Obsessive List Writing

[CarlNottm]

Hi all,

For a long time now I spend most of my day feeling low and I tend to keep writing lists of things to do to improve my life over and over but never managing to do any of them, for example; learn to drive, new job, exercise etc. By the end of the day the list I had wrote had less meaning so I threw it away. This happens almost everyday. I feel like im obsessed with trying to create a whole new image becasue I feel like I cannot express myself at all and there is the real me inside that needs to come out. Does this make any sense? It is doing my head in because Its like goal setting but never actually being able to take action and that makes me feel even more insecure. Any advice?

Thanks
C

[alias_kev]

Hi Carl, It sounds like the list writing has become an "end in itself" rather than a tool to get things done. I suppose as with meds we often hope to find the magic answer and then when we don't its more disappointing than when we started.

And as you say the failure to get a good list or do the things on it is increasing rather than helping your bad feelings. I'm only guessing but presumably you were a bit of a list writer/planner before all this started. So in a controlled way the lists can still help you and also provide some familiarity.

I'm going to suggest some rules - that might help you fight the compulsion:
1. You are allowed two lists - one stategic (for things like "new job") and one tactical/practical (for things like "buy job advert newpaper").
2. You should number the priority of the entries on each list. This avoids having to rewrite them all the time as priorities change.
3. strategic list: You can only add or remove one thing a day (or even a week). You can renumber the items only once a day.
4. tactical list: This must contain ONLY daily necessities (if you need them listed - eg. shopping, shower) AND/OR things which will actually progress the first item on your strategic list. These are the things you would like to get done to move things forwards.

I'd suggest reviewing the strategic list at the end of the day - for the following day. And making the day's tactical list either last or first thing. So that way you have a new set of goals in the morning. Whatever, you probably need to break the current cycle of writting dis-satisfying lists and wasting all your time & energy on that. I know writing this sounds glib, I get very little done myself so I do know some of what you are feeling. The only alternative I can see is giving up the lists completely for a while.

Perhaps reveiw the Problems/Issues: OCD information on the menu to the left. I think its easy for anxiety to push us towards Obsessive or phobic behavours, even if they are not our normal pattern.

[CarlNottm]

Hi thankyou very much for taking the time to reply. Its good advice i think for now though its best I forget writin the lists as its driving me crazy lol

Thanks again

C

[CarlNottm]

Hi again,

Just wanted to say that I have been writing goals and lists everyday because when I have a thought or idea I am scared i wont do it because I will forget or not get it done. Only since your post have I considered it may be OCD and now i realise its all anxiety, i have suffered depression/panic attacks/health anxiety/social anxiety but never considered OCD. It feels quite comforting to know this is just another symptom WOW maybe now i can distract myself from making lists and just let life flow. Thanks very much!!!

Cheers
C

[alias_kev]

Anxiety can be pretty clever and subtle and creep quietly into places - even into the ways you fight it!. Glad you feel able to go cold turkey on the lists...

I wrote the way I did as only you can really judge what's normal for you.

[NoPoet]

Hi Carl, I am terrible for this, I make lists of my lists!! I recognise it as slightly obsessional but at the same time it calms me down A LOT and helps me to feel like I'm making sense of the world. It gives me a feeling of organisation and control which I find very empowering. Yes it can be taken to extremes but let's not forget how reassuring and helpful it can be to organise ourselves in this way.