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Kinkajou
26-08-05, 15:11
Hi folks (apols for long post)

I just tried the online chat and I will definitely come back in the evenings.

I would like to see what people think about my current situation just so I can the viewpoints of people who might have gone through the same thing, rather than the "pull yourself together" brigade.

I am trying to decide if am well enough to return to work. I suppose I don't think I am, but I am getting worried about taking extended sick leave and getting fired etc.

On the day I went off sick, I was just sitting at my desk weeping while everyone around kind of ignored me uncomfortably. I do dread going back to that environment.

Due to my depression/anxiety (the most recent bout of which was due my having been bullied by my manager - I changed teams to avoid this person) I transferred to an admin role in the same company taking at least a £12000 salary cut. My previous role in the company was as a professional. The reason for this was because my illness was preventing me from carrying out my previous job (I could not interview clients or attend meetings due to panic attacks). Instead of going off on long term sick I felt it was wring to keep getting paid for being off work, felt guilty etc and pressure was being put on me from above. My GP wrote to work saying I could cope with lighter duties. They said they could offer a secondment on health grounds, with a return to my original post when I was better. This then over a very stressful few weeks turned into a 6 month temporary contract in an admin role with no guarantee of my old job back. I was afraid of being left with no job at the end of the 6 months so I agreed to move into the admin role on a permanent basis. This was ostensibly on health grounds but now I see that this just so they could give me the admin role without advertising it. I moved into the new job with some relief at first (not having to worry about underperforming etc). Then over time I began to suffer from depression and anxiety and all the old symptoms returned. I didn't think it would bother me but essentially I was now acting as secretary or general dogsbody to people who had previously been my colleagues. Basically, my self esteem took a nose dive. I felt that I'd made the wrong decision as I was now suffering financial hardship due to the salary cut and not only that but all the old symptoms had come back with a vengeance.

At that point I began to feel suicidal. I had already decided that I would not OD on tablets as that could go wrong. I live near a main train line with a level crossing and had decided that would be my method - no messing about. I did realise that I was very unwell at this point and told my boyfriend who took me to my GP.

Things have improved, the suicidal impulse has diminished as I feel safer at home, but now I am worrying that they may try to sack me, and I hate having to see the GP and keep saying I am not ready to work as I feel guilty about it.

My boyfriend says that when I can eat and sleep properly, leave the house without panic attacks and reach the point where I could go to work without feeling overly bad about it other than the usual “I hate my crap job” feelings, then that is the time to go back. I still only leave the house when it's dark or when I have to go to my therapist or GP. My current date to return is in 1 week. I feel sick just thinking about it.

What are other people's experiences in this regard? I can't just resign (though I would love to) as I would not be able to cover my mortgage payments etc.

Kinkajou

Madwoman
26-08-05, 15:51
Hi Kinkajou,

I know a bit how you feel i was buillied at work and I had a terrible time i was permanently in tears I was demoted ended up as a dogsbody to former colleagues, i hated it , they tried all sorts to get me to leave of my own accord, they tried to sack me, gave me warnings the lot but i stuck it all

eventually they made me redundant and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. \they made me sign a form to say i wouldnt disclose anything i'd learnt about the company and i wouldnt try to do them for unfair dismissal. I DID BOTH got an extra £1K payout and I told the tax man and a few others a few home truths REVENGE IS MORE THAN SWEET.
love mads aka Trace xx

Kinkajou
27-08-05, 16:40
I want to get my self to a state of wellbeing where I CAN get a new job which is demanding and rewarding. It's just that I feel I have been treated not only with disrespect but that my company have failed in their duty of care to me. Although I've had tough times in the past, I don't think there is any doubt that a lot of my anxiety attacks and the current depression have mostly been as a result of my job. I don't think I made it clear in my post that my original job was in itself a pretty tough one ( dealing with people in crisis, people with mental health problems, victims of abuse and violence etc) and that we never any support from our employer (in other such organisations I had worked for before, it was a matter of course to get clinical or psychological supervisions) - one that seemed to have a shelf life of two years max before people moved on to things which were less draining. I did the job for five years before I began to suffer the work related anxiety. My counsellor has said that I was suffering from burn out. The company suffers high levels of staff sickness due to stress. The manager that bullied me recently had a complaint made against them by another employee which was upheld - I, along with others, never made a formal complaint because I did not want to put my head above the parapet. My situation took a turn for the worse last year when our old people-centred manager left and a new "stats and finance" man came in.

It's not that I feel the world owes me living - far from it. I guess I'm an idealist but I thought that if you were truly ill ( and for god's sake, depression is an illness) then people would want to help you. But I think there's still a lot of discrimination and stigma about it.

I don't want to "get them back" and there is one person there who actually really helped me so I'm not blinded to the good side of that company either.

My point is about what I should be doing now. Being on sick leave I feel bad because I know people have this very negative image of you if you're off with depression. On the other hand, due to me being in a brain fog half the time and a pit of despair the other, it just doesn't seem right that I should be making a decision about whether I should resign or not. The company has a sick policy where you get 12 months paid sick leave (not all on your full salary of course). My counsellor has suggested that its OK to be off sick when you are seriously depressed and that if the firm decide to dispense with me then let them take that decision. In the meantime, when I am well enough to work I can.

In fact the major reason why I don't just resign is that I do have some financial committments which are mine and not my partners. I don't feel I could load him with those responsibilities. I am still paying off loans from when I was a mature student. I only stuck the job out this long as I needed to carry on earning until end of 2006 to pay off all my debts. I had planned to take a career break to have kids then ( which now seems like an impossible dream - you? a mother? get real you idiot!) Don't get me wrong my partner is supportive but the debts are my responsibility.

God I am sorry for going on but I feel very desperate. I should go to the GP next week. I keep thinking about ending it all I am such a burden to everyone, a pathetic waste of space.

redbubble
28-08-05, 13:06
Hi Kinkajou,
Theres a great FREE service that can help with debts. At least that way you could get yourself together & not have to worry too much about the debts & having to stay in that job. If you want to pm me, i'll send you their web address. Ive been lucky and not really had to have any time off work due to my depression & i really cant begin to imagine what it would be like to have to take that time off. If you ever want to chat, please feel free to get in touch
Red x

Love Red x

"Life's a journey, not a destination"