PLEASE HELP - COUNSELLOR CAN'T HELP ANYMORE????? [Archive]

linjane

28-08-05, 14:07

Hello,

Please, please please can you help/advise me? I,m not sure if many people have read the last thing I posted about on my other topic, but basically, I said that after seeing counsellor on Thursday, he is saying that there isn't much else he can do for me now. This seems mainly to be because of my way of thinking and also not being able to accept that the missed beats are harmless. He was also quite annoyed that the midwife had said I might need to see a cardiologist. I don't know what else to do now. I thought a counsellor would 'teach me' how to learn to change my thoughts and give me tips on how to do this. I am now beginning to feel a total failure in all of this. I am annoyed with myself for letting the missed beats get to me so much and now I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have also had a few bad days with the missed beats/flutterings and as usual they have scared me and made me irritable. I know that I won't be able to discuss this with my counsellor so now its only all of you who I can talk to who understand.

I can't shift the thought that the missed beats are dangerous.

I'm sorry to have gone on so much.
Linda.x

Johnnybravo

28-08-05, 14:26

Hey there,

I am not familiar with your symptoms (missed heartbeat), but whatever is wrong don't feel like a failure...ever!

It sounds to me like your councellor is the one with the problem...he should not make you feel this way. Is there anyway of seeing another person, getting another reference from your GP?

Don't feel down and don't apologise for "going on too long" 'cause you didn't, you are just showing how you feel, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I do hope you feel better soon...can you do something to help take your mind off things...go for a walk, watch a film, call a friend?

All the best and take care JB

Quirky

28-08-05, 14:30

Hi linjane,
What type of counsellor do you see? If it's just a normal counsellor maybe CBT would be better for you. CBT is far better for helping you work on thoughts. Ultimately though counsellors can only help and advise, it's then up to us to do the hard work (much easier said than done I know!).
I don't get missed beats often but I've had heavy thumping and palpitations that can be scary as well as chest pain and breathlessness.
I used to worry about my heart but once I had all the tests done I was able to accept it as anxiety better. It still scares me sometimes but deep down I can tell myself it's just anxiety.
Your midwife was probably just being cautious and not fully understanding things. I assume you have had all the tests for your heart? Missed beats in themselves are not usually dangerous, especially if you've been checked out and with no other symptoms.
It may be worth seeing your doctor and discussing what the midwife said to put your mind at rest.
I do feel for you, it's very easy to get caught up in a vicious circle, but ultimately your symptoms will go when you stop being scared of them, but I really do know how hard that is to do. You are NOT a failure, anxiety is not easy to overcome and your counsellor doesn't sound the most understanding about this.
Sorry for the long post,
Take care,
LJ

nomorepanic

28-08-05, 14:31

Linda

Sorry to hear things are still so hard for you. What sort of counselling have you had - was it CBT based?

I just wanted to tell you something that Paul McKenna said on one of his TV programmes (the recent one on Sky 1). He was helping someone with OCD and she wasn't making any progress and he said that unless she met him half way and made some effort then he wasn't going to treat her anymore as she didn't want to put in the effort or listen to what he suggested. He said that you can't cure everybody all the time so he may have to give up. He did go on to help her in the end as she started to listen to him and do what he suggested.

Perhaps your counsellor is feeling like this and that you are not meeting him/her half way. Just a thought maybe.

I know it is so hard to change your thoughts - I am still struggling with mine as well when driving. I don't think there is a miracle cure, it is all about giving yourself positive affirmations. You need to be saying things like "I am fine and this is not going to hurt me". You need to do this over and over until you start beliveing it.

I can't remember all of your background but have you thought about hypnotherapy or have you tried it already?

Not sure this helps but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

Sue K with 5

28-08-05, 15:00

Lin

you are pregnant and feeling very scared and vulnerable, I am sure your midwwife is sending you to see this cardiologist to put your mind at rest. Not because she thinks there is anything wrong.

Your councellor needs to work with you after you have seen this person to then work on the fears and once your mind is at ease, you can then face the real issues behind this.

You cannot help your fears and being pregnant makes the whole situation worse.

This councellor needs to discuss this with you and your midwife together

Take care Lin and remember that you are not alone with these fears

love sue with 5

scknight

Meg

28-08-05, 15:07

I do think the midwife was right in that the demands on your body are going to change over the next few months and she needs to be sure that you are as healthy as possible for these changes and an expert opinion will help confirm this.

If you had not been pregnant I do not think the referral was necessary.

Your counsellor is frustrated and took it out on you which is wrong. He needs to find another way to get his message across to help you help yourself.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

seh1980

28-08-05, 15:19

hi Linda,

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and I'm sure that something will come your way soon hun..

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

linjane

28-08-05, 15:20

Hi,
Thanks to everyone for responding so quickly.

My counsellor is a pyscotherapist, if that helps explain what sort of counsellor he is. He was the person I saw right at the beginning when I was first referred and he thought I was probably suffering with health anxiety.

For those of you who don't know me, a quick bit of my background is....parents split up age 10, lost contact with dad, 20 dad got back in touch but died of throat cancer when I was 21, pregnant with first child at 28 then mom died, two miscarriages, lost both grandparents, had another child, conceived again 8months later only to lose my little boy when I was five months - this was when missed/ectopics started, husband had affair.

I think I have always been an anxious person which got worse with the death of my parents. I know I have never grieved for any of what has happened to me properly but I have good friends who I can talk all of my problems through with. My greatest fear is of something bad happening to anyone close to me and I am also terrified that there is something wrong with me, which is mainly triggered more often than not, by the missed beats.

I totally understand why the midwife needs to cover herself and have not got a problem with her doing that, it just scares me thats all.

I have tried to explain as much as I can to my counsellor and I listen to everything he says, but he doesn't give me anything to practice that could help me. He even doesn't suggest relaxation tapes or anything???? I did pay for a private counsellor, about 18months ago, who was totally different and worked differently, but I can't afford to this anymore.

I know I have let the missed beat thing overtake my life again and I am really sorry to keep going on about them.

Thanks tp everyone who has replied.

Linda.x

Piglet

28-08-05, 16:11

Hi LinJane,

Me again!

I remember when I first had anxiety and saw a counsellor at the surgery - I only had 4 sessions in which we had quite a laugh but never really got to the root of anything, nor did he give me any coping techniques, so I felt it was all abit of a waste of time however nice he was!!

I didn't realise then that there were different sorts of therapies ie cbt so never knew to ask for it even.

I don't really like the sound of the person you are seeing as we all know how anxious people need constant reassuring so don't think its any good them getting impatient with you. At the risk of repeating myself yet again from other posts what about the team at NOPANIC could they help??

Meanwhile have you had the cardiologist appt through yet??

Love Pig x

pinkscrumpy

28-08-05, 17:38

Hi LinJane

I totally agree with what eveyone else has said, so can't offer anymore.

I to suffer really bad with the missed beats as well as ALL the other symptoms the heart gives us through anxiety.

I am only just managing to change the way I think about the heart things after nearly 7 years and its not easy, and with you being pregnant aswell you are having more stress.

We are all thinking of you and perhaps try CBT, I think thats also the next step for me also.

Take care

MANDIE XX

Will I ever escape this?
Will I ever be free?
Wake me up from this nightmare.
Please just give me the key!

stimpy

28-08-05, 23:11

Hi Linda

My advice would be to get another counsellor.

I can't understand why "he was quite annoyed that the midwife had said you might need to see a cardiologist."
I should have thought that he would have been pleased!
At least it will tell you one way or another what is going on and whether or not it is dangerous, or it is indeed phycological.

These failings you are experiencing are not your fault and you shouldn't be hard on yourself.

Lets hope the next counsellor you see is a bit more helpful and supportive.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.

[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

in1peace

29-08-05, 04:22

Hi Linda!
Heart palpitations seem to be pretty common in pregnancy. I know I've had an increase in flutters and thumps with my heart with each pregnancy. Also, having miscarried twice before, it's understandable the anxiety about your own health!
If you can switch therapists, switch!! I had a very competent therapist who is highly recommended in our area. She was very helpful to me for 3 years. But when I started having panic attacks she really dropped the ball. I switched and I'm being helped by someone who has personal experience in her family history of panic. She is much more sensitive to this and understanding.
I read the brief history, Girl.. you have been through SOOOO much!!! Have a hug (((((((((((((Linda))))))))))))))))))))))
Glad you have friends to talk with. Just remember you have people here who will care too!! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me!
Love,
Andrea

"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

judledoodledoo

29-08-05, 09:28

Hi Linda;
All I can say is get annother counsellor. To make any progress you have to have someone that you can trust.
I hope having your missed beats checked out will dispell some of the fears you have about them.
Keep your chin up girl ok
Hugs
Ju

my world is only as small as my courage

michelleann

29-08-05, 12:37

hi linda
i too suffer missed heartbeats since i was about 18 im 32 now, when i first got them it tended to be around that time of the month but when my anxiety kicked in it was all the time. i too got them when i was pregnant and was scared it might affect my baby but my gp and midwife assured me it wouldnt harm him. i still get them now but i try not to let it get to me as much im still frightened but i now distract my thoughts. read megs post on missed beats its helped me!
take care sweet
pm me anytime
love michelle xxx

linjane

29-08-05, 15:45

Hi,
Thanks for everyones replies.

I don't know what to do about asking for another counsellor as its NHS based and he is in charge I think. I see him again nxt week, so I'll see what happens then. I am confused with it though, cuz even just watching Coronation Street, Shelleys therapist is totally different.

As for the missed beats, I just don't know how I will ever learn to accept them. I had the usual tests three years ago and have read Megs post about them, but I'm still scared of them. I had them last night and on and off today....they have been the type where you can feel like a fluttering in your chest the when you check your pulse (which I know I shouldn't be doing) you can feel two quick beats then a normal one then a couple more skippy ones then they return to normal till the next time. I AM SO FED UP OF THEM. Its not like I haven't been doing things. We were up early and did a car boot this morning so my mind should have been occupied.

Nothing seems to work for me, to dispel the fear of them.:(
Linda.xxx

Meg

29-08-05, 18:52

Lin-
Maybe see him next time and see how things go but you could print off the NICE guidelines and use them as the guide they are meant to be and that states very clearly CBT is the therapy of choice .
Psychotherapy is brilliant in its place but it is not solution focused

They are all on our 'finding help' pages

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

dizzyd

29-08-05, 19:45

Hi Linda, Remember me ' Dizzy Dawn' - Wow - I am so pleased for you regarding your pregnancy, when is the little bundle of joy due? Now Linda - you talked me through my really bad time of missed heartbeats, skipped beats etc It's my turn to help you..... For the last few weeks I have been really quite free of anxiety (have a look at my 'Success story ' but that doesn't mean I am free of the old funny heart beats. I have the horrible skipping, pausing etc at least every day sometimes on and off throughout the day but I just don't give it any foothold. I tend to think - oh there it is again it didn't kill me last time and it won't this time. I don't mean to sound blase or cocky and I know it's hard to think like that but there are soooo many of us on here with wobbly heartbeats - it really is quite common. Like me you have had it checked and know deep down it's ok - So my advice for what its worth - Don't ket them take anymore of your peace from you... YOUR HEART IS FINE - IT BEATS JUST LIKE MINE . Enjoy your pregnancy - you deserve happiness Linda - Life has dealt you a lot of pain but it's up to you and only you to enjoy what lies ahead - Enjoy every moment of the precious time with your children - none of us knows whats round the corner but one thing we can do is enjoy right now and make the most of today.
Love and hugs
Dawn xxx

linjane

31-08-05, 08:27

Hi again,

Lovely to hear from you again, Dawn and thanks for your lovely reply. I will pm you to fill you in with the details.

Thanks Meg for the advice.....again......I will look up the things you have suggested.

My appointment with him is next week, but I have to say I'm not looking forward to it. I can't believe the way this counselling has turned out and yet again I'm beginning to think it must be me, everyone else seems to be able to accept these missed beats, but I just can't.

Anyway, on a happier note, I've got my first scan on Monday, and hopefully everything will go ok. Not sure if I've mentioned this before, so sorry if I'm repeating myself, but the midwife has said I will have to have a Caesarean again as I have already had two emergency sections and it wouldn't be fair to put me through all that again. The thought of this really scares me, especially with the ectopics. Meg, any advice?

Love, Linda.xxx

Meg

31-08-05, 13:40

Lin,

Its totally fine and from your fear point of view the best outcome as

a)your heart won't be put under as much strain with a section as much as if you were labouring

b) you'll be on a cardiac monitor throughout the section anyway so they'll get to have a good tracing and monitoring of your heart then, if not before.

I don't think its you regarding the counselling - I think its not the best sort of counselling for your issues . This is not one size fits all.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

SPAM

31-08-05, 14:17

hi lin-firstly congratulations on pregnancy!
you don`t need me-and a bloke-telling you that your emotions etc are all on full power-haywire `eh.
i wouldn`t "dare" to even comment on how pregnancy effects women-does us men as well!-all i "can" say on subject is it`s always worth it in the end!
all i really wanted to comment on was -the missed beats-firstly you have to ask yourself -are they irregular or does ticker beat this way anyway but only recently picked up on it?
if there was even the minutest reason for concern-more than any dr/mr/councellor etc`s worth to let pass-plus the equipment they use today is so hi-tek ok pet!
i suggest you take your own pulse or sit quiet and "count" beats-inc` missing ones-and do this say every 3hrs or so over 24hr period-to satisfy yourself ok-plus will do your breathing good-thanks says baby!-and see what terrible thing-isn`t going to happen!
enjoy rest of day and a wellwish for the birth day ok!
best wishes
trevor.

AGORAPHOBIC AND TOTALLY ALONE IN STRANGE ENVIRONMENT WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW TO INTRODUCE MYSELF/SITUATION PLEASE1

linjane

31-08-05, 17:09

Hello,

Thanks again, Meg, you're a total STAR with capital letters!!!! I am going to try not to dwell on the birth too much for now and at least on Monday I can talk to my consultant about my fears. I tried to look up the stuff re NICE which you suggested, but I couldn't find a link for it. Could you possibly e-mail it to me please?

Hi Trev, thanks for your post. I get maybe 20-30 erratic/missed beats a day sometimes less, sometimes more, but more importantly they do go back to a normal steady heartbeat after there 'out of sync' time. I have re-read the page on palpitations and am trying to remember the drummer. Meg....I really am trying!!! Yes I know, VERY!!! LOL

Anyway, been out for the day with kids and mom in law today - till rain spoiled play - and only had few flutters. It doesn't help that I am so tired all the time, but that should be getting better soon, after the first three months.

Off to the shops now speak to you all again soon,
Love, Linda.xxx

Meg

31-08-05, 17:18

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/default.asp?t=cms&c=help

Cinders4

31-08-05, 18:24

Hi Lin, just read your posts, WOW youve had a tuff time. I too suffer with Health Anxiety and have done as far back as I can remember.

When I became pregnant the last time I was taking BETA BLOCKERS, ANTI DEPS and THE PILL, ID HAD XRAYS, been drinking and doing all the things you shouldnt do when you are pregnant.

This was not because I didnt care but because I had no idea I was or could have been pregnant. I was still even getting my periods.

When my doctor confirmed that the feeling dizzy and painful boobs was pregnancy I was told to stop taking my meds immedeately (which goes against the advice for both) as there was a high risk of my baby dying as a result of the effect of them. This sent me into a complete frenzy ........... I was convinced that the baby would die and that without my betablockers I tooo would die as I would have a heart attack with the strain of the pregnancy.

I too had it suggested that I might have to see a cardiologist, this was because I am nearly always tachcardic. Anyway, eventually after lots of complications with the NHS I was given a very mild antidepressent during the remainder of the pregnancy and supported by a CPN because I could not get past the fact that I would not die in childbirth.....

Someone suggested I see a hypnotherapist to help me relax and try to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy...... I did, I saw a great guy from the MERJON school of hypnotherapy and it really did help. I was still very scared (despite this being my 4th) but was able to get through the 42 (yes 42) weeks of my pregnancy. No heart attack!!!!!!!

The only surprise was that I had been told the sex of my baby during the early stages when I was having to have scans due to baby having a cyst on the brain (all fine) and the little girl I was expecting turned out to be ROBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You will be fine and like someone has already said. The C Section however terrifying is the best opton in your circs. I didnt have one but was offered due to my health anxiety (BUT I ALSO HAVE FEAR OF ANESTHETIC!!!!)

Take care

let me know how things go along xxxxxxxx JO

linjane

01-09-05, 07:56

Morning,
Thanks for your post Jo. It does help if I can talk to others who are or have been in similar situations. I'm scared of anaesthetic too, but have always been awake for the Csections and will be this time!! I am just dreading freaking out when I am on the operating table, listening to my heartbeat on the machine!!! Anyway, not supposed to be thinking that far ahead yet......

My doc has also taken me off the beta blockers even though I was only on 40mg a day and they didn't seem to have much effect on the missed beats.

Take care, speak soon,
Love, Linda.x

Cinders4

03-09-05, 12:32

I know what you mean about listening to your heart on the machine,,,, could you take headphones, Im sure theyd allow that and you could listen to some of your favourite music or a hypontherapy tape/disc to try and keep you calm.

Theres nothing worse if you are paranoid about your heart is there. having it amplified for you!!!! I even get in tune with heart beats on tv programs and look at the monitors on hospital programs and if I dont turn off start taking my pulse and saying, see, they are ill but mine is still faster, there must be something wrong with me..... batty eh!!!!!

Anyway, off to carry out weekend type duties....shopping ironing etc etc...pm me and keep me posted xxx

Cinders4

03-09-05, 12:32

linjane

04-09-05, 09:11

Hi Cinders,
You sound just like me, I can't watch anything like Casualty in case there is someone on there with a heart problem - it just sends my mind into overdrive.

Hope you're doing ok now. It was a good idea about the relaxation cd while I have the baby, I had to do that on a plane a couple of months ago and even though I was still scared it did help a bit. I'm going for my scan tomorrow so I can talk about my fears with them, then.

Take care,
speak to you soon,
Love, Linda.xxx