So scared

[SarahP]

Hi again, sorry for needing another vent, but posting on here seems to help me, and I guess if anyone else feels anything similar to me, then it helps us all know we're not alone!

I'm really scared at the moment as have made the decision to break up with my boyfriend this weekend. I can't do it yet as he's been working and I don't want to do it when he's stressed there.

Problem is, he's been the centre of my world for so long, and this anxiety episode has lasted months and months and he's pretty much been all I thought about, I'm scared of being cast adrift. I know that the fact I depend so much on him and have invested so much in him is proof that I need to spread my wings a bit on my own, but I'm petrified of what will happen. It's not that I wasn't happy with him when I didn't have the anxiety, but it seems to attach itself to him and I can panic over anything to do with him. I know that sounds crazy. So I feel I need to break the cycle by separating myself from him and going it alone for a while.

I'm so scared of doing that and it not working. It's like a part of me almost wants to keep on feeling miserable, which I don't understand at all. It's like I'm scared of feeling better! Does anyone else get this or am I the only one? I desperately want to be myself again, so why am I so scared? it should be straight forward but all I seem to do is throw obstacles in my own way.

ARGGGHHH.

Again, sorry to vent.

Sarah xxx

[SarahP]

Thanks for the support Tetley :)

He's home in an hour or so, so I'm going to ring him then. Nervous, but pretty sure it's the right thing to do.

I just feel like I'm stripping my life down at the moment and am a bit scared about having to build it up again, but at least then I can get it how I want it I guess!

Sarah xx:)

[lorac]

Sarah if you think it is the right thing to do then you should do it. There is no point staying with someone if it is not what you want and it sounds to me like you want to move forward with your life, it is only natural that you are going to have fears about it but sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant so we can move on and find better for ourselves.

Good luck with rebuilding your future and have fun doing it.

Carol x

[SarahP]

Thanks Carol.

I did it last night, and he was quite understanding about it. I felt calmer last night than I had done in ages, although this morning I am worrying about it a bit and am obviously sad.

It's weird as he's the person I've been closest to for two years, and who I've always bounced ideas off and always thought we were on the same page. I'm starting to wonder if we were pretty much always on his page though. Guess I'll have to find my own now!

Grr stupid anxiety is making me doubt everything now. Cue panic! Lol :shrug:

Suddenly the rest of my life seems very big and scary...