R.I.D.

[Bill]

When I went out today my tummy was feeling out of sorts. While I was in town, the feelings got worse and I started to feel I was going to have to find a public loo. I don't mind using public loos but I really don't enjoy having to do more than no.1's in them!

I think this stems from my childhood when I wouldn't use the loos at primary school. One day I tried to hold on until I got home but couldn't make it in time and got told off by my mother for having "an accident" on the way home.

In my teens I still avoided the loos for no.2's as best I could and I still tried to hold on until I got home.

I can remember on holiday once I had no choice but to use one, only to feel and see a filthy hand by my leg from the cubicle next to me! Boy, did that make me "go" quicker!

When I started work, I was still afraid of using the loos so I used to eat lots of fruit the night before to try and clear myself out before I left in the morning. It was silly really because it just made me worse so I nearly always had to go straight in the loo when I arrived at work because I was so anxious about trying to avoid them.

So, why have I put bodily functions in the panic section? Well, this is because of what happened to me today.

When my tummy started playing up, I started to panic because I really didn't want to have to find a loo but the more I thought about this fear, the worse I became. I started to sweat and really feel I couldn't hold on but then I remembered what I was doing to myself! I was actually Making myself need a loo!

So the first thing I did was to focus on keeping Relaxed. My muscles were all tensed up which was putting pressure on tummy so I concentrated on just letting them go limp.

The next thing I did was to try and Ignore the feelings in my tummy.

The last thing I did was to look around at things and try to Distract my mind away from my anxious thoughts and feelings.

Gradually the feelings subsided and in the end I never needed a loo. It was simply my anxiety making me "feel" as if I needed a loo urgently when in actual fact when I forgot about it, it could wait.

This evening I then thought about panic. I know IBS and panic aren't the same thing but the same method can be used to tackle both because alot of panic we create for ourselves by fearing and dwelling on panic and the symptoms it creates. The mind is powerful and the way we think creates alot of our anxious feelings. We can cause our symptoms without us even realising it so we have to consciously regain control from our subconscious fears.

I then realised how easy it is to remember three letters that make up one word that I should remember to use to get "RID" of any future anxiety symptoms I experience while I'm out so I thought I'd share it in case it might help others too.....

Relax
Ignore
Distract

R.I.D. - easy to remember...not so easy to put into practise...I know!:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

I know I dwell constantly on my anxiety fear panic symptoms and accept this makes them worse but how can I turn this around as you say please? I am housebound and bedbound with severe anxiety panic and depression. I take meds but know half the battle is psychological. How can I do this?

[Thumbelina]

I really liked the RID thing.
I will try and use it now.

Bill and the person who is "reallyfedup", I also have runs every time my anxiety bursts.

It was always like that and I can have runds for weeks.
Therefore I try to drink allot those days and just wait for it to go away.
I eat bananas in these days, drinking youghurts, porridge, and (dont laugh) baby milk formula as my appetite also dissapears and with the runs - not very good.

There are way to trick our mind.

The other day I was having some obsessive thoughts and then told myself - the possibility of this happenening the same as of me having a swine flu or having a heart attacks or anything else you pich - and it is not more then amy other person with my condition will have so - I shouldnt be confident that it will definately happen to me.

[Annabelle]

RID - i like that! if im having a really bad day i might write that on my hand to focus me! plus when you've done all three steps your rid of your panic - genius!

anna xx

[lorac]

I shall print those words on my brain Bill, thanks for another great post Bill.

Carol x

[Bill]

Reallyfedup:hugs:

When a mechanic is given a car which refuses to start, he requires 4 things to fix it - Knowledge, Tools, Determination.....and Lots of Patience!

Therefore, in answer to your questions, firstly, you need to get to know your enemy so that you can devise a plan to defeat it. Secondly, you need to put your plan into action with the weapons you've obtained. Thirdly, you need willpower and determination to keep battling and lastly, you need patience until you've won.

However, the word "battling" can be misleading because we do often try to fight against our symptoms which then tenses us up further. In actual fact, it's learning "I don't care" attitude.

Gryphoenix will like this if she sees it!......I can always remember a star trek episode where Cpt Kirk and the crew were on a planet where they were being forced to re-enact the gunfight at the Ok corral. There was no escape but to go through with the gunfight but they discovered but they would only be shot if they believed the bullets were real. They then got Mr. Spock to give them all a "mindmeld" (yeah, I know:blush: ) to fill in any doubts in their minds because the slightest doubt would cause them to be shot. Of course the mindmeld worked, the bullets were blanks and they gained their freedom.

Ok, my point....

I found this from one of your previous posts...

I don't go out at all at the moment. If I felt that I had to go out I would go into panic.

There is one important word that I've highlighted...."WOULD". In other words, you're convincing yourself that if you felt you had to go into a gunfight, you Would be shot and therefore, as you say, you Would be because you've convinced yourself panic Would happen.

This means that before you've even walked out the door, you're already defeated. You ask....I take meds but know half the battle is psychological. How can I do this? Well, part of learning to win the battle is learning that panic shoots blanks! It won't harm you if you convince yourself it won't just like Capt. Kirk.

I dwell constantly on my anxiety fear panic symptoms and accept this makes them worse but how can I turn this around as you say please?

You've accepted that thinking as you are will make you feel worse. The worries we think about aren't really the main issue though because what is important to learn is how we "react" to these thoughts. We tend to treat anxious thoughts like live bullets and because we do, they hurt us! Going back to that word "battling", another part we need is to learn is not accepting that we Will feel worse but instead to accept the thoughts without trying to resist them.

When we have an anxious thought it's like putting a spider in front of us! We scream first and ask questions later! What we need to learn is to say to ourselves "oh right, it's a spider" and move on as if it was unimportant. In the same way, when we get an anxious thought, we should just "release it" by using the same attitude that it's "just a thought" and is unimportant.

There are other things but too much to type! I would say though "don't try to run before you learn to walk again". Take small steps using the "right" attitude with the "right" approach.

I knew someone once who was just as ill as yourself but the last I heard was that they are now working and going abroad on holidays so you should Never give up hope!

Panic only wins if we allow it to. I used to have panic attacks myself but I haven't had a full attack now for years so I know it's possible to defeat them.

One question always comes to mind - "What's the difference between someone who goes out without suffering panics and someone who can't? The person who goes out has never suffered a panic so never "THINKS" about them. Therefore, the way to get to where they are is to remember panics never used to be a problem Because we never Thought about them.

You see, we sneeze but we forget about it but we sneeze throughout our lives. We panic though, we never forget those symptoms because they frighten us! Learn to treat them as being "natural" just like sneezing and they'll stop preventing you from living your life.:hugs:

Thumbalina:hugs:

You know they say we should have 5 fruit/veg a day? Well, I find the fruit just upsets my stomach so like you, I eat bananas because not only have I heard they're supposed to be good for us but I also find they don't upset me!

I shouldnt be confident that it will definately happen to me.

Another word for you....remember to "Rationalise". Headlines will always say the worst such as 100 people in this country have come down with swine flu. Well, one thing to remember...that means there are 59,999,900 people unaffected that don't make the headlines. You could even win the lottery!:winks:

One last thought, if our tummy is doing somersaults then we will panic about needing a loo. If we relax our tummy, the feelings go and we don't worry! Therefore, if we can learn how to keep relaxed no matter what thoughts we keep thinking, the anxious symptoms are prevented from surfacing and we then stop worrying about panics.:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

bill thank you but I am permanently dizzy, off balance, shaking, palps, rushes of adrenaline , vomiting, loose bowels and bladder etc. If I get out of bed these syptoms multiply and if I go out of the house - in car with hubby maybe twice in last 2 months I lose control completely. The dr is at his wits end. I have got worse over the last 6 months to a point where I can't do anything. Can't look after myself let alone my kids. husband has even had to start leaving me a packed lunch- just can't calm down enough and be rid of these feelings to a point where I could move forward. Had counselling for years- been taking meds for years but recently changed onto cital and now escital. I'm popping tranqs- Librium and that scares me and take sleeping tabs but only get 3 or4 hours a night. Always wake early 4ish and the waves of adrenaline rush through me and that's it i am in a state all day 24/7. Sorry to go on .......but the physical symptoms are so distressing they are impossible to ignore. They arrive before the thoughts.

[Bill]

I've been looking at your other posts to get a feel for the issues that are affecting you and the main points I've noticed so far are that you suffered post-natal depression 14 years ago and the panics started around that time(?) Also that you have been taking meds for a long time now but you get no support from your husband which is very sad. I think though this is a common theme that contributes as a block towards recovery because we feel so afraid and alone that we really need love and support from our partner to help us get better. I think alot of anxiety sufferers suffer more than they should for this same reason because they don't receive the emotional support they need from their partner. It's very sad.

Anyway, I think the main cause to your problem is like many others which you've summed up in this sentence I am scared to death of feeling scared!:

When we suffer our very first panic attack, it can rock us to the core as it can feel a terrible shock to the system. The fear we feel can be overwhelming and if it isn't treated immediately, it can become deep-seated.

When we experience our first attack, we most often end up down the doctors asking for them to give us something to stop the feelings ever coming back but when the meds don't cure us, we then retreat into "safe zones" so that we never expose ourselves to those feelings.

However, even when we retreat indoors, fear follows us because no matter where we go, fear will always remain within us until it's treated. Therefore, just as you mention in another post about your son going away, his departure triggers your fear which then causes the anxious feelings (panic) that you are trying to avoid.

You see, life is full of risk. It's unavoidable but if we try to keep to a "safe" path in an attempt to "control" life to prevent panic attacks, every time the unavoidable happens just as with your son, you are forced off your "safe" path and in doing so you will suffer anxiety and panic.

Trying to stay safe means keeping rigid. Rigid means tension. Tension creates a vulnerability to a bad temper, frustration, irritability, and anxiety which can also lead to a depressed state. Trying to stay safe is like putting a parrot in a cage to keep it "safe". The parrot though needs freedom to live so he doesn't feel safe - he feels trapped. Feeling trapped, he turns on himself and pulls his feathers out just as we turn in on ourselves and focus on our negative feelings.

the physical symptoms are so distressing they are impossible to ignore. They arrive before the thoughts.

Once fear becomes so deep-seated, it becomes a "habitual" way of thinking but because it's become habitual, we're not aware we Are thinking about fear.

For instance, fear then stays with us 24 hours a day. We've become so used to fearing fear symptoms, we expect the fear to always be with us, so it is. It isn't that they arrive before your thoughts, it's just that they've become habit.

You're expecting the feelings so you're constantly watching out for them. You then focus All your attention "inwardly" so that you not only are afraid of fear symptoms themselves but you're then also afraid of the symptoms "arriving" like an unwelcome guest.

It's like "feeling constant fear" of fear arriving and when as you expect it does arrive, you immediately feel afraid because it's become habit to "feel fear" of fear symptoms.

In other words, fear controls you in everything you attempt because you're expecting to feel fear everywhere so you are desperately trying to avoid it but that means you constantly live in fear of fear symptoms surfacing. Fear controls your life in a personal world full of fear. Does that make sense?

When we are so deeply controlled by fear, it can feel impossible to ignore the symptoms our world of fear creates but "ignore" comes after "relax". We have to learn how to relax before we feel able to ignore and only once we've learnt how to ignore, can we then feel able to concentrate on distracting our minds to break the cycle.

On other thing about the "make up" of fear is that often we are so desperate not to experience fear symptoms that we often look for a "quick fix" through medication. It's important to realise though that meds will only help to ease the worst of the symptoms but they don't cure us of experiencing fear. However, we will often go round in circles trying different meds trying to find one that will cure us. When we don't find a cure though, by focussing so much on meds, meds can actually make us focus more on our anxiety because the meds we take become a constant reminder that we're suffering from anxiety. Remember though, that anxiety feeds on anxiety so the actual cure for anxiety is to learn to "accept" these feelings as being normal so that we can ignore them which then means panics are no longer a problem.

Meds can certainly help to ease symptoms and can help us feel well enough to cope but when we don't find something that suits us and we don't feel well "enough" on the ones we continually take, meds can actually make things worse. Also we can become afraid of stopping what we're taking so again meds can end up feeding our anxiety. Like I say though, meds serve a purpose and they can help. I'm just trying to highlight that they "can" have a negative side too.

Anyway, what you really need is a therapist to visit you in your home to show you step-by-step how to change your thinking processes so that you no longer focus so much on fear.

However, it is very possible to help ourselves just as I have in lots of ways compared to how I used to be But it is very difficult when we feel alone with no support because immediately we already feel afraid so I can truly understand how you must be feeling. My only wish would be that I could pop round to "hold your hand" to help you all I could.

What I would say though is start by learning how to relax. Look up relaxation techniques, meditation etc. The worst thing we can do is stay in bed doing nothing because our minds will constantly think about watching out for fear symptoms and focussing on them when they duly arrive.

The other thing I'd suggest is find something enjoyable to make you want to get up that you can look forward to. A hobby of some kind. You'll be very surprised to find that if you allow yourself to become totally engrossed in something you enjoy, how much better you will feel because you'll forget about watching out for fear.

The power to get better is in your Own mind but you have to learn the right techniques and not to be afraid of feelings that are actually natural that serve a purpose. They only feel worse because you focus so much on them due to your fear of them. Don't try to resist them. Let yourself go limp when you feel them. Let them go through you by relaxing your breathing and your body.

it will take time and ideally you really need a therapist to visit but I know how long we often have to wait. However, even with a therapist, they will want to push your boundaries to help you get better.:hugs:

[Phil H]

...i think what "reallyfedup" is saying like myself when you are feeling very ill and getting physical symptoms its very hard not to think about it...Bill you have to understand that some of us go thru 24/7 of this and doesnt only appear in certain situations it just intensifys...my doc is also at his wits end with me, we have tried everything bar meds (fear of taking them to add to my list) but he has told me that there is no other option than to go onto a benzo indefinately (bare in mind this doc is voted best in the region i say this because i know most dont agree with long term benzo) its my only chance seeing as all therapy has failed i have suffered for over 19 years now 39 my youth has gone death is getting nearer...whatever any of you say panic does harm you not just mentally...for example if i had heart issues my disorder would be bad for it...my lack of concentration whilst attempting to drive is dangerous...dont get me wrong i am not totally housebound i can do a few things under no pressure but am in major discomfort even when ignoring it...nausea pain weakness still present..i do find however alcohol helped take the pain away etc hence the doc saying get off that track for a start and get onto these (xanax) as its safer and you really do need them for your own longevity.

[reallyfedup]

bill I thank you wholeheartedly for the time and effort you have taken to really understand me. Yesterday I repeatedly played a cd of realaxation by Glenn harrold. I think it started to work after 5 hours! I got up for a couple of hours after tea. I have playing it again today and so I begin with your 'r' of RID. I am going to listen to it again soon to 'top myself up' on calming and realxing thoughts. Have you any experience of him? Thank you genuinely I am sorry to hear phil you feel awful too
sara :bighug1:

[Gryphoenix]

The OK Corral Episode is a great example, Bill! :yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:

Sometimes I feel like I need to take a few more lessons from Spock, lol! In the new movie they really emphasize the fact that Vulcans do have emotions, they just supress them, and they're often more powerful than human's. Clare Weekes says that when we're sensitized, our emotions and reactions are super exaggerated. I notice this, I take small things and end up making them into big things, like when watching American Idol, for one! I would nearly give myself a panic every results show. I feel like a Vulcan who needs to use their logical side to combat this. :D

I believe my problem is falling into the 'thinking' rut. I've been doing great with 'Ignoring' my physical feelings but I'm having trouble 'Ignoring' my thoughts. Oftentimes distraction makes me nervous by the very act of distracting, because I'm so used to associating distraction itself with being nervous. Like right now I know I'll be okay doing certain physical things (remember my heart worry?) but I get so nervous automatically even before I have a chance to rationalize! My subconcious always seems to have a secret back way round my head so it can get to the front faster, lol. :scared15:

[Bill]

Golden Phoenix:hugs:

Glad you saw that! I knew you'd appreciate it!

Sensitivity has its benefits but it can also create problems for us because upsetting events will affect us more than others but then it often also means we have the ability for empathy.

I'm not sure exactly what you're saying about distraction phoenix but if we use distraction as a "conscious deliberate" way to defend ourselves against fearful thoughts and feelings then our subconscious will be aware that we're trying to put up a barrier to avoid thoughts which will then mean that we're using distraction as a deliberate weapon to help us "fight against" anxious thoughts and feelings.

What I'm trying to say is that you have a fear connected to your heart so you use exercise as a defence against your fear. Therefore, you're using exercise as a deliberate distraction against your thoughts. Your subconscious wll be aware that you're only using exercise as a defence and this will then trigger your fearful thoughts because you're using exercise to try and "fight" against your fear so you feel anxious before exercising. Sorry, I maybe on the wrong lines with what you're saying and what I'm trying to say is difficult to explain but when we use distraction, it has to used in the right way to be effective.

I'll try and explain better....your fear is connected to your heart. Exercise can work as a distraction but the reason you use exercise is to protect your heart because of your fear. This means you will feel anxious before exercising because your subconscious will be aware that you're using exercise to "fight against" your fear and this will trigger your fearful thoughts.

If though you became engrossed in a Star Trek movie, you'd become engrossed simply because you were enjoying the film so much. There would be no connection with your fear so you wouldn't be deliberately using it as distraction (as a weapon) to block out your fear. Therefore, you would "forget" your fear so would feel relaxed.

It's a bit like saying "I must do "this" to protect myself against "my fear" and it will also distract me From my fear" but because it's connected to your fear, you tense up which then triggers anxious thoughts. Distraction should be used to "forget" our fear so there mustn't be a reason for the distraction connected to our fear or it becomes "deliberate" and our subconscious becomes aware which will trigger our anxiety.

Hope that makes sense even if it's not what you're talking about! lol Boy, that's difficult to explain!

Sara:hugs:

No, I haven't come across Glenn Harrold so I don't know what the cd's like but the most effective relaxation method I've used is where a voice on a cd instructs you to focus on each muscle and every part of your body telling you to clench that area very tight then slowly release it until it becomes limp. I found it works in 2 ways - a distraction to stop you thinking about feelings and thoughts, and a way of getting the body totally relaxed.

Phil:) ,

I do understand that panic feelings can be with us 24/7 and they don't always just happen under certain circumstances. I can also understand how the feelings would intensify.

It's rather like I was trying to say that no matter how far we try to retreat or escape our fears, fears will surround us and so take control of our lives.

If we suffer a panic attack when we're out, we'll want to stay indoors but then we fear going out and our fear of feeling those anxiou feelings will then occupy our minds 24/7 so that we become afraid of doing anything for fear of feeling fear.


I think my anxiety really started in my teens with OCD, health anxiety, toilet phobia and IBS. After marrying my wife with her severe illness and trying to hold down a f/t job, my anxiety grew much worse causing my depressed state so I turned to selfh. taking od's and the odd bottle or 2! This is also when my panic attacks began whilst I was also taking meds. I ended up hooked on diazepam. The panic attacks and OCD then prevented me from going out. I couldn't even walk down the road for fear of panics, let alone be in shops. It was awful!

Anxiety ruled my life at that point. Fears were on my mind constantly so I could never relax from morning to night or asleep with nightmares. I lost all hope and couldn't see any escape. I had no one to turn to for help either.

I tried CBT, counselling, all meds and was even given ECT but the best therapy I ever found was to try and help myself.

I don't know all the answers. I'm always learning. All I can ever hope for is to hopefully type something that might help someone somwhere who is suffering as I used to. If I can just help someone to feel even a tiny bit better then my job is done.

It's true to say I'm not totally content but then nor does anxiety control me like it used to but the main reason I'm here is to hopefully help someone lead a happier life. If I gain friends as a result, that's a bonus.:hugs:

[Thumbelina]

Sorry, Bill,

As I dont think I can find quickly enough your background,
can you please clarify whether you are still suffering or you are recovered sufferer?

I believe that your very long statements shows that whether you have recovered or still suffering - you are having a good experience in this illness.

[Bill]

Thumbalina:hugs:

I would guess the best way to describe myself is that on the whole I have learned to cope with my anxiety. Anxiety doesn't hinder me from what I want to do although I do still have bad days but I know now how to deal with them. It takes alot these days to trigger any bad anxiety. I think I suffer more from a low mood rather than anxiety problems but I can find enjoyment in each day which helps me to forget any low feelings.

As for my background, I'd call myself a "general worrier". I have memories from my childhood where I was afraid of illnesses and germs. In my teens I can remember being sick when I read or heard things in the paper or Tv that frightened me. This developed into OCD which combined with me becoming a "checker". I used to check locks, windows, switches...everything loads of times...before I'd go out. OCD affected me in Lots of ways such as binning things I thought were contaminated, avoiding the colour black, constantly washing etc.

In my teens I didn't even realise I had a problem so I never received any help. Health anxiety became a major problem. I was constantly visiting the doctors with various worries but still they never recognised how serious my anxiety had become.

When I started work I was extremely shy. I just wouldn't talk unless spoken to. My toilet phobia had become a bad problem too. I used to block loos up with paper because of my anxiety.

I've also always had a fear of living alone. I think this started from the pram but became worse after all my brothers and sister had left home at more or less the same time. I never had any girlfriends due to my shyness and bad skin so it wasn't until my late 20's before I any girl showed any interest in me. When my future wife came along, she was the first woman I got serious with in every sense.

However, she had a severe illness but because of my fear of always being alone and my past experiences, I thought I'd never meet any other woman. I also wanted to help her though so within the same year we married.

Her illness though triggered my anxiety to become much worse. Every day was a constant emotional bombardment of irrational questions and paranoia. I couldn't escape, even if I locked myself in the bathroom or ran out the door. There was no hiding place and I always had to come back. After 4 years trying to cope alone with her illness and my anxiety, I started to become ill. My anxiety was gradually getting worse at work too. My boss began to notice how late I was in the mornings, how "spaced out" I was at meetings etc. This was because my mind just couldn't focus on anything because of my anxious feelings.

I can always remember the day when I knew I had a serious problem. One Saturday evening in October I went to do the washing up but all I could see was a black hole and me falling down it. It really scared me so I went to lay on the bed. After seeing the doctor, he put me on my first meds - diazepam - but things still got worse.

I started suffering panic attacks. They occurred anywhere - at home, at work, in shops etc. I was even taken to hospital once, only to find out it was just a panic attack. Some months later I lost my job on ill health grounds and when I told my boss what I'd been through, she cried. She had no idea what I'd been trying to cope with in silence.

They then tried various meds but none had any lasting effect. The psychiatrist then decided to give me ECT but once was enough! They also tried CBT, counselling, a psychologist and relaxation classes etc. They helped but because I still had major stress at home without any support, I lost hope. I started to drink, selfharm and later took od's. I admit they were really a cry fr help but there was also an element within me that really didn't care if I took Too many. I couldn't see any future anyway. I'd become agoraphobic. I couldn't even walk down the road. Everything represented fear.

One day I heard on the News about a mother who had received no support and that she couldn't take anymore. I realised then that I wasn't alone nd since no one would help me either with the things I really needed, I started to help myself.

I began with coming off all my meds but it took me 6 months to come off the diazepam. Other ad's weren't a problem. I'd tried ad's such as prozac, ciprimil, seroxat, dothiepin, sertaline etc. (Sorry if I've spelt any wrong!) I decided for myself what would help me to cope with my anxiety. I also looked for voluntary work and relaxation methods. I pushed for support for my wife which in turn took pressure off me. I also looked to make contact with other anxiety sufferers and as I became better, I was able to offer advice that helped others. I found it actually also helped me. It made me feel worth something so I started to look for more avenues where I could reach out. The determination came from what I'd heard on the News and the thought of others being where I was. I wanted to try and prevent other tragic cases because they too felt alone with their anxieties.

Eventually I found another job at a hospital which I enjoyed but my father became ill and later died on the ward I was working on which set me back. I became reluctant to go back in and because of earning restraints and the pressures at home, I decided to focus my attention on fellow anxiety sufferers.

These days I still have my voluntary work, I don't take any meds and I cope with my anxiety. I still have pressures and I still feel alone but I do find enjoyment each day even when I'm feeling low. I just wish I could do more to help others.:hugs:

[Thumbelina]

Bill,

Thank you for taking time to answer my question about your background. I hope your wife is doing well.

Feelig low and falling into depression is also my biggest issue recently.
I think I know how to deal with the anxeity, panic and health anxieties now after 3,5 years. Though at times I have trouble controlling sliding down moods. Its mainly connected to attacks in my case and to some domestic issues with my husband. This makes me feel at times trapped and depressed.

Though my kids are the light always, i have realised it with the recent relapse.

Helping other sufferers is also something that gives so much hope.

Take care

[Bill]

Feeling trapped will always make someone feel depressed but sometimes I think to escape can cause more harm than good but it really depends on a persons conscience and priorities in life. We all have to live with our consciences.

Sometimes, although far from ideal, I feel we can but try to find enjoyment in living within our self-imposed limitations.:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

dear bill- you obviously know how is feels to be alone frightened and unsupported. . X I feel the same -as you know. I have come to realize that the Drs and health services deliver what they choose to and there is no package of support that is appropriate for my needs. I need to be able to talk things through, check things, ask questions at a time when I need. But no, we have to wait , tormented till our next appt. This site is ok but most often I need a 'professional' opinion as sometimes others experiences and views conflict etc are frightening to me.

[reallyfedup]

just to add insult to injury I find that the views of the professions conflict too! One tells me to take my tranqs, another says no, a counsellor says do the advantages outweigh the negatives- you decide?!?? F ing hell!!! My son is really ill today and I can't cope! Husband at bloody work! No support! Aaarrrrgggghhhhh

[Bill]

you obviously know how is feels to be alone frightened and unsupported. . X

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. xxx I've barely ever "received" the things I need but always had to "give". It feels like my fate. This may sound an arrogant thing to say but I'm really just repeating what people constantly say to me "We don't know what we'd do without you" but I've always thought "What about Me?".

I admit I really enjoy giving though so in some ways I guess I've only myself to blame whether it's helping my now ill mother, my ill wife, my frail old dog, doing my vol work that no one else can do because of their age or even in my sporting activities where they say they rely on me.

When I first suffered with panic attacks and was takn to hospital, a nurse just treated me with disdain for wasting her time and when I selfharmed another said "think of your wife", and a doctor asked "why was I wasting his time when there were "genuinely ill" people. I know it wasn't their fault but it did nothing to help me.

All I've done to help "me" I've had to do for myself because no one else ever has. I had 2 motivations I guess - 1) Because I hated the the thought of others feeling the same as me and 2) Because I felt if I gave up on life, it would be more of a crime than trying to stay around to support others.

When I am faced with extra worries, that's when I feel most alone and all those feelings from the past come more to the fore but I have no choice but to keep going because people depend on me but I enjoy helping them. It's just a double edged sword though but as time as gone by I now feel resigned to never receiving the things I need. Such is life though I guess. Maybe one day I'll find out why I was born to just give because I honestly don't know why. :shrug:

Sorry if that sounds depressing. I wish I could be there to support you.:bighug1: xxxxxx

[Thumbelina]

Bill and Reallyfedup,

I trully share your experience with the medical providers especially in the beginning, 4 years ago. I felt that they have been revolted by me, and when I confronted one of the doctors - he wrote in the medical records which i saw later, along with other nonsence observations he made about me "agressive behaviour", just cause it was easier for him to close the file and give me some shots in the ER to turn me into zombie.

Unfortunatelly not all doctors are genuine helpers. They just do their job.
Fortunately there are others that can be really helpfull. The problem is that there are not so many of them for us, and it is a pure luck if you find one who really cares for you to recover.
It can be also simply an ambitious person who just wants you to cure somebody to get another trophy - which is still good enough for us, because the result is the same. My brother was terminally ill and his doctor was determined to get him better and found some medication that still been tested and convinced my brother to go for some new type of chemotherapy as he was sure it will help him. It was a hight risk, and he had to sign the papers and etc. but because of the determination doctor had, my brother was convinced and it worked, many years after he is doing good. This doctor was his angel.
I met some very unprofessional pshychotherapists - that use patients to compare to themselves to cure their own damaged for whatever reasons confidence. Lucklily when I was extremely volnurable I could not be that easily fooled - so I got rid of those doctors on spot.
I see now a pshychotherapist (very rarely now, as I am not good at keeping appointments) who is a very nice jenuenly kind person, who can barely speak english, or my native language but the Will to help me shines through his eyes, and he is happy as a child every time when we talk and he finds that there is a progress with me. He is very flexible with the appointments as well, whenever i decide to show up basically.
Before when in relapses very often and for a long period it was not actually helping when my doctor was available all the time. You become annoying and addicted to his help. I got to the point when I was actually stopping myself calling, texting and visiting doctor because even i realised that it was probably too much. It is an artificial crunch that I created for myself.

Thats probably why they restrict in your area to appoitnments only, to let you find the way to cope by yourself. Though it doesnt feel like that at a time, it feels like nobody cares about you, and doesnt realise how desperate you are for help.
I hope my experince gives you a hope that not all doctors are not there to offer the help we need.
I hope that you will bump accidently into the doctor that will be helpfull and will see you when you need him and not when he has available time for an appointment.

Take care

[reallyfedup]

you know, more than anything I'd just like to hear someone tell me that I'll get better x:blush:

[Bill]

With the right support, you Will get better!.....and I'd be wiling to do all I can to help you along!:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

thank you bill, and when I AM better I hope I might just be half as good a person as you -bless you x

[reallyfedup]

I need people with a good 'bedside manner' who can be very reassuring and positive. Sadly I have not found this in a dr or cpn. The women are the worst in my experience too!

[Bill]

You're already a better person than me. I'm a weak person. I spent most of yesterday crying due to some upsetting news.

I just believe that good caring people should never be allowed to suffer alone.:hugs:

[suzy-sue]

Oh Bill. Im so sorry :hugs: .You are a kind thoughtful man and you are definately not weak. Only just seen this post . Sent you pm earlier. :bighug1: Luv sue xx

[Bill]

You're Very kind Sue but you should have seen me. I just couldn't stop!:weep: Wish I was stronger like other blokes. I'll explain more when I reply to your pm.:hugs: xxx

[reallyfedup]

bill
I am sorry to hear you have been upset. You are brave to cry and let your feelings out and not weak! I cry every day - several times ! Must be a pressure release valve. Please pm me if you want. I have been taking your advice though..... Still trying to relax as much as possible and today under the watchful eye of my husband sat in the garden for an hour. Tough but I did it. I have spent all evening watching tv in the lounge- not in bed! Remember a problem shared ......? Lots of love to you x:bighug1:

[Bill]

Ten days ago you posted the following...

I know I dwell constantly on my anxiety fear panic symptoms and accept this makes them worse but how can I turn this around as you say please? I am housebound and bedbound with severe anxiety panic and depression. I take meds but know half the battle is psychological. How can I do this?

Ten days on, you can no longer say you're housebound because you've spent an hour in the garden today and nor can you say you're bedbound because you also sat in the lounge all evening.:winks:

I'm Proud of you!!!:yesyes: Yes, it was tough But you DID IT!...and that's what you need to keep reminding yourself...you CAN do it! Now, make it a habit. Use this fine weather we're having to your advantage by sitting in the garden Every day so that you become used to it. I know your husband will probably be going back to work but at first, if you prefer, sit outside in the evenings while he's around and it's cooler.

When it gets dark, make sure you stay out of bed and if you need to lie down, lie on the sofa. Make Sure you don't give in to the feeling of needing to stay in bed because although you may feel it's safer, your worrying thoughts will run riot and so make you feel even more incapable of getting up.

In my opinion, you've taken the first step to getting better! Yes, you need to focus on keeping relaxed but now that you're "free" from the confinds of your bed, you now have the opportunity to focus your mind on "enjoyable" distractions.

When you sit in the garden, try not to sit there doing "nothing". Take a book to read, a radio or something to do such as sewing, knitting or a crossword etc. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it focuses your mind away from any panicky thoughts or symptoms. This will help you to Stay relaxed. Do the same when you sit in the lounge.

Distracting the mind may sound a little thing to do but it can actually be of immense benefit because it trains your mind to think in a different way by creating a new thought process to "forget" to think about anxious thoughts or feelings. The more our minds become accustomed to "forgetting" anxiety, the more the symptoms subside, the more our confidence builds and the anxiety we experience then becomes much more manageable.

Now that you've taken this first step, keep moving forward by finding things to make you Want to get up every morning. Things to look forward to.

I realise it'll be far from easy, that it will take time and you will probably have setbacks. The important thing though is to not beat yourself up because you've had a bad day. Just forget and move on by reminding yourself of all you've previously achieved.....and since ten days ago, you've already achieved rather alot!:bighug1:

A lady is allowed to cry when she's hurting and a man should be there to dry her tears and comfort her to ease her pain to keep her smiling.:) :hugs:

[reallyfedup]

Bill thank you!!!. I am up again watching tv. Did crossword with husband and made lunch. Took a new med today which I was given Friday but have been too scared to take!took 1 less tranq too. Ate lunch in garden with family( not been able to sit and eat with them for months - took meals in bed) you're an inspiration love x I really hope you feel better x

[Bill]

That's Brilliant!:yesyes: Another Huge achievement to make a note of...Ate lunch in garden with family( not been able to sit and eat with them for months - took meals in bed)

You're going from strength to strength and you're doing this "Yourself". I feel Really Pleased for you and Very Proud of you to come so far in such a short period of time.

I think you have much more inner strength than you realised! You're doing Amazingly well!:yesyes: :hugs:

One important thing to remember is that you keep reminding yourself of all you've achieved And more importantly "how" you've achieved it - in the way you've been thinking and the things you've been doing. Remember to put all you've learnt into practise when you're alone And remember not to dwell on "bad days" because we All get them! We only go backwards if we allow bad days to knock us back because we forget all the good days we had previously.

As and when you feel ready, "gently" push your boundaries to achieve a small goal at a time. Don't try to take on everything at once or attempt something too big that you don't really feel ready to face because when we try this and things go wrong, our confidence can plummet which can set us right back. Take Small steps at a time to allow your confidence to gradually build as you've been doing so far.

Examples depending on how your anxiety affects you could be going for a short walk on your own, joining a hobby group or even taking on vol work etc.

What I would suggest is you list all the things you want to achieve on a scale of "anxiety" difficulty - 1 to 10. In particular, target the least difficult goals because as you achieve each goal, your confidence receives a boost which means by the time you reach the "10's" on your list, they will then feel more like "1"'s because as your confidence builds, your anxiety and fear lowers. As you achieve each goal, tick them off together with the goals you've already achieved so far so that if you do have a setback or a bad day, you can look at your list of achievements to remind yourself how capable you Really are to get you back on course.

At the bottom of your list, set ultimate goals to give yourself a target to aim for. This will help focus your mind and provide you with motivation to keep you going.

I always find that when I go to the shops, it helps to carry a list with me so that I have a plan of objectives which keeps me focused on my targets. Sometimes if we go out aimlessly, our minds will wander and we'll panic.

I believe it's all about training the mind - that's the real cure...as you're proving and I honestly feel that from you've already achieved you Will get better and be able to enjoy life.

You're doing Brilliantly and I Sincerely believe that you are capable of going from strength to strength to achieve All your goals!:bighug1:

[reallyfedup]

back on my own today and feeling' really bad in many ways- emotionally and panicky and physically sick. But although I am in bed again I may go back to sleep then wake up a bit better. Thanks bill. Will post later x

Later- following a tranq and a sleep and my hypno cd I have calmed down a lot. Work hr phoned- coming to see me Friday. Made me freak out but I am going to put cd on and relax then get out of bed at tea time and stay out! X
Night time
I got up and ate tea with family. Brushed and played with dog in garden. Spent tonight with kids and watching tv!?!?!? Xxxx

[Bill]

back on my own today and feeling' really bad in many ways- emotionally and panicky and physically sick. But although I am in bed again I may go back to sleep then wake up a bit better.

I must admit I rather expected this to happen because you've only just started your recovery after many months of feeling ill and it is much harder when you're left on your own with no support.

Night time
I got up and ate tea with family. Brushed and played with dog in garden. Spent tonight with kids and watching tv

If you compare the morning period to the night time, what made the difference to how you felt? I would suspect that in the evening it was purely having the family around you and not feeling on your own. Therefore, you felt better and more capable because of the "secure feeling" they provided you which would mean that when you're on your own your confidence disappears because you feel insecure which then triggers your anxiety. Therefore, if you could feel more secure in yourself when you're alone, your anxiety would be controlled.

In my experience, imagine that one night you go to bed knowing that the next day you will be faced with something you know will make you feel very anxious. You wake the next morning and immediately your mind reminds you of the ordeal you're going to have to face that day. However, the ordeal will be later in the day so there's no rush to get up. You therefore decide to stay in bed because there's no immediate rush and also because that's where you feel "safest". You go back to sleep but when you wake once more, your mind immdiately reminds you that the ordeal is still there and will have to be faced but again because the thought of this ordeal makes you feel so anxious, you decide to stay where you feel "safest". You end up staying there until you don't have to face the ordeal because time has gone by and now it's too late.

The ordeal has passed without having to face it. It's been "avoided" and so you now feel safe to get up.

Next day though, once more you are faced with the same ordeal and once more the cycle repeats in a neverending daily ritual.

So, how do you break this cycle and achieve feeling as well as you do when you feel secure when the family is around you?

Firstly, you have to bear in mind a couple of things. Your bed may feel like your "safe zone" but in reality it is your "cage" that keeps you "trapped" with anxiety. You're a parrot wanting to be free but you are surrounded by cage bars of "fear". Fear keeps you in your cage and the more you focus on your cage bars (fear), the more ill and weaker you feel with anxiety. Therefore, as you lay there knowing that you have an ordeal to face which frightens you, your thoughts will focus on that fear which then create neverending anxious symptoms.

The other thing you need to bear in mind is one word - "Avoidance". You see, you have created a daily routine of avoidance because the fearful feelings have become so intense after months of creating a "habit" of "knowing" how ill you will feel every day when you wake. Your mind has created a "habit" of expecting the same feelings every day so that when you go to bed every night, you're already dreading waking the next day.

So then how do you open the door to your cage? The simple truth is that as soon as you wake, you get up Immediately so that your mind isn't given a chance to trigger the daily ritual. Force yourself to make this a "new habit".

Once you're out of bed, Immediately get dressed. If you then do start feeling anxious, go and make a cuppa and sit on the sofa or in the garden. Remind yourself that your bed is your cage and does Not represent safety. Your bed isn't your friend, it's your enemy!

If you still feel you need to relax but can't face doing anything, sit on the sofa a while and then play the cd.

What I think then would also really help you, is introducing an enjoyable hobby. Something that would provide you with incentive and motivation to want to get up.

To put into simplistic terms, what's happening is like having an exam to face but every day avoiding to take the exam so that the fear continues every day until you force yourself to take the exam.

Another way at looking at it is that you have become highly sensitive to every day because every day represents fear. It's Not about confronting your fear but more like "de-sensitising" to your fear by creating a new habit by re-programming how your mind reacts to waking every day.

The most important thing to remember when you're alone is to get up Immediately when you wake by reminding yourself that your bed is your cage and Not a place of safety. Once you make this your new habit, you will then feel more able to take the next step until you find getting up can be enjoyable, even when alone! :bighug1:

By the way, I've Always hated being or feeling on my own dreading the anxiety of having to face a new day, waking in a sweat, so I'm only advising what has helped me.:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

thanks bill, it makes sense. However I wake at 4-5 ish and the thing is I don't want to disturb the family. I get up as I have to use toilet! And have a cuppa with a tranq. I just want to sleep again though cos I'm sooooo tired.

[reallyfedup]

thanks bill, it makes sense. However I wake at 4-5 ish and the thing is I don't want to disturb the family. I get up as I have to use toilet! And have a cuppa with a tranq. I just want to sleep again though cos I'm sooooo tired.when I get up again about 7 I am feeling so physically sick and often vomit, so it is a bad start and you are right- I dread it and expect it every day.

[Bill]

A couple of thoughts which I think you should consider....

Broken sleep will often be enough in itself to make you feel sick in the morning but I realise that your sleep is probably broken due to the constant anxiety.

However, I'm really not sure it's helping you to a) have a cuppa when you wake in the night or b) that it's a good time to take a tranq. I honestly feel that once you've been to the loo that you should try getting back to bed straightaway even if you are feeling anxious.

I believe, although I'm not 100% certain, a cuppa in the night will act as a stimulant which would increase your anxiety and also taking a tranq at that time with only 2 or 3 hours sleep left, I feel, will be more likely to upset your mind and body because it will be having most effect when you wake at 7am which could also make you feel sick.

I feel that if you feel you need something, you should only take it before you go to bed and only again when you properly get up.

By the way, I certainly wouldn't expect you to get up Immediately and stay up halfway through the night. I meant first thing in the morning.

I honestly believe that often tranqs can cause more harm than good for a variety of reasons. I found I felt much better once I came off them. I realise though that they can also serve a purpose by easing our anxiety symptoms. However, if you look at their side-effects they can also cause insominia, nightmares, even anxiety itself! etc. The benefit of easing symptoms often comes at a price. For instance, Seroxat gave me terrible nightmares where I woke up shouting thinking I was being attacked. Diazepam actually increased my panics and also caused me to have restless sleep. Some can also cause nausea. Some drugs are very powerful and their side-effects can upset us whereas others can suit us and can help us to feel much better. It's just something to be aware of. They can "muddle" the situation if they disagree with us. After all the ones I tried, I'm very wary of them but like I say, the "right" one that suits us "can" help. There are other reasons I would try to avoid meds unless absolutely necessary but I won't go into them. You'll find more about my views on meds in some of my old posts.

Anyway, firstly I think you need to look at your nightly ritual when you wake in the night so that you find a way of sleeping right through and secondly, I think perhaps a "relaxation" ritual just before you go to sleep may help you to clear your mind so you sleep better through the night. Lastly, DON'T eat or drink anything within an hour or two of going to bed! Take your meds earlier in the evening! They'll still work just as well. My wife takes her meds with water just before she goes to bed so she Always has to get up in the night!!! Hopefully then you won't need the loo in the night so may have a better chance of sleeping right through!:bighug1:

[reallyfedup]

hi bill
I had the most terrible night. Been awake since 3.30 took a tranq about 4.30. Got no further sleep , anxiety terrible and being violently sick since 6.30. Feel so terribly ill..... Feel now I can't carry on any more x hope you ok though.

Ps I do have a relaxing night time ritual, however its spoilt by the anticipation of the morning one! X

[Bill]

I've just found this recent post of yours....

escitalopram and buspirone chlordiazepoxide and zopiclone
Please can someone offer me some assurances that this combination will help!?!?!
I have gad, severe anxiety, panic disorder, insomnia agoraphobia and depression. I am currently taking 15 mg escital and upping to 20.I take 15 mg chlordiazepoxide a day and 7.5 zop at night. The psych has just prescribed buspirone to add to the above.

I thought I'd looked up the most common side-effects of these meds. They are insomnia and nausea! Hardly surprising then that you can't sleep and keep being sick, especially when you add in your anxiety of waking every morning.

It's rather a catch 22 though. We want something to take our fear away but immediate relief remedies can sometimes actually make things worse but we then think it's our anxiety that's got worse! Another reason why i'm wary about meds for anxiety. They can muddle things.

Having said that, I was in a very similar position to yourself as at one stage I also took a concoction of meds which I still feel made my anxiety worse.

To put things another way, if one day you got up, opened the front door and was confronted by a lion, how would it make you feel? Terrified!...and the fear you felt could easily make you sick! So......how would taking a med make the lion go away?

Every morning you wake feeling terrifed due to a "lion in your mind" but meds won't make this lion go away. Remember how well you felt at the weekend? Where did the "lion" go? Did the meds frighten it off or was it simply that you felt more secure with your family around?

What I'm trying to say is that I feel this concoction of meds isn't really helping just as my concoction didn't tackle my fear so my first target was to reduce the meds to eventually come off them completely. Meanwhile, I worked out other ways to tackle how I coped with "worries" and "fears".

I just feel that when meds hinder recovery by making us feel more ill, we can struggle to put therapies or coping techniques into practice.

I was watching a ladies tennis match today. One player reached a stage where winning just one more game would win her the match but she failed and lost the set instead because her fear got the better of her. In the following set though, she got angry with herself, she became more determined and refused to let fear make her regret losing the match. As a result, she kept focused and won!

When we face a lion, we can either run or find a lion tamer (a therapist) to stand beside us to show us how to fight it off.

You may not like this but meds will never cure you and sometimes they can make our hole deeper, especially a concoction. To learn to overcome anxiety, sometimes we need just a "little" something to ease our anxiety so we can start learning how to cope better.:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

hi bill. Have stopped buspirone. Became suicidal! Still here though thank god! Have you any suggestions in how to tame that lion in the early hours? Thank you love xxx

[Bill]

When I read your recent post regarding how ill you'd become I was worried about you but also because I felt maybe I'd given you bad advice or too many issues to think about which had been too much for you. I feared I may have pushed too much on you.

I'm glad you appear to be "better" now. Your experience taking the buspirone is actually a perfect example regarding my concerns about meds for anxiety. The "right" med can help to ease our anxiety but if we're unlucky there are so many meds that can actually cause us to feel more ill through a bad reaction or through their side-effects. I realise of course though that when we feel really ill with anxiety that we do often feel we need something to to help us get through the worst period.

One of the other problems with meds is that if we take them long term, we can grow to rely on them as a comfort blanket. They may be helping but in truth they often aren't actually having any effect over a long period. For instance, stresses in our lives may become too great which then triggers a panic attack. We go to the doctor because we feel really "ill" so they prescribe meds. We get signed off and stay at home because we feel too afraid to go out. The meds that we are taking help to ease our symptoms but as time goes by, we stay at home taking the meds. However, the original causes that created our first panic attack often no longer exist because by staying at home, we're not facing the stresses that overloaded us. However, the original panic attack installed a "fear" so we do all we can to avoid putting ourselves into situations that will trigger the associated anxious symptoms because they frighten us so much and make us feel so ill.

So in effect, the original stresses no longer exist but we're left with the fear the stresses created. We're therefore taking meds to ease the created fear. However, we're now relying on our meds to ease these anxiety feelings (our "fear"). Therefore, to attempt coming off meds means that we now also have to overcome another "fear" of learning to cope without them. If therefore we attempt to stop them, our anxiety increases and more panics could result and we're left thinking that it must be because the meds were working so we can't cope without them when in actual fact it was simply our fear of coping without them that made us feel more ill.

You see, panic attacks and fear are all "psychological". "We" create our panics through the way we "think". If therefore we find ways to control our thought processes, our anxiety would ease on its own without the need of meds.

Ok, if you think of your own panics, what are you actually afraid of? I presume you're afraid of the anxiety symptoms but what is actually causing them? Your "fear". Therefore, when you start feeling ill, you keep thinking about how ill you feel which then in the end makes you vomit because you feel so terrified by your "thoughts" which have created your "feelings". As you say, when you go to bed, you're already immediately "worrying" about when you wake up and it's this "worry" that is making you feel so ill.

I must admit it rather annoys me when doctors prescribe so many meds to treat our "anxiety symptoms" rather than attempting to treat the actual "causes" because then you wouldn't even need meds. Meds can mislead us in so many ways because even by simply taking a med we're made to think we must be ill when we're not! It's just our worrying and the way we think that makes us "feel" ill.

How do I know? Because I went down the meds route but now I don't take any and haven't now for years. Like I say, yes, they can help to ease our symptoms but they can also create so many extra problems that can hinder our recovery, just as you've found! There's nothing wrong in taking meds but no one should think they "have" to because it is possible to learn to cope without if we prefer.

Anyway, I think firstly the doctors and yourself need to determine what's actually making you wake up in the early hours. Is it that you're drinking too much just before you go to bed, is it because of nightmares or is it even due to side-effects to the meds as so many can cause insomnia or increased anxiety.

I honestly can't believe that taking so many meds can be of any more benefit than taking just one at a much smaller dose. Therefore, if I were in your position I'd consider "very slowly" attempting to reduce your meds but Not before you've checked with your doctor. I would also push him for a therapist to help to explain how your thoughts are creating your panics and to show you how to counteract them.

In the short term, I'd say when you wake in the early hours, if you need to go to the loo then of course go but go straight back to bed afterwards. Don't take any meds or make a cuppa because I honestly feel they'd do more harm than good at that time of night.

The last thing I'd say is try to remember how you're "thinking" and feeling at weekends when the family is around and Try to put those thoughts into practise when you're alone by trying to train yourself not to dwell or think on symptoms. In other words, put R.I.D into practise because if you can learn to relax more by day, you'll fear less by night so wake feeling better. It's all about learning how not to be afraid of the lion because the only thing you really have to fear is the fear you create for yourself in the way you're dwelling on frightening thoughts and feelings.:hugs:

[reallyfedup]

thank you, however I am still on escital chlodiazepoxide and sleep pill zopiclone. I am messing with the timings of the 1 st 2 to try and spread the side effects and benefits. Had a big scare last week so still reeling from that. In time I will try to reduce them but for now I have become so dysfunctional I need any crutches I can get and the tiniest of steps x love sara
again a terrible night, panic, fear, dread and vomiting this morning. Not a good start. Still feel awful x hope you are ok there x

[Bill]

Fear leads to Dread, Dread leads to Panic, Panic leads to Vomit....so to stop the cycle, the fear has to be overcome but meds will only ease the daily anxious symptoms the fear creates....

I don't think Mojo (Judy) will mind me copying her thread from the success stories section but I wanted to use it as a good example.


Hi!
I have been dreading my niece's wedding for weeks because of my awful anxiety (i even get anxious about doing things in the house!) I also said I would stand up and do a reading in the church!!!! Anyway, the Big Day was yesterday. I woke feeling dreadful but I managed to go. My niece looked beautiful. I did the reading in front of the whole congregation (about 130) and after I had done it started to feel a bit calmer. I went to the reception and stayed on for the evening celebrations. I really enjoyed it and found that talking to friends and watching what was going on distracted me completely from myself and how I was feeling. For the first time in ages I felt quite like the old me!:yesyes: I even stayed right till the bitter end at 1.30 and went home in the bus provided with everyone else!!!
__________________
Judy


Look at the words I've highlighted that compare to your situation.

However, Judy's fear is different in one important way - she was fearful about a particular day whereas you're fearful about Every day. The point that does relate though is that once she had used "distraction" to get through her day, her fear subsided. However, when you wake in the early hours or first thing in the morning, there is nothing to distract you away from "thinking" about "Your feelings". Having said that though, Judy does prove that if we can find something to stop us thinking about our feelings, then the fear Does subside. Once you manage this for one morning, your dread would gradually disappear because you will have learned how to stop the incorrect thinking process.

I'm afraid to say you will continue to feel awful every day until you stop thinking about "normal" anxious feelings by learning not to dwell on them constantly by finding ways to distract yourself away from thinking about them.

If we encounter a situation that makes us feel anxious, we'll often experience palpitations due to the rush of adrenalin. If we then allow these "natural" feelings to frighten us, we'll constantly dwell on them which will then make the palpitations feel worse because we'll feel even more anxious. In the end though, nothing will happen other than a feeling of being exhausted by the whole experience! If though we treat the palpitations as "normal" (which they are!) and we don't dwell on them, we relax...and feel fine!

It's Exactly the same process with your anxious feelings. At the end of the day, we have a "choice" - continue to live in fear by Dwelling on our feelings so that we always feel awful!....or learn how to Relax, Ignore and Distract ourselves so we feel Fine!:hugs: (This is why sufferers often say CBT doesn't work because they expect it to be a magic cure. It isn't a cure though because WE hold the cure inside our minds but WE have to be prepared to use it by learning how to tackle our fears And be prepared to use the techniques CBT teaches. CBT is only a tool to show a sufferer How to tap into the cure we all hold within ourselves. However, we can All cure or learn to cope ourselves once we know how and are prepared to put the knowledge we've gained into practice no matter how afraid we feel.):hugs: