angel_66
15-05-09, 19:56
Hi there
I only found out yesterday from another forum that your site existed and so I had a look around and decided today to join you. My name is Gill :)
My lovely mum passed away at the beginning of 2007 which affected me very badly although at the time I thought I coped fine. I had time off work for the funeral etc and felt ok to go back after 10 days or so. I was fine throughout that year getting on with everything as normal until the very last day when I suddenly became unwell and I collapsed. After the collapse I tried to get on as normal but I found that when walking between jobs my legs would go to jelly, I would get shortness of breath and my heart would be racing so I went to my doctor who seemed to think it was due to mum's passing but I thought it couldn't be as I was fine, why did it take near on 12 months to suddenly come on me?
I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't go out without hubby, everywhere I went it felt like the world was closing in on me. Just when I think yeah I'm ok today, I go out with hubby and we get so far when another panic attack would occur and so we would have to go back home here I felt safe so I could lie down and let it pass.
I was given Mirtazapine 15mg going up in the end to the max dose of 45mg and eventually I did start to feel that I could go back outside on my own so I went back to work. Things were fine until I had that one panic attack which was a bad one, worse than all of the others that I've had. I felt like collapsing once again and managed to get to a wall where I could rest and phone hubby to come and get me. I felt like people where staring at me while I was waiting for him it was horrible.
I have had counselling which was good, so good that I decided to come off my meds which brings me to the present day. I've gone back on them as I was beginning to have the PA's again when walking on my own. It got so bad this time round that I'm off work again and until this week I felt I couldn't be left alone in the house and I couldn't even go to the end of the path outside our home.
I'm now feeling a bit better. I'm now on Trazodone (75mg) as I lost weight when off the Mirtazapine and when I was put back on them I gained over 7lbs in one week so I asked for a change. These new meds are fine, am having no problem with side effects and am losing weight steadily. I still feel I can't go walking on my own like I did before though, I feel I will never be that same person again who was free to go about as she please, who could go walking for miles, who could use public transport without worrying about anything happening to her. Will I ever be the same again? In my head I think yes I can but thinking and doing are two very different things and I'm finding it hard to make that step once again.
I'm sorry for such a long post, didn't know how to condense it.
Thanks for reading, Gill xx
I only found out yesterday from another forum that your site existed and so I had a look around and decided today to join you. My name is Gill :)
My lovely mum passed away at the beginning of 2007 which affected me very badly although at the time I thought I coped fine. I had time off work for the funeral etc and felt ok to go back after 10 days or so. I was fine throughout that year getting on with everything as normal until the very last day when I suddenly became unwell and I collapsed. After the collapse I tried to get on as normal but I found that when walking between jobs my legs would go to jelly, I would get shortness of breath and my heart would be racing so I went to my doctor who seemed to think it was due to mum's passing but I thought it couldn't be as I was fine, why did it take near on 12 months to suddenly come on me?
I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't go out without hubby, everywhere I went it felt like the world was closing in on me. Just when I think yeah I'm ok today, I go out with hubby and we get so far when another panic attack would occur and so we would have to go back home here I felt safe so I could lie down and let it pass.
I was given Mirtazapine 15mg going up in the end to the max dose of 45mg and eventually I did start to feel that I could go back outside on my own so I went back to work. Things were fine until I had that one panic attack which was a bad one, worse than all of the others that I've had. I felt like collapsing once again and managed to get to a wall where I could rest and phone hubby to come and get me. I felt like people where staring at me while I was waiting for him it was horrible.
I have had counselling which was good, so good that I decided to come off my meds which brings me to the present day. I've gone back on them as I was beginning to have the PA's again when walking on my own. It got so bad this time round that I'm off work again and until this week I felt I couldn't be left alone in the house and I couldn't even go to the end of the path outside our home.
I'm now feeling a bit better. I'm now on Trazodone (75mg) as I lost weight when off the Mirtazapine and when I was put back on them I gained over 7lbs in one week so I asked for a change. These new meds are fine, am having no problem with side effects and am losing weight steadily. I still feel I can't go walking on my own like I did before though, I feel I will never be that same person again who was free to go about as she please, who could go walking for miles, who could use public transport without worrying about anything happening to her. Will I ever be the same again? In my head I think yes I can but thinking and doing are two very different things and I'm finding it hard to make that step once again.
I'm sorry for such a long post, didn't know how to condense it.
Thanks for reading, Gill xx