lds1990
22-05-09, 21:46
Hi everyone - I was just doing my usual routine of looking up how I feel on the internet (I have a heavy head and my vision seems out of sorts so as usual I'm assuming that it's some sort of brain tumour) and I found these forums :)
Earlier in the week (Monday) I had a massive panic attack - I basically went into the kitchen and told my dad that I didn't feel very well - he asked me what was wrong and I just broke down into tears. I felt as though I had totally lost control and I just didn't know what to do :weep:
Anyway I went to my GP on Wednesday and he prescribed me Propanolol to help me cope with the symptoms of stress. They helped for the first day but then they just made me worse - very sluggish and slow - so I went back and he told me to take half the dose he gave me at first and to see him again on Tuesday.
I don't even know why I'm writing all of this to be honest - I just feel so low and like nothing can make me feel better - I know you've all probably heard all of this before but I'm at a bit of a dead end :ARGH:
Few of my "symptoms" and how I'm feeling now:
Very little pleasure and interest in doing anything
I feel very down/ depressed/ hopeless for the future
I can't sleep a lot of the time - I'll be just about to drift off and I'll suddenly spring back awake feeling as though I can't breathe - and when I do get to sleep I just keep waking up throughout the night feeling as though there is something in the room or that I can't breathe
Very poor appetite - I can't face eating things and I'm very under weight - not even things I usually enjoy interest me.
I can't concentrate on anything - I feel as though I need to be doing something else - even doing this I keep going away and coming back (and even watching TV is hard because it's all so serious and depressing)
Feeling as though I am going insane -- I feel like I'm forgetting things and as though nothing matters
Not being able to get out because I feel so slow and tired all the time
I feel as though I'll never get back to that "normal" feeling - like if this is how I will feel forever how can I cope? Even when people tell me they've suffered in the same way and gotten better I think "what if I'm different? What if my problems can never be cured?"At the moment the most prominent feeling is that something is wrong with me. My head is very heavy and all I can think are things like "it's a tumour" and "you're going to fall on the floor and no one will find you for days" -- or even worse "you'll lose your vision and no one will be there to help you". The advice my grandmother gave me was that "if you think you're going to faint; sit on the floor and then you don't have far to fall" - it's probably what's gotten me through it to some extent but it doesn't really address why I feel like this. :unsure:
Oh God I've written a lot - but I just needed something to occupy me (even if it has just been 40 minutes or so). I'm Luke by the way - 18 and from the UK - I've always looked into things a lot and I'm at a "low" point right now. I'm off back to see my GP on Tuesday and I'm going to be referred to a mental health team to find out what's wrong and why I feel like this (my family have a history of depression/ anxiety so I suppose it's not really that much of a surprise that I feel the same way now) -- but as you could guess all I can think is "what if I have a brain tumour? What if it's something that can't be helped/ cured? What if I end up dead?"
Anyway - thanks for reading - I'll probably end up posting more of this in other sections but I've just kind of exploded with things to say about how I feel D:
Luke
Earlier in the week (Monday) I had a massive panic attack - I basically went into the kitchen and told my dad that I didn't feel very well - he asked me what was wrong and I just broke down into tears. I felt as though I had totally lost control and I just didn't know what to do :weep:
Anyway I went to my GP on Wednesday and he prescribed me Propanolol to help me cope with the symptoms of stress. They helped for the first day but then they just made me worse - very sluggish and slow - so I went back and he told me to take half the dose he gave me at first and to see him again on Tuesday.
I don't even know why I'm writing all of this to be honest - I just feel so low and like nothing can make me feel better - I know you've all probably heard all of this before but I'm at a bit of a dead end :ARGH:
Few of my "symptoms" and how I'm feeling now:
Very little pleasure and interest in doing anything
I feel very down/ depressed/ hopeless for the future
I can't sleep a lot of the time - I'll be just about to drift off and I'll suddenly spring back awake feeling as though I can't breathe - and when I do get to sleep I just keep waking up throughout the night feeling as though there is something in the room or that I can't breathe
Very poor appetite - I can't face eating things and I'm very under weight - not even things I usually enjoy interest me.
I can't concentrate on anything - I feel as though I need to be doing something else - even doing this I keep going away and coming back (and even watching TV is hard because it's all so serious and depressing)
Feeling as though I am going insane -- I feel like I'm forgetting things and as though nothing matters
Not being able to get out because I feel so slow and tired all the time
I feel as though I'll never get back to that "normal" feeling - like if this is how I will feel forever how can I cope? Even when people tell me they've suffered in the same way and gotten better I think "what if I'm different? What if my problems can never be cured?"At the moment the most prominent feeling is that something is wrong with me. My head is very heavy and all I can think are things like "it's a tumour" and "you're going to fall on the floor and no one will find you for days" -- or even worse "you'll lose your vision and no one will be there to help you". The advice my grandmother gave me was that "if you think you're going to faint; sit on the floor and then you don't have far to fall" - it's probably what's gotten me through it to some extent but it doesn't really address why I feel like this. :unsure:
Oh God I've written a lot - but I just needed something to occupy me (even if it has just been 40 minutes or so). I'm Luke by the way - 18 and from the UK - I've always looked into things a lot and I'm at a "low" point right now. I'm off back to see my GP on Tuesday and I'm going to be referred to a mental health team to find out what's wrong and why I feel like this (my family have a history of depression/ anxiety so I suppose it's not really that much of a surprise that I feel the same way now) -- but as you could guess all I can think is "what if I have a brain tumour? What if it's something that can't be helped/ cured? What if I end up dead?"
Anyway - thanks for reading - I'll probably end up posting more of this in other sections but I've just kind of exploded with things to say about how I feel D:
Luke