looby
26-08-05, 02:21
hi all,
feeling a bit low at the moment, but I am trying to convince myself that I'm just i'm feelng sorry for myself cos I've got a cold.
I did try to chat in the chat room, but didn't really get what was going on, so felt as if i was intruding.
Anyway, firstly about 3 weeks ago, I found out 1 of my best friends has got a tumour on her brain, liver and lungs after being given the all clear last year after having breast cancer.
She is only 33 and I am so scared for her and scared of loosing(? - can't spell that word sorry!) her.
She is really ill, and I have never seen her so ill before, cos when she had the breast cancer she looked and acted fine, but now she is getting all confused and is constantly wanting to sleep and isn't herself at all.
She has a little boy and she has told me that she will never se him grow up, and i don't know what to say to her at all.
I have tried acting as if I am ok, but I just can't stop thinking about her dying. I know it is going to be sooner rather than later, and I think people think i should just carry on as normal, but i am finding it hard.
I went to a wedding last week and i couldn't even enjoy myself, even though my anxiety is under control (at the moment anyway!) I just couldn't stop thinking about her dying and i was at a wedding reception. I ended up bursting into tears when they mentioned having kids and looking forward being together forever, and all i could think about was my best friend dying!
i just don't know how to act around her, or how to feel when i'm not with her. everytime the phone rings or when my other friends ring my mobile, i am terrified of it being someone telling me that she's dead.
And then there was a huge row with my brother in law and my sister (not the one whos married to him), and i have been made to act like the united nations trying to difuse the situation, going between one sister then to another and then back again and then to my mum and then to my dad, but i can't cope with it all at all. i have just told my family that my head is too much up my backside at the mo to cope with all this pathetic arguing!
If anyone has been through a similar experience i would love some advice please.
for all those who have been bored to tears, it's ok you can all wake up now it's over.
Thanks for reading,
love
looby
xx
feeling a bit low at the moment, but I am trying to convince myself that I'm just i'm feelng sorry for myself cos I've got a cold.
I did try to chat in the chat room, but didn't really get what was going on, so felt as if i was intruding.
Anyway, firstly about 3 weeks ago, I found out 1 of my best friends has got a tumour on her brain, liver and lungs after being given the all clear last year after having breast cancer.
She is only 33 and I am so scared for her and scared of loosing(? - can't spell that word sorry!) her.
She is really ill, and I have never seen her so ill before, cos when she had the breast cancer she looked and acted fine, but now she is getting all confused and is constantly wanting to sleep and isn't herself at all.
She has a little boy and she has told me that she will never se him grow up, and i don't know what to say to her at all.
I have tried acting as if I am ok, but I just can't stop thinking about her dying. I know it is going to be sooner rather than later, and I think people think i should just carry on as normal, but i am finding it hard.
I went to a wedding last week and i couldn't even enjoy myself, even though my anxiety is under control (at the moment anyway!) I just couldn't stop thinking about her dying and i was at a wedding reception. I ended up bursting into tears when they mentioned having kids and looking forward being together forever, and all i could think about was my best friend dying!
i just don't know how to act around her, or how to feel when i'm not with her. everytime the phone rings or when my other friends ring my mobile, i am terrified of it being someone telling me that she's dead.
And then there was a huge row with my brother in law and my sister (not the one whos married to him), and i have been made to act like the united nations trying to difuse the situation, going between one sister then to another and then back again and then to my mum and then to my dad, but i can't cope with it all at all. i have just told my family that my head is too much up my backside at the mo to cope with all this pathetic arguing!
If anyone has been through a similar experience i would love some advice please.
for all those who have been bored to tears, it's ok you can all wake up now it's over.
Thanks for reading,
love
looby
xx