walked off during a talk today needs cheering up

[xshellyx]

ok well i suffer social anxiety i get panic attacks which is led to depression as well,im doing a nursing course just now and we had a practice of doing presentations today! I got up and spoke for about a minute was doing well then i froze and couldnt get my words out or breath.i said to the teacher i couldnt do it and i walked off,im so dissopointed that i let my anxiety get to me! i was wondering for next wednesday if the doctor could prescribe me anything to calm me down,like valium? i really dont no what to do as i can fail if i dont do it,any advice thanks

[Thumbelina]

dont worry too much,
whatever teacher or others thought shouldnt bother you too much.

its not trhat important.

You will not walk of next time or time after , or wherenever you will be ready!!!!

ITS OK

[Satellite]

You said you need cheering up - so just sending you a :bighug1: and a :D and letting you know - we all know how you feel

Best Wishes
Satellite x

[CJH86]

Hi, I suffer social phobia and PD, and frequently have to do presentations.....through no choice of my own, part of my course too!

I did take 5mg of valium before one of my presentations and it did not help one bit, i thought my heart was gonna stop! Yes it calmed me down before i started but it didnt stop the bad adrenaline release feeling when i had to stand up there. Sadly i have even tried the alcohol route, bad idea......it helped the nerves - but try slurring your way through a 10 minute presentation on glaucoma!!:doh:

What ever happens there is still likely to be nerves. What i find helps is standing in my room by myself and practicing what im going to say out loud over and over again untill i am sick of it. It somewhat reduces the risk of freezing if you know more than you need to say - and its filler if you lose your track. I have some tricks i use;

I have a warm drink and something small to eat before doing the presentation (dunno why that helps me but it does!).

I dress smartly, make a little more effort and do my make up to minimise the feeling of being self conscious as much as possible - i find that helps as i dont like people staring at me at the best of times.

If i have to stand up infront of everyone them ultimately its best to try not to look at peoples facial expressions (they may look bored coz at the end of the day watching a load of presentations can be boring!) If im stood up and have to look at the crowd i kinda keep my glance moving or focus around one or two people im more comfortable around.... so i dont think omg he/she thinks im rubbish etc etc

I have frozen once or twice completely, but i tell myself it wont happen next time otherwise i get in a rut of thinking i will and it becomes a phobia. If i do freeze i just apologise, laugh it off, say i need a second take a few breaths and think to myself right im gonna do this and go for it! People are very understanding...and whether they have anxiety or not they more often than not still worry about it happening to them. Once or twice ive brushed it off and coughed/cleared my throat a bit - composed myself to make it look like its less to do with my nerves.

Trust me once you've got it out of the way of you'll feel great, i always feel so proud of myself after i do something like that because its such a massive thing for me...its worth putting yourself through it for the feeling of achievement! x

[melody]

I probably can't talk, because I've never been afraid of talking in public. It's the casual chats one on one, or with not many people that make me freeze up.

When I get up & talk, I don't even see anyone. It's like my eyes glaze over & it seems like no one is even there. I focus on holding my head high & trying not to fidget too much. I focus on the words I have prepared, I pretend it's the same as when I was practicing earlier in the mirror. (Have you tried practicing over & over in front of the mirror until it starts to feel more natural). I concentrate on making hand gestures at some of my points & not staring at the one place. My focus is on anything but the audience. I know it's different for everyone, but imagining doing anything safer tricks the mind if you focus on that illusion with everything you have.

The other thing I notice is how I feel when I listen to other people's speeches. Am I really paying any attention? Or am I too busy worrying about my own speech that's coming up soon? I can guarantee, everyone else is too busy worrying about their own speech to care about anyone elses. The only time I care is when someones speech is so good, I'm like Uh Oh! But there is always a good mix of different ways to approach it.

Have you tried practicing in front of someone you trust at home, before you take the plunge at the front of the room? They can give supportive feedback which can help. You know what you have to say, because it's written down in front of you. Do you have easy to read cue cards per paragraph? That's important, makes it less daunting. It makes it much easier not to lose your place as there are only a few sentences on each card. If you number them, it's like did 2 out of 10. 4 out of 10. Nearly half way there. Not much longer etc. You know you are prepared & have done the research. You know you have good things to say. So you can get up there & say it to the brick wall that's in front of you! (Or whatever you choose to imagine. I never got the everyone in their underwear thing, but people swear by it). Everyone else is nervous too, even people like me, we just put our trust in our little tricks. Noone is judging. They are unlikely to remember much, or care. People are usually more self absorbed than that.

If you feel that uncomfortable, talk to the teacher. They won't let you fail because of mental illness, it would be too irresponsible of them to do so. They want you to pass your course. They would have come across this type of problem before as stage fright is very common. If you can show them you tried your best & did the work, they may be able to work something out for you.

I hope something about that is helpful. I think the most important things are: hold your head high! Tell yourself positive things! Pretend it's just you & the teacher! You won't fail, this is just an exercise in facing fears, you will pass by doing it at all! You have good things to say about this topic that people need to hear! If you start to notice, you can see evidence of fear in everyone around you, all afraid of the same things, so they have absolutely no reason to think anything bad about you at all! You are all in the same boat. Practice in front of the mirror the night before & the morning before the presentation to familiarize yourself with the material, you can see what you will look like, that you will look completely normal & average.

Good luck :)

Melody

[Marginalia]

I used to be afraid of speaking out in front of a group at all. At school when the teacher asked the class a question I used to whisper the answer so that the person next to me would hear it and speak it for me.

Public speaking was something I avoided doing at all costs...

...until I was offered a university lectureship, and since I would lose my dole money if I refused, I accepted it. Bravest thing I ever did in my life - and I'm glad I did.

Still remember my first two lectures. Well, in the first I set myself the small goal of introducing the course, which took about 10 minutes. I was shaking so much I could hardly stand up, and I don't suppose the students could make out much of what I was saying.

For my first proper lecture I chose a topic I felt confident with, and passionate about. Something I really really wanted to communicate. I wrote the whole thing out in longhand, and had a short notes version too. It worked. I survived. And nothing ever as bad as my first lecture. I still get nerves sometimes when speaking in public, if I feel I'm being judged on something I am not confident about.

But I discovered something quite surprising: I really enjoy giving talks.

I think for a slightly social phobic person, delivering a talk can eventually be seen as a situation over which you have almost complete control. It's much easier than making conversation - you don't have all the variables of other people's contributions to deal with ;)

Tips I give my students when I'm teaching them to give presentations:

* You are the one in charge during the talk, so you can take control of the situation.

* It is not you as a person being assessed or judged. What is important is the content and the task of communicating it most effectively. The only role you have as a person is as the executive of that task.

* The success of the talk is judged on the increase in knowledge and enjoyment you produce in the audience. Whether you feel good or bad is irrelevant to them.

* When you are giving a talk you are an actor. You are putting on a role, whatever role is going to make your talk most memorable for the audience. Making an idiot of yourself can actually be a good thing. (I've done all the following: dressing up, playing music, made risque comments when I noticed innuendo in my lecture slides, ran up and down, used my own nervousness as an example, brought in my childhood toys to play with, got a fit of giggles with the students. And I'm an introvert.)

* Treat the room as your territory for the duration of the talk. It's all yours (try to familiarise yourself with every part in advance) - so you can use the space and facilities how you like. I tell my students that they can rearrange the furniture, sit or stand as they wish, even face away from the audience if they must, or run in and out of the room. They are not chained to one spot.

* Use audiovisual aids, props, audience participation activities - these are not only legitimate and useful techniques for putting across your material, making your talk interesting for the audience, but they also have the useful effect of getting the audience's attention off you and onto something else. Yes, you can wave a stick around and you are controlling the audience's gaze with every movement of your hand.

* Last, but not least, do plenty of preparation for the talk, so you feel you can stand up with confidence and pride, and - what's important for me - feel that you are going to do positive good with your talk. Even if it's just one 'interesting fact', or an original metaphor for describing something the audience might have difficulty understanding, or even if you can do one thing which will cheer them up, that's enough for me. Otherwise I can't look forward to the talk. I need to feel I have something important to give.

[Marginalia]

Just to add - looking on the positive side, you did actually face your worst fear. Not giving a talk in public... but giving a talk in public and not being able to do it. So now you've faced your worst fear, it actually happened, it's all uphill from here, right?

(Well, that was my experience, that you just have to practice and it gets easier every time... and then you realise you're enjoying it!)

Nothing dreadful happened because you walked out, and you might find it easier next time because you'll know people have more realistic expectations of you, and will understand any hesitations you have.


I did also want to say that I have never practised a talk beforehand, so I can't comment on the technique, though all the books recommend it. I have learnt that making longhand notes doesn't work at all for me. Which is good, since it takes ages! The reason it doesn't work is that when I am giving a talk I am far too hyped up (I refused to say 'nervous' - it's just a heightened adrenaline thing, which can be felt as exhilarating) to be able to read full sentences.

However since I have a poor memory, I use Powerpoint slides, handouts, or very simple bulleted notes to remind me of my main points. Very occasionally if I have something very precise and technical to explain I might write a sentence for me to say, but I usually make a mess of that and have to explain it several times. This usually means I haven't quite got the thing clear in my own mind, so I resolve to read it up for next time.

That's the other thing, not to expect any talk to be perfect. The professionals (since I am one now) just do their best within the time limits given, and polish their talks by giving them more than once, until they actually sound really professional. The first time is always hit and miss. You can't edit a talk, and people know that. Sometimes all you can do is throw words out and hope some of them stick (and ask the audience if they are following - it's all about them, not you).

[Carefree]

I found a videocamera helped my confidence for presentations. At first I hated watching myself and often cringed, but in time you come to accept yourself more and that gradually builds into confidence. After a while you start to look better and better as you learn how to compose yourself.

That translates into confidence with a live audience as you know you are out there looking strong and confident. You can pick them up pretty cheap on ebay now if you want to take it to that level.

Or, if you have a computer with a webcam and some screen recorder (like Macs have an inbuilt camera and Photo Booth) you can use that...

Building your self esteem takes time, and can be a painful, revealing process, but in the end, it's more worthwhile that running off to the doctor for medication that you may very well regret :)

[xshellyx]

thanks guys for the advice the talk is tomorrow ,i just need to tell myself i can do it and i will ,ill let every1 no how it goes

[Marginalia]

thanks guys for the advice the talk is tomorrow ,i just need to tell myself i can do it and i will ,ill let every1 no how it goes

*hugs* courage and good luck. :) You can get through it. Allow yourself to be a bit wobbly, and don't worry however incoherent and tongue-tied you are. The goal is to survive: anything more than that is icing ;) Will support you whatever happens *hugs*.

[Lion King]

Hi All,

Some serious good advice here, I have to give presentations at work and I have suffered nerves , I found each time I was doing one I was tense and nervous, but once you get flowing about the presentation all these things (anxiety) subsided as I stayed in the moment, I am not perfect at presentations but with the advice given I can definitely adopt this to my own methods.

Thanks all

Lion King

[Marginalia]

zshellyx - just wondered if you managed to get through the talk, and/or need some hugs? (I've been away for a while hence not asking before)

Min.

[Kerrigan]

Well done Shelley :yesyes:

That is WAY more than some people would do. I remember the first time I walked out of a talk, I was just in the audience but I could.not.stop.thinking.about.swallowing. I was sacked from my last job because I wouldn't attend the meetings.

I had no loyalty to the place anyway because it was an optional child development presentation which was neither here nor there but I wish I'd have stayed.

I've done one talk before but it was before I developed a fixation on my throat so I was blissfully unaware of it.

You have already technically done what you intended to do but you just didn't finish it properly, I know that doesn't sound sensitive but it's true-you met the challenge but didn't end it in a way you were happy with but a) this is normal and b) you HAVE succeeded.

It's not getting up and addressing a class that phased you it was a mental block and thats normal. I wish you good luck in your next attempt.