JacobM
29-08-05, 04:27
I was just curious if anyone could relate to this-
I didn't get much sleep last night as I was up late reading. I had some bad anxiety last night (my friend went out with other friends and I got upset and then worried that I was upset because they went to bar and that led me to worry that I wanted to drink, which I don't want to do). Woke up today, tired and all that I wanted to do was go back to bed but had to perform some mandatory work tasks. I had a whole bunch of post-it notes up of things I wanted to do, but my body was so tense all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I set my alarm to get up but I felt physically incapable of doing task because I was so tense. I shake and hide under blankets until I fall back asleep. I did wake up and had dinner but felt really tense all evening. My muscles are all tight and my hands are shaky and whenever I get a thought in my head like "What if I drink?" I dig my nails into my hands really hard and tense my body even more than it already is. My back is hurting mildly now from all the tension.
The thing is that I feel like I don't have to feel this way or the fact that the anxiety is brought on by my jealousy about my friend makes it my fault. I guess I feel like I could do something about it and that I'm doing it on purpose or something. I don't know, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to feel this way but I don't know how not to. Does this make sense?
I didn't get much sleep last night as I was up late reading. I had some bad anxiety last night (my friend went out with other friends and I got upset and then worried that I was upset because they went to bar and that led me to worry that I wanted to drink, which I don't want to do). Woke up today, tired and all that I wanted to do was go back to bed but had to perform some mandatory work tasks. I had a whole bunch of post-it notes up of things I wanted to do, but my body was so tense all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I set my alarm to get up but I felt physically incapable of doing task because I was so tense. I shake and hide under blankets until I fall back asleep. I did wake up and had dinner but felt really tense all evening. My muscles are all tight and my hands are shaky and whenever I get a thought in my head like "What if I drink?" I dig my nails into my hands really hard and tense my body even more than it already is. My back is hurting mildly now from all the tension.
The thing is that I feel like I don't have to feel this way or the fact that the anxiety is brought on by my jealousy about my friend makes it my fault. I guess I feel like I could do something about it and that I'm doing it on purpose or something. I don't know, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to feel this way but I don't know how not to. Does this make sense?