fear of being alone

[lilies]

I am so pleased to find this site..all my life I felt I have been the only one to suffer with the extreme fear of being alone.I tend to give in to everybody for fear of upsetting them and being left alone,it has been hell since I was a small child from an abusive family.I have never been out of my village alone in my life,I work hard for my husbands company,keep the home etc spotless and am always obidient...now I am about to retire I cannot bear the thought of everyday having to be someone I don't want to be because I have massive panick attacks if I am home alone at night or weekends when all the shops and health centre shut...please can anybody give me any ideas how to overcome this..I look in the mirror and see a smart woman who should be full of confidence and free but something in my head keeps me a prisoner to myself..monophobia.At least now I know there are other people like me and I am not feeling so alone.

[leonard]

Hi Lilies

I have every sympathy with you. As a child I too suffered like you did. I would never be left alone even at school. I have managed to overcome some of that fear, but it takes a lot of hard work, self belief and courage.
Being obidient gives power to other people and you learn to give in to their every wish, this makes your fear worse. Talk to your husband and explain you need to change and break this fear. With some CBT and loads of love you can achieve some comfort from the fear.
Hope this helps. Feel free to write back at anytime.

Leonard:welcome:

[LauraJF]

Lilies,

I have monophobia too. I've found it to be the most difficult of all my fears to overcome. I've been exposing myself to short periods of time by myself hoping to become comfortable alone. I'm ok if my fiance has his phone on but when he's golfing he turns it off and I feel disconnected from him and very panicky until he finally gets back home. I'm housebound so I'm not able to go visiting to be with other people so I'm hoping that if I get myself out of the house I will be able to cope better.

I've noticed that my fear has to do with panicking and not being able to find anyone to help me so I think that, if we're able to help ourselves through our panicky feelings maybe we'll be able to cope better and maybe lose the phobic reaction.

Sorry I can't be of any help but I hope that you feel better knowing you're not alone with your fears.

[tizwiz]

I am so pleased to find this site..all my life I felt I have been the only one to suffer with the extreme fear of being alone.I tend to give in to everybody for fear of upsetting them and being left alone,it has been hell since I was a small child from an abusive family.I have never been out of my village alone in my life,I work hard for my husbands company,keep the home etc spotless and am always obidient...now I am about to retire I cannot bear the thought of everyday having to be someone I don't want to be because I have massive panick attacks if I am home alone at night or weekends when all the shops and health centre shut...please can anybody give me any ideas how to overcome this..I look in the mirror and see a smart woman who should be full of confidence and free but something in my head keeps me a prisoner to myself..monophobia.At least now I know there are other people like me and I am not feeling so alone.

Hi Lilies
I know exactly how you are feeling and you have my deepest sympathy. People just don't unerstand these kind of very real phobias.
I have a massive fear of being alone amongst other things such as depression/panic/ocd. It has controlled me my whole life and ruined many of my relationships too. I have had some progress with trying to overcoome this fear. But life got very complicated for me recently and I went down hill without even realising it.
Ironically my partner has just had to go into hospital for 6 weeks and I have never felt so terrified. He has only been gone two days and I have no contact with him at all. I am trapped in a flat alone knowing nobody as I have only been here for a few months and don't go out alot. But tho I have been crying, frantically phoning my gp and feeling like I just can't cope I have realised I have to take control of this. I have got to give it time to pass I guess. Its that old cliche of the flooding therapy if I do it for long enough I will get fed up of being afraid of it and my anxiety will come down. I am quietly hopeful.:blush:
You could try and find someone - maybe via this site, who suffers with anxiety too who will buddy you and you can talk to each other and support each other through your recovery. Try and spend just short periods by yourself and think about all the things you could do if you had independence and freedom to be alone in the house doing whatever you want and not having to fit in with other people for fear of being alone.
I wish you luck and please feel free to pm me if you want to. You are not alone.
take care
Luv Tiz