mothermac
14-05-09, 02:02
Posted a few weeks ago regarding how I was feeling about things,and not knowing if I am a victim of P.T.S.D.
My father died when I was 11 and I am now 42 yrs old with my own daughter and I am going through some form of acute anxiety which I think could be linked but I don't know for sure.When the initial event happened I was upset of course, but I remember being more frightened of how it was affecting my mother and what she was going through than how I was feeling.I am an only child and have always felt quite introvert and nervy even when he was alive.Anyway to cut a long long story short so I don't bore folk the yrs have gone passed and I have coped with life normally,have had normal things happen to me and have been married for the past 16 yrs and have a 6 yr old daughter who I love so much,BUT,and here is where it gets ugly,I have this terrible fear that eats away inside of me that something will happen to my husband and me and my little one will have to live in this world without him.He is a business manager and drives most days and the fear I feel when I know he is in that car is taking over my life.When he travels to his head office which is only half an hr up the rd I feel quite ill and will do anything to stop him going,I don't of course but I feel as though I am dying inside and suffer awful physical symptoms.I phone him(on hands free of course) which drives him mad and have a terrible time hiding it from my daughter.
Getting back to my father,I tend to cry now when I have to talk about him,and the death and everything connected to it is on my mind most days(and nights)I do not sleep at all well(he died in his sleep by the way)and suffer awful dreams sometimes connected to that event,for example I dreamt the other night that I ws queuing up to look inside his coffin,it was horrendous.At the time of his death nobody was allowed to view the body as he died abroad in a hot country whilst working and by the time he arived back in England it had been 2 weeks,I was not allowed to go the funeral either as my mother was so bad. I get very emotional when I visit the cemetary and feel quite sick inside which I cannot undertand as I have been many many times in the past 30 yrs and have not felt as bad as this.I cannot understand why I am feeling this now as way back in 1978 when it happened I wasn't too bad.I just want to talk to somebody as to how I am feeling and if this could be ptsd,my husband thinks I am an ideal candidate for it but wouldn't I have been like this when he died?and why is it affecting me now?. I feel so confused.
My father died when I was 11 and I am now 42 yrs old with my own daughter and I am going through some form of acute anxiety which I think could be linked but I don't know for sure.When the initial event happened I was upset of course, but I remember being more frightened of how it was affecting my mother and what she was going through than how I was feeling.I am an only child and have always felt quite introvert and nervy even when he was alive.Anyway to cut a long long story short so I don't bore folk the yrs have gone passed and I have coped with life normally,have had normal things happen to me and have been married for the past 16 yrs and have a 6 yr old daughter who I love so much,BUT,and here is where it gets ugly,I have this terrible fear that eats away inside of me that something will happen to my husband and me and my little one will have to live in this world without him.He is a business manager and drives most days and the fear I feel when I know he is in that car is taking over my life.When he travels to his head office which is only half an hr up the rd I feel quite ill and will do anything to stop him going,I don't of course but I feel as though I am dying inside and suffer awful physical symptoms.I phone him(on hands free of course) which drives him mad and have a terrible time hiding it from my daughter.
Getting back to my father,I tend to cry now when I have to talk about him,and the death and everything connected to it is on my mind most days(and nights)I do not sleep at all well(he died in his sleep by the way)and suffer awful dreams sometimes connected to that event,for example I dreamt the other night that I ws queuing up to look inside his coffin,it was horrendous.At the time of his death nobody was allowed to view the body as he died abroad in a hot country whilst working and by the time he arived back in England it had been 2 weeks,I was not allowed to go the funeral either as my mother was so bad. I get very emotional when I visit the cemetary and feel quite sick inside which I cannot undertand as I have been many many times in the past 30 yrs and have not felt as bad as this.I cannot understand why I am feeling this now as way back in 1978 when it happened I wasn't too bad.I just want to talk to somebody as to how I am feeling and if this could be ptsd,my husband thinks I am an ideal candidate for it but wouldn't I have been like this when he died?and why is it affecting me now?. I feel so confused.