View Full Version : 1 hour long blip!
I was feeling fine - really happy -had taken my citalopram - and then out of nowhere, I suddenly felt overwhelmed by everything there is in life....
My positive thinking went straight out the window and I just broke down and sobbed like I have never cried before for about an hour.
I rang my partner and told him 'I cant cope anymore - life is always going to be like this - Its never going to get better - I cant kill myself so I will starve myself instead" I stop eating when I am really unhappy.
Honestly I don't' know why because previous to that I had replied to a post on here and was fine....
I am already fed up job searching as there are no decent jobs anywhere, I have lost interest in my job, there are family issues, I miss my Dad, I want to do some voluntary work and go to college and I am still a bit scared about that - I feel like I am going to have to take 1000mg of citalopram to be able to deal with it all! I just feel fed up that I have had to go through the past year and just feel drained...everything became too much - even though I have nothing to get upset over really, compared to what other people go through.
I absolutely cried like never before and now have to reapply my make up again :wacko:
The thing is I now feel and happy again!
Do you think this was just a 1 hour blip???? or I am worried - could this be Bi-Polar???
I reckon its a blip Poppy...Im feeling a bit better this afternoon, had a bit of a result at work and its definitely made me feel a bit more positive...
Hope it is just a blip for your sake
love Iain x
Hi Iain
Thanks for your reply. I am glad you feel better than this morning and that something has gone right for you at work.
Yeah, maybe was a blip - a short one! - I keep wondering if I have Bi-Polar and I really want to Google, but I am trying so hard not to.
I am feeling much better now - just a bit shaky - maybe it was like a panic attack but not so panicky - more of an emotional attack :wacko:
I hope we both have a better day tomorrow!
Maybe its something to do with position of the planets today or something like that...:shrug:
I Just Googled! :lac::unsure::doh:
Hey Poppy. :hugs::flowers::hugs:
Calm down. I'm sure its just a blip. I think its very easy to get blips - especially if as in your other thread the meds, anxiety or something is unsettling you digestion. That can mean both your intake of the medication and your blood sugar and hydration are all up the spout.
On top of that the whole anxiety thing is rarely a constant AND I think sometimes when our meds have been working we notice the return of any anxiety/depression all the more. Like having pain killers for toothache - when they wear off you can feel the pain all the more. So if our condition peaks then we feel it more as we'd got slightly used to it being less.
Sometimes crying can be good as atleast it a real emotion unlike anxiety and depression which are often just inside our heads. Obviously you shouldn't feel that low all the time, or even at all if possible, but no harm done. As your other half is doubtless still at work HERE IS ANOTHER BIG HUG. Hopefully that will see you through till they get home.
You are obviously looking at some big new challenges with the college and voluntary. Well done for that - its more than me and I'm (much:weep:) older. I'm sure you wouldn't have got as far in even thinking about those if you hadn't made some good progress lately. Its one of the subtle ways meds can help and we don't always notice. Making those ideas more real though is a new opening for the anxiety/depression that your words suggest so they've decided to give you a bit of a kicking. Once they've stopped you can pick yourself up and prove to them that you are the boss.
Sorry to hear you miss your dad. s**t - Something told me to make a search before I finished posting and I realise your Dad died... My Dad died in November aged 89 so I think we have a bit in common there - may be similar ages too. I was also sorry to read the other stuff - so clearly you can't turn to your Mum either. My situations the same for very different reasons - Mum has severe alzheimers. The nearest I get to being recognised is when she calls me by my dad's name, and even that's more habit than visual similarity. Sorry - this is meant to be about you. This may seem crazy - but have you considered writing a letter to your dad. It might help to get your feelings, emotions, thoughts out onto paper. Depending on your own beliefs you could then burn it or take it to his grave (you mentioned visiting it in a post), or whatever suits you. Both a neice of mine and a sister wrote a letter to dad that went in his suit pocket. Again sorry if this too personal or intrusive, you just sounded like you needed some help.
I know you should never say this to a girl, but don't worry too much about the make-up. It can be confusing for a partner hearing how terrible its been if you are sitting there in perfect make up. If it makes you feel different then that's a different thing.
Don't sit there alone with these feelings - post again, see who's on chat or send a PM if you like.
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
i think a blip i think we try so hard to control all our inner feelings and symtoms that sometimes we need to let it all out and have a good exhausting cry good natural release.we deal with anxiety on a daily basis is exhausting ans emotional so dont worry anout having a cry just another way of releasing stress i guess xx
Hi Poppy,
You've been very supportive in a lot of my threads, so I wanted to send you a big hug :hugs:
When I was getting through my anxiety two years ago, and I first started meds I would have days of feeling fine then one day of just crashing and crying and feeling like everything was too much. But they start to fade quicker and quicker, no matter how bad they are.
This time round, I'm on citalopram rather than fluoxetine (following only a recent anxiety diagnosis) and I'm starting to experience the same thing.
I also have the bi-polar worry sometimes, but I think that just happen cos we're so not used to feeling good that when we do it feels awesome, and when we don't it's so disappointing. I seriously don't think you have that.
Keep smiling chick :)
Much love
Sarah xxx
Hi Kev, Lady & SarahP! :)
Thank you so much for your lovely & kind replies.
Kev
Thank You for Your Big Hug...I needed that! :D
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and your mum too with her having severe alzheimers.It cannot be easy for you. It must be horrible to watch your mum having alzheimers.
My dad was 86 years old. I know it sounds mad but I expected him to live until he was even older. He was always there for me - we were so close. He passed suddenly - not expected at all. I wasn't there and had been to visit him a few hours earlier. Thank You for your suggestion - I will write my Dad a letter. That's a good idea! I will do that for this weekend and take it to my Dad's grave.
My mum is now very ill, & refusing all treatment off the doctors, who say she needs to be in hospital asap but she refuses so there is nothing that can be done.She is so painfully thin, not eating anything, just drinking alcohol, and fading away fast and wants to be with my Dad and has given up.
Maybe how I feel with my blips is due to the citalopram and me getting used to it, but sometimes when I am having a blip, I start thinking about my Dad and mum and how she is, so maybe all that is part of why I am getting like I am.
I cant wait to be back at college or doing voluntary work. I am sure I am going to panic but I will just have to test it and see.
Are you able to work, Kev? or not able to?
One thing I cant do is go without the make up :scared15: lol I think a lot of the time I can look well but underneath I dont feel it, but I tend to feel better within myself with make up and my hair done, plus the fact I don't want to scare anyone who sees me without make up lol:lac:
Thanks again for your help!
Lady
I agree with what you said. It made a lot of sense. It may have been just a blip & I agree it may be me just needing to release all the anxiety and tension. I feel better for the long cry! Thank you for your help. I appreciate it.:)
SarahP
Thank you too for your hug. Do you feel like this sometimes too then? It worries me because I get so upset and previous to it there is no warning sign, I just break down and then later I feel fine again.:unsure: That is why I keep worrying about Bi-Polar plus I Googled about it all - :lac:I couldn't resist lol
Do you find the citalopram is helping you?
Hi Iain
Thanks for your reply. I am glad you feel better than this morning and that something has gone right for you at work.
Yeah, maybe was a blip - a short one! - I keep wondering if I have Bi-Polar and I really want to Google, but I am trying so hard not to.
I am feeling much better now - just a bit shaky - maybe it was like a panic attack but not so panicky - more of an emotional attack :wacko:
I hope we both have a better day tomorrow!
Maybe its something to do with position of the planets today or something like that...:shrug:
I Just Googled! :lac::unsure::doh:
DO NOT GOOGLE! thats an order young lady!
Well my day went pants as my aunti passed away this morning i was told by my mum this afternoon. Next week is gonna be well weird, and im not sure I can handle any of it..Ive got my uncles wedding on wednesday and then on thursday most probably my auntie's funeral from the other side of the family...
its been a really up and down day for me, one minute i was actually feeling quite good for once and then within about an hour i was down again...
Today has not really helped, but tomorow is another day...
:)
Poppy you had a (right good greet/cry) that's not a bad thing and you felt much better afterwards.
That's a huge positive girl.
You let your emotions go with the flow and dare I say it has been a cathartic experience for you.:hugs:
Take care M:bighug1:
Thanks Iain and Mau :)
Iain - I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt passing away. You have had a terrible day today! I have nothing to cry about in comparison! :lac:
How are you feeling now???
I promise not to Google anymore...well not for the rest of today anyway :winks:
Mau - Thanks for your reply. I did too have a right good cry. I am sure the neighbour heard :unsure: My cats gave me lots of comfort. I am sure they can sense when I am upset - mind you I was crying at the top of my voice lol The poor things were probably scared & wondering what all the noise was :scared15:
I feel better for the cry despite the fact my eyes now look tiny and my nose looks all swollen :wacko:
I told my partner all about it and he again puts it down to 'women & their hormones'!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:
Now then Popperoonie
The mood swings in bipolar disorder apparently last for days.
You probably just had a bad moment that hit you unexpectedly and obviously it hit a nerve. You've got to remember that you are recovering, you are not yet recovered, so it is likely that you will have blips as you progress. Blips aren't the end of the world, they are simply your anxiety fighting back.
Hi Poet :)
I dont want to be recovering - I want to be recovered! - I think I may be like this forever more, even when I am 90 :wacko: Can elderly people take citalopram??? :unsure:
I feel much better - much happier -just really tired and I have decided not to starve myself after all :wacko:
How are you feeling today?
The way my doctor put it, if you don't think running down the street with no clothes on is normal, you can't be bipolar cos you are not experiencing the bipolar "manic" phase. If you are bipolar you experience very dramatic highs as well as crashing lows.
Your googling again arent you..... honestly young lady...please stop that right now! Or I'll be annoyed....:lac::D.:hugs:
thanks for asking hun Im feeling ok ish, ive got the day off tomorrow in the morning im going to mind in kingston, cant remmeber the ladies name now cos i was in a bit of a pelt when i foned her dunno why i started to feel anxious about calling them...why im not sure.. anyways ive got to be there at 10 so that at the very least gives me something to do in the morning rather than just laying in bed on my day off..Im gonna do a bit of shopping in kingston, then im gonna come back as ive got the docs in the evening, im wondering how its all gonna go tomorrow and thats making me anxios let alone thinking about family etc..
anyways i might just go bed soon if i can get any proper sleep all this week ive had the cant sleep syndrome.. i woke on the hour every hour last night and its not like I didnt do a lot yesterday.. I mean i felt really tired when i went to bed.. anyways im just totally rambling now..apologies.
what you doing tomorrow hun? And how are you feeling now..?:hugs:
Richiebrum
21-05-09, 23:33
Hey Poppy,
How are you feeling bab, sounds like you're up against it at the moment and i just wanted to let you know that i'm looking out for you. I'm hoping that may'be like myself you just had one of those days, it's certainly like that for me one day you think you've got it beat the next you're thinking you can't go on! I know without the kids i'd find it very hard to carry on, life does get to you like that but we should look at the bigger picture and think is it really that bad. Go on a big walk and get some fresh air, take in the scenary and just have some me time, stuff the job that does'nt matter it's all about you!
Take it easy, lets start again tomorrow, we're all in the same boat, some a lot worse off than ourselves.
Rich:hugs: x
Hi all
Thanks for your messages :) and words of advice :)
Str33b0y/Iain - I didnt Google - honestly - well...ok...maybe I just had a little Google...but not for very long though! Its so difficult not to -there's s a whole world of illnesses out there which I may have :wacko:
How are you today? Did you go to MIND? Did it help? I hope so and that you feel a bit better today.
Richie -How are you today? I am feeling lots better today - totally the opposite to yesterday!
You are right about children - my son doesn't even know I have any of what I do - He asked me what my tablets were for, when he saw them, and I told him they were for hormones lol. He didn't ask anymore after that lol
I just don't want my son to think he has a mother with mental health issues. I have one who has, severe mental health issues, and I just want my son to see me differently to how I see my mother.
I have been out this morning and feel totally different - happy, chatty and bubbly....if only every day could be like this, but I know I should be grateful for even 1 day, because some people don't even get 1 day do they.
Thanks both for your replies! :)
Poppy,
Yeah I feel exactly like that some days. If you'd asked me Wednesday morning if I though the Cit was working I'd have said yes for definite, but today I feel back to square one. Trying to remember though that it is only one day!
Am so glad you're feeling better. I find it difficult to enjoy the good days as my mind says, well you were capable of feeling bad a few days ago so why not now. My mind can be so self-destructive sometimes!
Much love
Sarah xx
Hi Sarah
Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I am feeling much better today.
It is very up and down isn't it on citalopram? I wonder if other medications make people feel the same.
I hope you feel happier soon :)
xx
yeah it's very up and down! Although I think it's like this on most drugs. I remember when I was on fluoxetine, it was very similar, and it wasn't until about three or four months after starting to take it that I felt I was remaining constant most of the time.
So fingers crossed for this one too!
As always, much love. Remember, we're all in this together. (That really wasn't meant to be a high school musical quote - that film is a curse on positive messages!) :blush:
Sarah xx
Hey Poppy :)
I did goto MIND today and it was absolutely brilliant even though it was in this really odd location which spooked me out a bit, but it was all well worth it. The lady there was brilliant she made me a cuppa tea and listened to what I had to say. She then invited me to join the MIND Kingston footy team, whcih will be good becuase it will get me out of the flat. She also gave me some good counsellers to goto which arent that expensive so im gonna get myself some councilling until I can have the CBT therapy via the NHS.
Strangley I got talking to the girl in the hairdressers as I was having my haircut (obviously) and I dont know how but I ended up having this really open conversation with her about my illness only for her to tell me she has the exact same thing.. for me it was a revelation, and it seemed to be for her cos we both said the same thing, ive never met anyone else with OCD etc.
Anyways that also made me feel better. I went to the doctors at 5.40 as planned only for the receptionist to tell me there was no booking for me...this kinda mad me panic because i then thought I must have got it wrong...anyways I kind of insisted that I was right and she booked me in anyway. Doctor apologised and said she had forgot to book my appointment..but she was happy that I had been to mind and that I was doing something about my illness myself. She didnt increase my dosage but gave me a perscription which I can just tick the box for repeat...never seen this before?? Anyway I came back home quite relieved..today has been the best day I have had since I can remember, I feel really positive for once, like ive achieved a lot in one day. :yesyes:
How you doing hun?
Awww thats really good news!!!!!!!! I am so pleased for you :D
Just think yesterday you were feeling down and now today things have changed and you feel much happier!!!!
Are you going to join the football team? I think you should...that would be a great way to meet others.
Where was the odd location???? :unsure:
When do you go back again?
I didnt know you could get repeat prescriptions for anti depressants. I have to keep going back to see my GP who only prescribes me two packets at a time. He checks my blood pressure though as it is really low plus I am under a renal consultant too, so maybe thats why.
I wish there was a MIND near me!!!!!!!! although there is but as I live on the border of Staffs and Derbyshire - I am not covered by the nearest MIND although its not far away, as I am under a different post code area. The one that is in my postcode area is about 20 miles away! :mad:
It is strange you saying that about the hairdresser (well done for opening up to her!) because the other day I was telling someone a little about what I have been through with agoraphobia and how I was overcoming it and they said 'Oh someone I know has that' and another time I mentioned something to someone and they said 'oh my husband takes anti depressants' - I think our issues are a lot more common than what we sometimes think.
I didnt know you had OCD. I have never experienced that apart from my checking the switches are off, and the cooker is off, and the fire, about a million times before I go to bed. I also have to match peg colours up too :wacko:
I am so glad you are feeling much happier :)
Hey poppy, you dont have to goto a mind that is in your postcode area. I have the same issue as you in that my postcode local mind is actually quite far away, and the Kingston one has KT postcode I live in TW postcode and they didnt seem to have a problem with me goig down there at all. I say phone them and go hun...Im sure it will do you good.
Yeah I do have ocd have had for 7 years...the meds dont seem to help that much with it, although my panic attacks dont seem quite as intense..I explained to the lady at mind how early i had to get up just to be somewhere 3 miles away at 10am!..
thanks for your kind words they really help :)
Hi again :)
I did tell them about my postcode when they asked and the woman was adamant that I could not go to the MIND nearest me.Maybe I could phone back on Tuesday and beg and plead and cry for them to see me....I will tell them in return I shall do some voluntary work for them:noangel: and if not I shall go elsewhere :mad:
How are you affected by OCD? In what ways? If you dont want to say then I understand.'
I am glad you think my words help. Sometimes I feel that I dont make much sense (and end up deleting my posts!)- since I have been on citalopram my thoughts get jumbled sometimes and sometimes I sound like I am talking in another language! Its quite funny sometimes!
I have had a much better day today & hope tomorrow is as good.
I hope you have a good day too and keep continuing to feel better :)
Hello again :).. No I dont mind at all. I feel liberated today afterall :)
yeah I have to check things like locks gas cooker windows taps etc etc;. and its got relaly out of hand this year. Im checking stuf like anytthing up to 50 60 70 times i dont know how much tbh because I do it so many times!
I cant see why they wouldnt let you go down to MIND I think thats a bit harsh. I hope you do get a chance to go, i felt so empowered after I left there:)
That's a lot of times, but I suppose the more anxious you are the more you check? I tend to check things more when I am more anxious. The fire is the worst one andchecking switches are off. I hope it eventually eases for you.
A lot of people seem to have OCD don't they?
I will definitely give MIND a call on Tuesday.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow too :)
Good luck with mind. I emailed the southend branch LAST YEAR and they never even replied. So clearly the quality and focus may vary. Their local information did suggest that they were more interested in officially severe conditions like suicide & psychosis. On your regional thing it may be that they get local funding with conditions on it, or like many charities the local branch may be run with local donations while the national charity sits back and eats the big money (often on executive wages).
Hi Kev :)
Maybe MIND didn't receive your email? Did you phone them up about it?
I emailed the Samaritans a few times last year and had email replies ages after :wacko: I found it to be much better service when I phoned them.
I wasn't aware until Poet mentioned that MIND offer counselling.
I hope you are having a much better day in the gorgeous weather. :shades:
Hey Poppy, and every1
Sorry Ive been away for a while I just wanted to keep myself busy these last couple of days. I even went out yesterday evening for a while with a friend. That cheered me up, been feeling a bit isolated today but kept myself busy with some ironing and washing lol woo hoo :)
Anyways I hope every1 is enjoying the amazing weather :)
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