am i a bad mum ????

[bonnie1980]

Hello again yes i have another prob now i feel like i am letting my children down with the way i am. I dont do what i did befor like swimming, days at the beach, baking, messy play with the paints ect ect. Since having panic attacks and all the rest it has stoped me being the person i once was i just want to me again im lost and my children are with out me. I feel like one day somebody is going to come along and say you not a good mum where taken the children off you.
Please help i dont know what to do or what to think i have told the school how i am but thay say " We dont care about yoyr health as long as the children are ok" i get my babies to school on time and yes my fiend might have to get them at home time but i am still at the gate waitting i'v said i cant go into crowds and of how i am but they dont get it ( coz they have never been there) its driving me mad i cant sleep as i think this might be the last night i have with my babies please somebody tell me what might haappen or what i can do to be a better mummy
thank you xx

[london]

your ill not a bad mum dont ever think you are

[shaka]

hello bonnie
you are not a bad mother if you were you would;nt worry so much .Im sure you will soon do all the fun things agian with you children whrn you are feeling better. please try not to focus on the negative remarks that people make .when they don;t understand how you feel.You are a good and caring mother .sending my very best wishes
shaka x

[belle]

Hi. I think its too easy to start saying that we're bad parents. I do it ALL the time.

Unless you are phyiscally/mentally abusing your children then you're NOT a bad parent. Okay, so you'd like to do more, but bottom line is that you love your children and care for them. There are thousands of children who don't get any of that.

x

[MaddyMoo]

Hi

Just wanted to write a few words of encouragement! I have been in your situation at times I have been too poorly to look after my children properley, and when I say properly they still got fed they still got bathed and cared for mostly by me sometimes by mum or hubby. But basically I wasnt the usual super mum taking them everywere reading stories wlking the dog parks bikes beaches etc and the guilt was eating away at me!

But as I am getting better I realise that you know what I am doing my best every day for them and if I cant cope I ask for help from friends or family and anyway the kids dont even mostly notice! but anway now I am starting to slowly get better I have started to set my self goal with the children and feel good when I achieve them.

How about setting some minor goals and then trying to build on them? For example start of with some reading for a set amount of time say 10 mins for a week. Then build up to a game for 20 minutes. Then an evening of baking for 45 mins 1 night within the next week. Then a walk around the block with kids on their scooters or bikes within the next week. Have a think about what you can do with the children at the moment and just build on it a little every week.

I promise you that you are not a bad mum no way because if you were you would not be worrying about them like this. There are people out there abusing their kids, neglecting them or using drugs and not looking after them properly. They have a choice, you dont choose to suffer anxiety and panic. However you must make a choice to stay as you are or do everything in your power as a mum and a person to get better you do owe that to your kids. I have been were you were at I promise but as a felow caring mum just as you are my kids actualy dragged me through and your will too. You can get over this and through this for them I promise! Maddymoo xx

Let me know how you are:bighug1:

[eeyorelover]

I've raised 4 kids while dealing with panic/anxiety and I can tell you that none of them are worse for wear because they lived in a home with an anxious parent!
If anything they are far more appreciative of the time and energy that it took me to do the things I did for them while they were growing up.
My youngest is my daughter Megan who has decided that she is going to be a doctor.
She is independent, caring, and is on the honor roll, student council, and involved in sports.
I'm not bragging - well maybe a little ;) but I say this because I want to be clear that we - as mothers- are NOT failing our children!
If we can't go to a ballgame or take them to the zoo they aren't neglected or shortchanged because we do all we can for them and show them love and affection!
Children thrive in an environment where they know they are loved and cared for and we do that for our kids!

Don't shortchange yourself of the time you have with them by second guessing yourself as to whether or not you are a good mother.

The very fact that you ask the question in itself proves that you are a good mother.
A bad mother would never worry about this!

Just love your kids and enjoy the time you have them at home and are able to spend time with them :)
xxx
Sandy

[mau]

Bonnie, waiting at the school gates when you hate crowds is a daunting task. I hated doing it when my two were little.

I couldn't cope with the cliques and competitiveness between the mothers.

I know they say hindsight is a wonderful thing and at times it truly is. Some of the mothers who made me feel unworthy have in my opinion been shown to have been more concerned about outward appearances and failed their children big time!!!!!

Little un's want Mummy's who spend time with them, boosting their confidence, just being there and giggling and doing silly things. You don't have to be a master baker.

It's OK to be sad in front of your children, they're not going to judge you.

Is there any chance you could do the morning run with your kid's and another family and ask that Mum to do the afternoon pick up?
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs::hugs:

[bonnie1980]

Thank you for all your replys they have helped so much you will never know.
I dont have family where i live and all my "friends" have there own lives and plus i dont think they really understand what i am going through. So thank you again as i dont feel so alone and i am going to try a little of what you have all said.

thank you and big hugs to you all Bonnie xx