PDA

View Full Version : Hi everyone, I'm new here, I'm glad Ive found you



alibali
19-05-09, 01:45
Hi everyone,

My name is Alison, I'm 43 years of age. I have one grown up daughter who is 21 & a grandson who is 18mths old. That sounds lovely doesn't it? And it should be & it is...... except for me. I'm the fly in the ointment. I came upon this site by accident when googling citalopram which my doctor prescribed me & I have been taking for 2 weeks now. I was having really bad anxiety, constant bad feeling & panic attacks. Also feeling very depressed & worthless. I am also on 80mls daily of methadone because of addiction to heroin. Please don't judge me, as we all have paths in life & unfortunately this is the path I went down in my life.
I didn't have an easy childhood (who does?) there was abuse & alcoholism & violence & when I was fifteen I met a man???? who showed an interest in me, and I was so desperate to escape the (as I seen it then) horridness of my family life, I took up with him for what I thought was fun & adventure & relief from the drudgery. Unfortunately it wasn't long until this Prince Charming turned into a horrible big Toad & abuse, violence, fear, anxiety & control became a part of my everyday life. Somehow I couldn't escape & it was a full 9 years later that I finally managed to get away from him, although it wasn't until just before Christmas last year that I managed to get the courage to cut all ties with him completely & forever.
I was first sent to a psychiatrist by my parents when I was 14, I still don't know why to be honest, & I was first prescribed anti-deppressants when I was 15. I first attempted suicide at this age as well. Since then my life has been a very rocky road of prescription drugs, non prescription drugs, psychiatrists, psychologists, anxiety, depression, painfully low self esteem & a never ending search for validation outside of myself.
Very long story short, I'm currently on 80mls of methadone & 20mg of citalopram daily. I don't drink alcohol or take any other drugs, prescribed or otherwise. I see a cpn once weekly & am waiting to start with another psychologist, hopefully in the very near future.
As I said I came upon this site by chance when googling citalopram because of the variety of side effects I was having which were actually making my anxiety/panic worse & i found the thread I read very helpful(all the side effects I am having are mentioned by various members) so decided to join this forum & hopefully get support, help & advice from you. I don't feel alone anymore.
I'm sorry that this post is so long & I hope that it hasn't bored or offended anyone. As Ive said in my title. I'm glad Ive found you.
Alison.:)

fillyjonk
19-05-09, 14:53
Hi Alison,

Glad you found this site - there is so much information, sure you will find some help and others in similar situations. None of us are a position to judge you - so don't worry about that on top of everything else.

Best Wishes, Fillyjonk

freedom
19-05-09, 15:03
Hi, glad you found this site, i have been on here for a couple weeks, when i started citalopram, had them for 19 days now and are still making me feel crappy, apparently take 4-6 weeks to get into system properly. i'm only on 10mg at mo. the chat room is very good on here aswell, hope you join in that after 5 days. take care and we are all here for you. i'm 37 and have a little boy aged 3. xx

Veronica H
19-05-09, 15:29
:welcome: Alison. Sorry that you have been through so much. You will find comfort and support here.

Veronica

Dawnio87
19-05-09, 16:20
Hi Alison,

I am new on here too and you have nothing to worry about in way of judgement, everyone makes mistakes its what makes us human, its how you go about fixing them that matters and clearly you are a very brave person to stand up and admit yours and try to fix them, well done you. Everyone is very supportive and the best thing i have found is the comfort that im not alone, im not crazy, and there are others going through the same thing. Welcome to NMP, i wish you all the best

Take Care,
Dawn

alibali
19-05-09, 21:45
Thanks to everyone for all the replies & messages of support. Its a bit overwhelming to feel so welcome, so thankyou again. On the subject of the citalopram, today is the first day Ive felt a bit of relief from all the horrible side effects & a bit more like my old self. I'm so glad I stuck with them when I thought I couldn't stand any more. I have felt good all day today which has been great, but of course in the back of my mind I'm starting to worry that I shouldn't be feeling so good. Why can't I just enjoy it while I'm feeling it instead of worrying about losing it, not deserving it etc. Every feeling good & bad passes. I know its going to be a long road to recovery but hopefully & with the help of others on this site I will make it through & days like today will become more frequent & I'll be able to accept them & myself as deserving of a good & happy life. Here's hoping, eh?