN ? Because they are usually quite understanding and will and help you find healthier ways in venting your anger. I'm not sure if this kind of thing is beyond general counsellors work, unless of course they have dealt with these things before, or they have been through this themselves.

Are you with the MHT ? If not, ask your GP to refer you, somebody should be able to help if you feel you're unable to get through this on your own.

Good luck with the counselling sessions anyway. xx

[SarahP]

What's a CPN? The NHS were rubbish at referring me to anyone so I've had to go with a private counsellor. It took ages for my GAD to be diagnosed and right now I feel like it's all come too late.

I keep having thoughts about how best to harm myself. I don't want to die, but I feel like if I hurt myself physically someone might take me seriously and put me somewhere safe and away from people.

Feel like I'm going mad, when two days ago I would never have thought I could feel like this again :weep:

[Oceanblue]

What's a CPN? The NHS were rubbish at referring me to anyone so I've had to go with a private counsellor. It took ages for my GAD to be diagnosed and right now I feel like it's all come too late.

I keep having thoughts about how best to harm myself. I don't want to die, but I feel like if I hurt myself physically someone might take me seriously and put me somewhere safe and away from people.

Feel like I'm going mad, when two days ago I would never have thought I could feel like this again :weep:

A CPN is a Community Psychiatric Nurse. You could be referred by your GP to the Local Mental Health Team.

Have you asked your doctor to refer you to a Psychiatrist ? He/she will then help you find the right help and pass you over to the Health Team, whilst the Psychiatrist will help with your medications.

It's horrible feeling so sick, I know, .. I'm really so inpatient, the worst patient ever ! I want to get better now and can't stand waiting around for things to pass.